Trying to find a home while pregnant before baby is born

[xxxIntergalacticxxx]

I’m not sure what I expected when I decided to get pregnant without actually having a suitable place to live beforehand. Myself and my partner both work and are in a very stable and happy relationship. We have enough money for a very large deposit on a modest flat, but we were turned down for a mortgage despite being well able to afford it, because of a technicality in employment category. Our broker is trying again but I’m in limbo feeling like it might not happen, and we’ll be stuck living in my old bedroom at my parents house for another year, until circumstances change and we try again for another mortgage. But with a baby due soon, I’m not sure how much my parents will appreciate crying through the night for 9 months or so, before we’re financially able to move out. I don’t think renting is a good idea as rents are much higher than mortgages and it would be like throwing money away when really we want to have money for the baby. I’ve been trying to come up with alternatives in my mind, but having lived for the last decade in an “alternative” way, I now want a normal place to raise a baby in comfort and with adequate facilities. It all just seems so silly that we’ve got a huge chunk of money to use but the economy is such that it doesn’t go very far, yet if we emigrated we’d be fine (emigration currently not an option). I know we are luckier than many people as there are so many now without work and with no savings due to Covid. I went through similar in 2008 so can empathise, but I can also say it does get better and in the future there is hope to get back onto the path you thought you’d be on. But my own steady employment now does not help me with the current housing predicament! Are there other pregnant women out there going through the same?

How do your parents feel about you living there with a baby?

I’d rent.

Yes in similar situation. Although we do have our own flat it's teeny and we are in a position to be able to upside but because of pandemic many self employed mortgages are wanting a 40% deposit and the criteria is so harsh that the rate of decline has increased. We've been advised to wait...

I completely get your hesitancy to rent. It's double the monthly price where I am to rent versus mortgage for the same sized property and then becomes impossible to continue saving for a deposit.

Maybe you could compromise and find somewhere cheaper to rent until mortgages become more accessible again?

Fingers crossed your mortgage advisor can work a miracle.

@trevthecat my parents just assumed it would be easy for us to get a mortgage and buy a flat. They really want to be involved in helping me raise the child and have offered free childcare for when I need to work, which is very generous. But we haven’t actually discussed whether it would be possible to live with them for a little while longer, as it didn’t seem necessary. We’re here because of the pandemic, it seemed like a good solution. If the pandemic persists, living in the same household might be the only way we’d get to see them, so I guess it’s not all bad.

@justanotherneighinparadise @eternalflame2020

Yes the simple solution is to rent and it’s what most of my friends with babies have done. They’re not in great financial positions right now, and yes, rents are almost double here what it costs to buy. I’ve also seen a lot of adverts for flats which say NO CHILDREN, which I think is a little bit harsh. My friends found it so difficult to rent a flat that would allow them to live there with a baby and ended up having to pay a baby premium for a larger place as all the smaller flats wouldn’t let them in. They’re in debt now... it scares me, I’ve had bad landlords before.

OP seriously, you run the risk of ruining a very beautiful time in your life by choosing to live in one bedroom in your parents house. You are a woman, soon to be a mother, you have the funds to rent yourself your own space and revel in raising your child. Just do it and put the house searching on hold for a few years.

To add we rented initially. We rented a huge house we’d never have had the chance to buy. It was glorious, probably the happiest time in my life. Then when DC was one we bought the house we live in now. We had to make a compromise in area to buy cheaper and hopefully we’ll be off again in a few years. But I wouldn’t swap that time we rented for anything. We never saw it as a waste of money. Once our contract went into a rolling contract we were then in a perfect position to bid on a house with no chain.

@justanotherneighinparadise thank you for being a voice of reason, I know you’re right really, no one else in my life has been saying the same, I guess because we’re not seeing many other people and it’s hard to get alternative voices on the subject.

These are grown up decisions. Your parents no doubt want to protect you and keep you close but my parents did me untold harm by doing similar. Directly I moved our and became independent it was the making of me.

Don’t see it as throwing money down the drain, see it as independence and making your own choices as to how to raise your child. If you stay at he your mum will start to tell you what you should be doing. She’ll step in even if it’s with the best of intentions and you will start to resent her for it.

What is the 'technicality' which is blocking the mortgage?

If you are using a broker, and they have found none whatsoever, I suspect you are downplaying the issue

Yes, it's fine to start off, including with baby, with your parents/ILs.

But if the 'technicality' is actually a long-term block, then better to move out and rent, and re-cast plans for ownership entirely.

And yes, you need to talk about whether you can stay with parents for longer - you will be able to tell if they are really welcoming you, or if it's just a case they'd never throw you out.

If you are saving what you would otherwise be paying in rent or mortgage/bills, you should have quite a good amount to spend when the baby arrives irrespective of that their might be spending on rent if you go that way. If you are not saving on that basis already, start now.

Renting isn't throwing money away: it puts a roof over your head.

