What would you do in my situation?

[Babymamainwaiting]

I'm sorry in advance for how soap opera like this post is but I really need to share what is going on and get some outside opinions...

So I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year, although we knew each other through work about 4 months before this.

He moved in to my flat in November, earlier than we had initially planned due to lockdown, and things have gone really well.

We talked alot about trying for a baby in Feb/March this year with the belief that it would take a while as I have been told I have PCOS (although never had treatment for this and had fairly regular cycles).

I found out last week that I am pregnant, around 5 weeks now. We were both super excited and pleased despite it being sooner than planned.

My bf then sat me down today and told me he needed to talk to me about something big. Basically in summary, he told me that he was previously married but they divorced after a year (it was arranged, and he is from the Middle East). They still speak every few months but only because they have a 4 year old daughter together!! He pays monthly child support and his family back home see her semi-regularly but he doesnt get to see or speak to her much as they agreed he will have limited access to her due to partly religious reasons and her parents wishes, and also to try and minimise disruption on their daughters life. He has made to clear that he would like to be more involved in her life but equally knows he will never want to move back home so this could only be through visits throughout the year.

I am in total shock and disbelief that he has kept all this from me. He said it was because he was worried about how I would react as his last gf left him over it when he told her at the start of their relationship.

On one hand I'm grateful that he did sit down and tell me when lets be honest, the chances of me finding out any other way were slim atm. Equally I'm so upset that he has withheld his despite our relationship progressing as it feels like I've been tricked almost.

I just dont know what to do as I do love him and dont want to lose him, but I dont know how I will ever trust him again? It makes me wonder what else he is holding back (he says nothing else!).

What would you guys do in my situation? Please be kind...

NOBODY can tell you what to do.
This is massive. This is about your life and potentially having a child with someone you don't know and you cannot trust.
It's a big big risk but there is no predicting the future.
I had a similar encounter couple of years ago and to this day i still cannot tell you what my ex's story is/was. All i know is like you he dropped the big reveal one day, pretented to be divorced in his country then pretended some more excuses as to why he remained in contact or why they weren't actually legally divorced. There was always a good reason. Impossible for me to find out the truth. It was like a movie. But i was in love and believed we were fighting for our love and all the BS.
He was talking about ttc with me etc...
All i can say is that i feel blessed that i never actually fell pregnant and opened my eyes to how messed up the whole thing was after 2 years and left.

What i learned is that there is no "good reason" why someone keeps such important detail from you, except it is dodgy, they are NOT to be trusted and they don't have good intentions.
A normal person would say from the start he is divorced and has a little girl even though the situation is complicated etc...

And this isn't something you should have been forced to accept when he told you after living in your flat and having you pregnant with his child.

My advice is don't be fooled by the emotional side of your relationship being so fresh and the honeymoon types of feeling.
Nothing sweet about your situation unfortunately. I hope you have real life support.

I would seriously doubt that he is actually divorced......

You said you were happy and super excited about the baby, so I'm taking it that you weren't asking for advice about what to do with the baby. I don't think people telling you to terminate or abort is particularly helpful. This is your baby and although it would undoubtedly be difficult if it comes to you raising this child on your own; don't let anyone influence you on such a major decision....at the end of the day this baby growing inside you and there is a potential life to think about.

As to what to do regarding your relationship; again it is your decision, but yes...there was a secret being kept from you, however he could have kept completely quiet about the situation as I doubt you would have ever found out otherwise. Would you ever be able to trust him again? Could you move past this situation.....? Those are the questions you need to ask yourself and you need to come to a decision as to what is best for you and your child.