Toddler/pregnancy/nursery dilemma

[Floopyandtired]

I have a son who is 3yrs 2months, due to Covid we’ve kept him out of nursery for all but 2 months since they shut last March. We sent him back in November but decided not to send him back after Christmas because I’m pregnant and my partner has asthma, so we wanted to keep our household as safe as possible.

I’m now 23 weeks pregnant with awful SPD and still occasional morning sickness. My nighttime sleep is rubbish and I’m exhausted. My partner works full time and I’m on furlough so I’m looking after our toddler alone all day every day, and I’m wondering how much longer I can cope.

I feel like the 2 days he attends nursery would give me enough of a break to be able to enthusiastically tackle the other 3 week days, but I feel so guilty about sending him in because of Covid and the risk it poses to my family and the staff at nursery (I’m not judging others for their decisions btw, this is just how I feel). I don’t know what to do any more. I feel very low and on the verge of crying all the time. I just want a break. Sorry for this pointless post, just needed to vent!

It's really tough, I feel for you
FWIW, I would send DC to nursery. You need the rest and he needs the stimulation. It's not as if you can take him anywhere else atm, soft play for example.
I was in a similar situation last year, pregnant with DC2 and had bad PGP. When nursery and playgrounds were closed from March to June, it was so difficult. I couldn't walk far or fast, so taking DC1 out on his bike became impossible and DH had to do it. We hesitated but sent DC back to nursery as soon as they reopened - no regrets!
I should point out that I was also working part-time but even if I'd been furloughed i think I would have sent him, because there really is so little you can do with a 3 year old when you have PGP and everything is shut.

I clicked on this post by accident and don't have any children so am probably not qualified to comment... but from what I can tell there isn't a right and a wrong here. The risk to young children (without underlying health conditions) seems to be pretty low. They also don't seem to be carriers to the same extent as older kids and if you and your partner are being extra cautious because of your individual risk you are unlikely to be adding to the overall risk to the nursery staff by sending your child. Young children's learning and development is also really important which will improve if they are with other people and if you are more able to be active with them on the days you are with them. That's not saying that you I think you should send them - as you set out there is an argument the other way as well - just that there's a perfectly rational reason you might want to and you don't need to feel guilty about it if having weighed it up you think that's what's best.

My son was shielding during the first lockdown but has been taken off the list now (like a lot of children) We decided to send ds back to nursery as he really benefits from it as he has extra need and I'm a high risk pregnancy so shouldn't be lifting and carrying him, so with him going three days a week I only have to manage two days. It's a really hard decision, the nursery haven't had any cases and we know if that changes then we would pull him out. Maybe see if nursery have had any positive cases and what processes they have in place to try and reduce the risk. We may look at taking him back out two weeks before due date to be on the safe side. Don't be hard on ur self we are all doing what we can in really hard times x

Just to give you the perspective from someone who's little one is in nursery....our son has been back since July when I returned to work. Having worked from home for 3 weeks with him I knew I couldn't do it long term. Hes 2.5 now. There were no cases in his setting until last week. All adults in his class tested positive but had none or very little symptoms thankfully. None of us have had symptoms and hes now completed his isolation period. I know that's just one example but thought it might help.
Most children in his NCT group have had to isolate at some point since July and none of them or their parents have been unwell either. So I tend to agree that the risk to young children is low as is the risk of them passing it on.
So if you need the break, I'd be inclined to say take it. It will do him good to be back interacting with his peers too.
Also, I had SPD so completely sympathise. Its tough and relentless. In your position I would be taking all the help I could get. Good luck x

Do it. Why only 2 days? My DC1 was a similar age. He had been going 4 days, I deceased to 3 days thinking I could handle it.. within 6 weeks I realised I'd made a mistake and had to wait 2 months for the 4th day to become available again why do it to yourself, look after yourself and look after baby

Thanks so much everyone for taking time to read and respond. I think I’m massively overthinking this, but in these times nothing seems normal or rational any more and my brain is stuck in that mode too. He only does 2 days as that’s all is needed when I’m at work 😊 and to be honest I do love having him home with me 3 days a week, even if it’s tough I think I’d regret it if I didn’t use this forced time at home to spend as much as possible of it with him. I do think I’m going to send him back in on his 2 days though. I’ve posted here and also spoken to friends and all say to send him. I need to think about my baby and myself too. Thanks again all 😊

As he turned 3 before Christmas, you should have been entitled to 30 hours childcare from January, are you getting that? It depends how much you usually earn, there are exceptions for people on furlough.

