Large families- how big is too big ?

[crazymother]

Have got four dc at the moment- 5yrs, 3yrs, 18 months and 5 months. Whilst I feel that I wouldn't cope well with another one at this point, I don't feel that I'm ready to leave my baby days behind and would love another one or two at a later point.

My husband has a good job and money isn't a barrier to more, but I'm constantly hit with negativity.

1. During my 8 week check up my doctor suggested sterilisation.

2. Complete strangers keep telling me "that I have my hands full", or "rather you than me'

3. It's become fair game to ask me about my sex life.

4. Today someone asked me if I was a childminder.

So, how many is too many? How many does everyone else have and what are your thoughts on large families?

I have 3 girls and im expecting another baby
in april. I moved 300 miles for my husbands
job over 3 years ago so really dont have alot of support.At the end of the day i made my choice and love my children and we dont expect anyone to pay for them so when people comment i just try and ignore them. My children are 7,3 15 months and they are honestly better behaved than many children that i know.

I've got four and now feel that my family is complete. I've never had any negative reactions - I was kind of expecting them when I announced I was pg with no. 4, but never got them! I love telling people I have four kids too - I have a big gap between my girls and my boys so I make sure that people know that I have two girls in school as well!

I would agree with the poster who mentioned about needing a minibus, and that friends/relatives are not set up to deal with so many people, but the positives outweigh the negs imo. The only thing I would say is this - love is infinite, but money and (more particularly in your case) time are not. There are still only 24 hours in a day!! But if you want more - then go for it!

I h ave 3 just now aged 11,9 and 5 and am currently expecting twins which will jump us up to 5, have had all the comments about how im mad and omg you'll have 5 kids etc etc but my 3 i have for all their troubles are great kids,i have theeee most fantastic partner so dont really see the problem.We will be getting a minibus too for transport as with a huge double pram theres no way we and it would all fit in a 7 seater

I am pregnant with my sixth. I had all those comments and am constantly asked when am I getting my tubes tied. Ignore them all. You will be in a busy phase with them so young (been there and done that too) but it passes and seeing them together playing and helping each other out is wonderful. Currently we have a 7 seater van and havent figured out if an 8 seater exists we could afford but I will cross that bridge when I have to. We of the large family size become very inventive and creative! I can't believe your doctor suggested sterilization! That is horrible. You don't have a disease, its babies for gods sake.

I have two (2.5 and 6 weeks), and would like 4 eventually. My idea is '2 now, 2 later' - I'm 30 so feel I could have a few years' break before thinking about no. 3 (current plan is to consider it when da1 is 5 - I don't think I could deal with 3 under 5). A lot of people I mention this to give me deeply looks/reactions. The birthrate is just 1.3 here, so the norm is actually 1 rather than 2.

ds1

Just wanted to add, holidays are a challenge but can be done. Plan on getting 2 hotel rooms with a door that opens between as there are limits on the number of people in the room There are annoyances like the "family pass" that only means 2 adults and 2 kids and they make you pay extra for the other kids. But, there are so many things to do for free, museums, parks, playgrounds, camping is cheaper, renting a cottage or self catering flat worked for us so we could travel a bit. Another option is what we do is save up our travel and go somewhere for a good long visit. I plan to do some house swaps where you swap houses with another family in a country you want to visit and you ahve a house/toys/vehicle all set and and stay for a good month. There are some good websites for house swaps and I know people who have done it and no problems.

crazymother, I too am horrified that your doctor suggest sterilisation. I would complain to someone at the surgery as this is not appropriate at all.
I have 2 and expecting my third. There is, not through choice, a bit of an age gap, dd1 is 7, dd2 is 4. Both are in school, the youngest just part-time but will be full-time when baby arrives. I have come to now realise that this may be good timing, I can actually have time with the new one and, hopefully, have some energy left when the other 2 come from school.
I think we will settle at 3 but who knows?! One child in our class is one of four, when his Mum told me that I said 'how fantastic, you must have a lovely home life' and she seemed to be genuinely shocked that someone had said something positive!
Money is OK for us, and we have always chosen to go on villa holidays, nearly always to France. That way we can bung everything in the car that we need, drive down and have a beautiful house with a pool and all for less than a hotel would cost. We have generally gone for a 4 bedroom place as people usually come down to share for some of the time and you could easily fit loads of kids in as they are all double rooms. We love it!
I hope you listen to your own heart and not bother listening to all the negative comments, you know best what would suit you and your family.

bero, that's what we did - our dds are 10 and (nearly)9, the ds's are 2 and 3 months. It's really not like having four (from the amount of work pov) as the dds are so helpful and responsible - just a lot of washing!!

Blimey! How do you afford them all? Dh works full time and I'm part time and we do struggle a little, can't afford our own house etc. How on earth do you lot cope????

I have 8! All between 14 and 3. It is great fun! I am a placid person who enjoys looking after the home Some people find having lots of children brill, some would find it hard, it depends on the mum and dad....and children!..lol (mine are a tad on the lazy side-so it helps)

You do get lots of comments....got a bigger t.v yet? have they all got the same father? etc...usually its lovely comments about how lucky i am, and how good they are.

If you enjoy children and can afford them then its up to you how many you have.

i have three and would probably have liked more, but didn't due to finances and ex buggering off (...) one of the nicest things anyone said when they felt they had to comment was, 'you must have a big heart'. and i do! i could burst with love!

idobelieveinfairies, if people asked me if they all had the same father i would tell them to bugger off! how intrusive!