When did you tell people you’re pregnant?

[Thefaceofboe]

I’m only 5 weeks but we’ve agreed not to tell our parents till 12 weeks, one of the reasons is we’re hoping for lockdown to be over and we can tell them in person. I’m desperate to tell a close friend but my partner has said it’s not fair to tell her before our family. I’m itching to talk about it with someone!!

I told my manager at 5 weeks because I work for children’s services so wanted to make sure the risk assessment was updated. She guessed anyway 😂 we told our parents after an early scan at 8 weeks. We have our 12 week scan on Thursday so will tell everybody else after that if all goes well 🤞

Didn't tell anyone until 12weeks. Even then it was closest only.

No big social media announcement (not my style anyway) but most friends knew by 20-25weeks. As and when I saw / spoke to them.

I feel really uneasy when friends announce their pregnancies before the 12w scan. It's just so soon and I get nervous for them. And sometimes it doesn't continue which it heartbreaking to hear and for them to retell. I feel so helpless.

When I all but passed out in the uni library and narrowly avoided throwing up on my friend

So i had a miscarriage in the summer and tbh was so glad i told my mum. My partner was away with work and i could just call her and say help without explanation. Id say its definitely fine to tell people who youd rely on. Although it was a bit gutting having given them a baby grow etc

We are 6 weeks now and ive told my close family again for the same reason. Its such a personal thing and there is no right answer 😘

I am going to tell most people until after 12 weeks and wont do the social media until after 20 week scan but will tell friends as i see them

I’m unsure whether I will announce on social media at all tbh as social media posts were such a trigger for me while we were struggling to conceive so will bare that in mind if I post.

@kent1991 congratulations. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy

I regretted telling them for lots of reasons. The main one was that I had to un-tell them several weeks later as I lost the baby at 18 weeks. I thought I’d done it all “right” and waited the correct amount of time and got good results on the screening and everything. But I waited to tell them until a special occasion, which was a bad idea as now the special occasion is linked with the loss of that baby. When it all went wrong, you’d think people would be supportive but in reality no one know what to say, and you feel like they should help somehow, and it damages relationships when they say stupid things like there must have been something wrong with it. When there wasn’t, and she was a she. When people know about the losses and then ignore them afterward, it’s hurtful. Its not that you want them to feel the same level of grief as you, it’s just easier to deal with if you don’t have to tell the grandparents they aren’t in fact going to become grandparents. And you don’t have to blame them for their least said, soonest mended approach.

By the time I’d lost my baby I’d also lost my job due to my pregnancy, completely illegally, but without much recourse due to lack of proof. I struggled to get another one as I couldn’t give a reason for leaving my last job that didn’t reveal I was trying for a baby. My first pregnancy ended in damaged family relationships, and financial troubles to the extent we nearly lost our house.

So yes, by pregnancy number two I waited until 24 weeks which is when the baby gets a birth certificate so no one can pretend they never existed, it’s also when you get maternity leave regardless of outcome. You don’t get it before then. After another late pregnancy loss after that I just basically decided I didn’t care anymore by the time I was pregnant with four.

I told my 2 best friends immediately, so 3 weeks! Just as I was very honest with them while TTC and sent them a pic of the test the day I took it when I couldn't work out if it was positive.

We then waited until an 8 week scan to tell my parents and in-laws, felt pretty safe as we had seen a heartbeat and knew everything was going okay so far.

Then we told further close friends at 12 weeks after the scan, and then announced to everyone else on social media at 14 weeks as it was our wedding anniversary and felt like nice timing

As others have said, don't tell anyone you'd feel uncomfortable having know if the worst should happen. I'm a very open person so would probably have been open about a miscarriage with a lot of people, we were just keen for the word to not get out and not to lose track of who who knew/didn't know before the 12 weeks. It's nice to savour the reactions!

Told parents after dating scan for both pregnancies. With first I told friends as I saw them and work fairly soon after that.

This time as we've been in lockdown I've told close friends and the couple of people I immediately work with but otherwise most people don't know and I'm almost 30 weeks!

Oh @LouNatics I’m so sorry for your losses I had a similar experience with my DM which is why I’m not telling her just yet.

@LouNatics I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing everything. But I am so sorry you went through it.

@LouNatics So sorry for your loss and that you didn’t have much support. Thanks for sharing.

@Thefaceofboe I told 3 friends (who had went through struggles during pregnancy too & were a great support) as soon as I saw two lines (only one girl was my best friend).
Went for a 10 week scan & then told our parents & siblings.
Waited until the 13 week NHS scan to tell everyone else as we had a previous early MC.
I don’t see a problem in telling someone before your parents for support - it helps having people to talk to. Parents can get very excited very quickly (nothing wrong with that) but you might feel more pressure & be asked a million questions. I’m sure you will make the right decision for you - good luck with your pregnancy 😊 xxx

We told both sets of parents after a 8 week scan then siblings at 9, I'm waiting until after my scan which is 13 next week to tell grandparents, trying to hold of as long as I can with them as I know my gran will struggle to keep it quiet 😂

My two best friends knew within a few days of me finding out. Our parents and siblings knew once we had had an early scan at 7 weeks both times and most other people after 12 weeks. I've never done big announcements and never splashed it over social media, however.

Actually, a couple of close friends at work have always known early as I teach and it's handy for someone to know you feel like crap or in the eventuality a child violently kicks off. For example, I knew my friend was pregnant when she was dealing with a child who was runner and who was lashing out. It meant I was able to to swoop in and take over without her needing to explain.
I'm of the belief that you tell the people who'd you want/need support from in case something goes wrong.

Parents and Siblings between 7-9 weeks (in person)
Friends after the 12 week scan

Mum and boss - 3 wks (they both supported me through infertility and losses and I needed them to know why I was acting like a crazy lady!)
Close friend - 7 wks after 1st successful NHS scan
Rest of family - 21 wks after 20 wk scan
Work - 25 weeks because I'd get maternity leave whatever happens after 24 weeks and they needed to know I wouldn't be around

With my 1st PG I was waiting until 12 weeks to tell anyone and wished I'd told a couple of key people earlier. I felt (wrongly) ashamed to tell them about my MC and kept it to myself for too long.

I told my parents the day I found out. I figured if I did miscarry, I would need their support. We waited a few weeks to tell DH's parents, but I wouldn't have minded telling them earlier - I left it to DH. Rest of family/friends were told after 12 week scan. I get why people don't want to go announcing to everyone early as miscarriage is common - but I would absolutely tell anybody I would want to talk to about it if the worst was to happen - wether that's a parent, friend or sibling is irrelevant.

I told my closest friends around 8/9 weeks and my parents a similar time. I told work officially later but privately earlier as it affected travel plans. This time I’m not planning to tell people til after my 12 week scan I don’t think. Lots of fertility struggle in close friends group now so feels insensitive and won’t be seeing parents for a while... plus it’s DC3 so don’t think anyone’s that fussed any more!

Oh and didn’t announce on social media until babies were born, although there were pics of me so wasn’t actively hiding it.