Smoking in pregnancy help

[jo982]

Before I start this post I am not after its easy you should do it you don't care, I've come for advice as I feel awful as it is.

I am 39 years old and on pregnancy number 3, I have two older children one age 16 and the other 10. Both of these pregnancies I quit virtually the day I found out and although I started again after they were born, I only smoked outside my ex husband was also a smoker but he did not stop with either pregnancy.
By complete surprise In October. 2020 I found out I was pregnant, not planned and we did talk about termination as both of us are older and we were not thinking about new baby. Unfortunately at the same time we were also losing a close relative so when informing gp of pregnancy I said about bereavement I was smoking but would stop as I had done with previous pregnancies. He agreed and I cut down to 5 a day.
Fast forward to Nov 20 first attempt stopping I managed under a week, pathetic I thought this isn't me. Gave another two weeks again cravings and withdrawal got to the point I couldn't function and I mean not functioning.
I'm now 24 weeks pregnant baby is measuring big for age previous two pregnancies resulted in very large babies.

And I am still smoking max 4 silk cut silver a day, so nicotine and tar levels are ridiculously low, so you would think Easy to pack it in nope I get to a few days to two weeks and cave in. I have never experienced withdrawal like this.
My midwife is aware and after an emergency call to her a few weeks ago we have an appointment in the next week.
I attempted quit no 7 or 8 I got to ten days and I actually got that angry my oldest packed a bag to go stay with her dad, she recorded me and I was mean absolutely vile.

Every cigarette I have I feel guilty and get annoyed with myself, but I get to quitting and I become this vile human being who is upsetting my children with the comments and attitude I give.

My partner is very supportive he has never smoked and sees how hard I try, he wants me to stop as I do.

Has anyone got any advice they can give.
As I'm desperate.

I have already been told just don't buy them you don't care about baby you don't know what damage your doing.
I know all of this and I quit immediately with my first two pregnancies so I know it can be easy, I do not understand why this time I cannot quit

First of all, you really need to be a lot kinder to yourself. All of this guilt and self-hatred is only going to make quitting even more difficult. Do the very best you can in cutting back, and then hopefully your midwife will have ways to get you the support you need.

I don’t know for definite as I’ve never smoked so have never had to quit but is it worth pushing through? Let your DC go and stay with their dad or another relative and just resist the cigarette. Warn your DP in advance that there is a chance you won’t be in your right frame of mind and you won’t mean what you say or how you act.

I can tell from your post that you really are trying to quit and that’s the main thing to focus on.

Your midwife will be able to help you with smoking cessation, but don't be so hard on yourself. You are smoking 4 a day, not great sure, but hardly chainsmoking is it?
See what she says when you have your appointment. You are trying really hard and that's the most important thing. Its not easy, I know.

Sounds very stressful, think you stressing yourself out is potentially more harmful than the cigarettes.

I wonder if you could get some extra support on the NHS, like hypnotherapy and the patches/tablets to save you paying for those. Maybe try switching to a vape and then ween yourself off that.

Defo speak to doctor and midwife. You don't need to feel alone in this.

Good luck - you can do it! X

I struggled enormously to quit with DC2. The pregnancy stop smoking service through the midwife were amazing, very very supportive, non-judgmental and so helpful. I personally found them coming around every 2 weeks and doing to CO2 monitor was a big incentive. They did also say that some women, their craving turns out to be for nicotine, which is obviously really unhelpful.

You've done really well to cut down. Maybe talk to your midwife now and ask for some specific help?

Distraction!! I am pregnant with my 2nd and managed to stop the day I found out, but every time I wanted one for the first couple of weeks I just had to pull myself away and distract myself (get in the shower, do a quick chore, go into a different room and put the TV on)
My partner still smokes and now whenever he has a cig the smell makes me feel gross instead of jealous so I think I am lucky that the smell is off-putting aswell now. Like others have said, don't beat yourself up! You've cut down, one of my colleagues is also pregnant with her second child and she is still smoking but like you has cut down to less than 5 a day, same as she did with her first baby and she is perfectly healthy. The best thing you can do is try but don't make yourself ill with it! Best of luck x

Why is it relevant your ex carried on smoking? Do you think somehow that because he did it made you realise you had to quit or the babies would have your smoke and his too?

I think the fact that you did it before is brilliant and as you say, means you can do it this time. I agree distraction is really important. I don't think I would get on well with trying to shame myself into curbing any addiction. I hope the midwives have some better advice! I quit years ago by replacing every other one with a coffee then gradually lots of decaf coffee as was getting palpitations, and pepsi max and gum. Eventually I was free.

I also then had to cut down on pepsi max which I found even harder as was drinking it every day and was a crutch. Got that down with distraction too! But pregnancy helped with giving it up completely by switching to caffeine free.

You can quit. Start small. Cutting down is a start and much better to gradually do that and succeed for your baby than stop start.

I also quit on day I found out on first 2 pregnancies.
For some reason I couldn't do it for no.3.
I would have one at 7pm. No matter how much I wanted one during the day I would say, wait until 7pm.
Would this work for you?

Have you thought about vaping? Still get the nicotine and keep up a habit, without lots of the toxins and tastes a lot nicer! Good luck!

I found it really easy to quit smoking, but incredibly hard to give up redbull everyone has their vices, don't be so hard on yourself! My sister smoked through her 2 pregnancies, cut down massively to 3-5 a day, under the guidance of her midwife. When she tried to quit she was so stressed, it was really bad for her and her baby so was advised as long as she cut down and was healthy in other aspects it will be okay. She had 2 healthy 8lb babies right on time x

Stop putting pressure on yourself. In the nicest way possible, smoking is doing enough damage, you don’t need stress on top of that too.

Do you smoke in public? Or just at home where no one can see you?

You’re down to 4, that’s great. It’s always the last little bit that the hardest. My only suggestion would be to try cutting down half a fag a week. But don’t cut the last fab of the day, do the first, or second, if you do the last fag you’ll work yourself up that that’s the last one your going to have earlier and earlier with nothing to look forward to as such. If you do the first or second you know your going to get that fix again that day.