Just wondering because we get 30 hours and even though we spread them over the whole year (as opposed to term time only) it still works out as more than 2 days a week.

I had awful 'morning sickness' with my second that lasted the whole pregnancy I sent my toddler to nursery from September as planned as needed the break to rest and he needed more stimulation than I could give him feeling as I did. Don't feel guilty

Haven't read all posts.

My dd (22 months) has been in nursery three days a week since the start of all this. Sure she's brought home some sniffles and colds, but never covid (we've had tests when either of us had has illness symptoms and there have been positive adult cases).

Today she went full time. I'm 32 weeks. And on my knees. I only work three days, but today I actually got some cleaning done. Napped when I needed to and did bits and bobs. I feel new. And that's after one day. She'll be there full tomorrow me until after this one arrives. It's good for her to have routine and the stimulation she gets there. Best decision ever.

My lo is 3 and I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant. Shes been in nursery the whole time its been open, we talked about risks before sending her last September but its such a struggle whilst pregnant isn't it! That's even without spd!
As I'm so close to new baby coming, we have decided to not send her back after the February half term though.

I have no idea why some of you would stop sending your older one to nursery when the baby arrives Nursery was an absolute godsend for us in the early days. Still is.

@NameChange30 - can't afford a grand a month on maternity pay!! That's why dd will (sadly) have to stop going at some point after this one arrives. And no, she doesn't get 30 hours free until I go back to work.

Fair point. I realise we are lucky with an age gap of 3.5 years, we get the 30 hours (including during my maternity leave) so can afford to keep sending DC1 to nursery.

I stopped sending DS to nursery when I started mat leave at 36 weeks to try and reduce the risk of any of us needing to self-isolate around the time of the birth - he'll go back once the new baby is here. I found even that a tough decision, it's a big upheaval to his routine and also bloody hard work for me (I'm 39 weeks now)! I wouldn't do it for months on end if the only increased risk for you is due to pregnancy as the risk is still very small.

I have a 21 month old and am 32 weeks pregnant. My toddler goes to nursery 1 day per week for the exact same reason, it’s absolutely exhausting, mentally and physically, trying to take care of a toddler whilst pregnant and exhausted. I also feel such guilt some days when toddler & I are home alone and I physically don’t have the energy to play the same games over and over, or go for long walks in the park. That 1 day at nursery gives him so much stimulation and attention that I can’t always give him, and despite the risks of him going, it’s worth it for our family and the benefits it gives us. It also means that I have one day to myself to recharge and the rest of the week doesn’t feel like such a struggle.

You do you, and whatever works for you and your family. Nobody can tell you what the right thing to do is, but whatever decision you make please don’t feel guilty. Life is hard enough as it is at the moment, you don’t need the added pressure of guilt tripping yourself!

I totally sympathise with you - I am pregnant and have HG so it has been a massive struggle and, apart from Nov/part of Dec, DS has been at home with me (he is just 3). He is going back to nursery next week because I am also due to start work again - which does take the decision out of my hands, although I have been driving myself crazy with trying to come up with alternatives.

All I can say to try and reassure you (and myself) is that everyone at nursery will be careful because nobody wants to catch Covid and the nursery doesn't want to lose money if an entire bubble gets it and they have to close a room (or the whole nursery) - some carers may live with older relatives, some may have underlying health conditions. Kids don't seem to be too badly affected if they get it and don't seem to be spreaders particularly (at this age at least). This is what I take comfort from - for the most part! But it is an agonising decision and one that you probably have to go with your gut with. Xx

I'm pregnant and still sending toddler to preschool. I am working as well so for me it's less of a choice as I can't effectively do my job and childcare. But even if I was furloughed I'd still use nursery as there's so little else to entertain them and I need the break.
I will consider keeping them home for a couple of weeks before my due date if cases are still high but I have a couple of months to see what the situation is like.