How to decide what to do for the best

[Amichelle84]

I realise that some of what I say might upset people, for that I'm sorry but I do need advice.

We have a 6 month old, we get by but by no means are well off. We rent and have a little bit left over at the end of each month.

We struggled to conceive but after 3 years we were blessed with the arrival of our son after quite a risky and traumatic pregnancy. Following his birth, we decided to not use any contraception as we felt that we would want another baby and if it was meant to be it would happen.

Im due to go back to work soon so have been looking at nurseries etc, so expensive and we will just about be able to afford it. We really want to save for a house deposit so any spare money we planned to put aside for that.

We found out we are pregnant, 6w.

Although this is what we wanted, our heads are ruling our hearts and we just don't see how we will afford it, how we will cope with 2 young babies, and if we can handle the stress of another pregnancy like the last one. Looking at nurseries etc and budgeting made me realise that we aren't in the position to expand out family, but it was too late as we were already pg.

We wouldn't be able to afford to put 2 in nursery but also wouldn't be able to survive on just 1 persons salary.

How are we supposed to make a decision to continue with the pregnancy or end it, knowing we aren't sure whats the best thing to do.

Could you perhaps look at a different way of earning money? E.g. night shifts a couple of times a week while your DH has the children?

You should be able to get some form of maternity pay still for this next baby as you are employed.

Have you looked at tax free childcare?

You have a few weeks to look in to things further. Would you be able to live with the fact that you were disposing of a wanted baby, a Councillor session may be wise, there may be free access available if you have a search for it.
Thing is you could find yourself in a similar financial position in years to come. Have you looked at things that can be cut back or cheaper rental properties etc. There are so many ways that belts can be tightened without losing every joy.
I know what you mean with childcare, it's so expensive. We used to split nursery with family looking after our eldest, my BIL and his wife do that too. If you don't have that option it is so much harder, especially if lo is ill as they will not take them but you still have to pay.

We're a 1 income household. It was extremely hard to start with but over the last decade dh has gone up ranks and it's got easier.

We have signed up to the childcare vouchers which will definitely help a bit. We could also get 2nd jobs but then we'd never see eachother and be doubly tired. Were actually moving in to a friends flat which he owns so are getting a good deal.

I dont think I'd be able to forgive myself if I terminated the pregnancy.

I'm more thinking let's go for it, struggle financially for a few years. If we ended the pregnancy I wouldn't want to try again a few years down the line. Im older as it is and have an illness.

Partner is a very anxious and negative person so he's thinking the worst, where as I try and see the positive.

I have a friend who was in a very similar position. She found it hard to accept the situation but after having had IVF for the first she knew she might not get another chance. They managed to cope with two in nursery 4 days a week with both her and DH working compressed full time hours so that they each got a day off every two weeks to cover. Obviously that isn’t possible in every job but it allowed them to make it work. They are almost at the finish line with their eldest starting school this year and the youngest only next year - and then they’ll suddenly have loads more spare cash! It’s definitely not been easy for them but now the kids are 3 and 4 they are great playmates and they have a lot of fun as a family. Wishing you luck whatever you decide