Honestly, I would rent. No matter how much money you have saved up for a mortgage. The stress of welcoming your newborn baby into your parents house is overwhelming and can really put a downer on the most beautiful time of both yours and babies life. I was in the same situation four months ago and renting has been the best option. I found a nice two bedroom house a month after looking and now my child has their own nursery, their own space and we have our own space too. No nagging parents. Please if you have the option to rent, consider it, it will be the best for all of you. Mortgages can wait until later.

These are exceptional circumstances we're living in, we couldn't get a mortgage last year and it's really hard right now. I'm sure your parents would understand but talk it through. I personally would wait for things to improve and see what the broker can do before going into renting. May take a few months but will be worth it. This is just my opinion though,it's not same for everyone. X

I have a high rent OP double what a mortgage would be but my partner has a tax issue as part self employed so we can't get a mortgage. I don't think it's money down the drain. It's independence. It's bonding as a new family to be.

I would 100% prefer to rent than live in one room with my parents with a baby.

I'm shocked to hear companies are looking for 40% deposits for self employed applicants though!

@eternalflame2020

Yes in similar situation. Although we do have our own flat it's teeny and we are in a position to be able to upside but because of pandemic many self employed mortgages are wanting a 40% deposit and the criteria is so harsh that the rate of decline has increased. We've been advised to wait...

I completely get your hesitancy to rent. It's double the monthly price where I am to rent versus mortgage for the same sized property and then becomes impossible to continue saving for a deposit.

Maybe you could compromise and find somewhere cheaper to rent until mortgages become more accessible again?

Fingers crossed your mortgage advisor can work a miracle.

Is that the case where one of you is employed as well? Panicking a bit now as DP is SE and we are hoping to sell soon.

Slightly different as it was an annex but our purchase fell through when my baby was 6 days old. We carried on with the move as we were switching area and lived with my parents in their annex from when my first was 6 weeks until she was 6 months. We didn't expect it to take that long but actually it was wonderful, my parents were very hands on with the baby and we all remember it as a lovely time.

However, we had a bit more space than one bedroom; although only by having a kitchen and bathroom to ourselves. Also the crying was further away from them than being in a bedroom next door.

I think it depends on your relationship. For us it was not ideal but actually lovely.

What is the technicality for not getting the mortgage?

If a mortgage isn't possible I would definitely rent so you have your own space.

Also just to add: we offered on a house when I was 11/12 weeks. Currently 31 weeks. We still don't have a date for exchange of contracts/ ideas of when we might be moving. Starting to get a bit nervous about that!!!

You haven't said how far along you are, but even buying somewhere may take a lot longer than you might think! Especially in these times...

We're currently renting and had an offer accepted on a house in July 2020 thinking we had loads of time before the baby arrived, she was born in November and we're still waiting to complete in the house! The market is strange at the moment and the no guarantee even with a mortgage in place that you'd have a house before the baby arrived.

Renting isn't ideal and we'd rather be in a house we owned but it's been good having our own space for us and the baby when she's small and in with us, I'm not sure if would work when she needs her own room. I can't imagine it would be easy for your partner to be trying to learn how to be a dad while also negotiating living in his in-laws house, renting a place would give you time to learn how to be a family together.

Was in your situation.
Because of pandemic and not being able to move to the country we were supposed to go to we had been living in DH's bedroom at the parents house. Like you we have savings etc... but stuck in a diff country where neither of us want to live permanently.
Anyway fast forward 7 months living like this, i am 3 months pregnant and pandemic is just cycles of ups and downs and we just decided to rent a flat for a year. Give birth here etc..

Best. Decision. Of my life.

It is very expensive but now heavily pregnant i am so so happy to be living here with DH in our own flat. Independent. With a room for baby/office and lots of living space of OUR own.

I would be in no mood right now to deal with people (they are lovely but i just need my space), also living under the same roof with covid was too risky as we are kind of shielding but the parents both work.

Also think about when baby is born, you need that intimate time with you partner.

So yeah, for me was a no brainer. As nice and welcoming the in laws were i am so grateful that we are able to have our own flat now.
Getting ready to welcome first baby and it feels good.

If you can afford it, rent!

You need to speak to your parents.

@auntiestella @nerrsnerr

The technicality was a shock to the broker, my partner’s employment is in education, it’s a permanent contract but zero hours. There is a dip in the summer (but not an absence of work as there is admin and training) so an underwriter decided to reject based on calling his work “seasonal”. His contract will move to being specific hours in about a year.

@kirinm We are both self employed. Our broker said that all self employed people are being asked for extra checks including the last 6 month's of business bank statements which will be scrutinised and of any doubt mortgage will be declined.

However if one of your is employed then I suppose it depends which of you is bringing in the higher income and will based on your personal circumstances. I would really recommend a broker with any application involving a self employed person!

OP I'm hearing that the criteria is just so strict at the moment. I'm not surprised by that technicality although it doesn't make it right or fair!