Telling boss about miscarriage

[secondorange]

Hiya ladies. I'm 7w2d today and started bleeding. I was actually going to tell my boss that I am pregnant because I was feeling like hell, and asked him for 5min to talk later, went up to use the toilet and wiped bright red blood which hasn't stopped yet. I have a scan tomorrow but want to take the day off as I'm grieving and stressed. Im sure by now my boss is wondering what the hell is going on because I was out sick one day last week now I was going to call him and disappeared for 2 hours. I don't feel up to really telling him about the miscarriage but feel I should. I just can't keep it together on the phone right now though and haven't stopped crying, I'm afraid if I call him I'll make a fool of myself.. Any ideas what to tell work? Is it appropriate to tell work about such a personal thing?

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I would say please tell your boss what you are going through as it has both medical and bereavement implications xxx
My love to you xx

Sorry you are going through this.

Personally, I wouldn't tell him. Just tell him it's women's issues. Letting work know you are pregnant too early, or even trying for a baby, puts you at risk.

It may not be a miscarriage, a bleed at this time is very common. You tell him as much as you feel you need to. If you'd rather wait until after your scan then do that. You can call in sick with something else if you feel you need to. Hope everything goes well for you tomorrow

I never told my managers until I was far too sore at work one night to come in the next night. I never took any time off apart from that night and dh went in for me instead.

It took well over a week for the baby to pass and the pain I was getting at work etc was contractions. As I'd been bleeding since the day I went into hospital for treatment I naively thought it was gone.

I bleed heavily at both 6 weeks and 8 weeks I’m now over 20 weeks and baby’s kicking away it’s not always a sign of loss so don’t jump the gun I hope and pray it’s not a loss xx

I had to tell work early with all my pregnancies (two due to hyperemesis and one when it miscarried). My manager was very understanding and discreet which I didn't expect (she's not exactly the caring type). I would tell - pregnancy-related absence doesn't count towards your sickness record.

By the way I bled during all three pregnancies and have two healthy children. I hope things go well for you.

I had a MC at 7 weeks last year. It happened over the weekend so I told my boss after the fact. I work from home so could've just not said anything and had a quiet day. However he was really supportive, gave me as much time as I needed off (didn't count to sick days which maternity related things shouldn't). He's not the most sensitive person so I was pleasantly surprised. My husband's boss was also really good about it.

One of the posters said it puts you at risk, but that will depend on your workplace. Obviously I'm not naive enough to think that all workplaces follow the law, but I was given a promotion a couple of months after so no impact career wise. I imagine you have a sense of how your company normally is around pregnancy etc.

Best of luck with the scan, I hope everything is fine xx

I’m sorry this is happening; it’s completely your choice. In some ways I think if you tell work it can be easier as then they can give you the time you need and understand it’s not just a cold etc that you’re off with but equally if you don’t want to share it then rha completely your choice. My work aren’t a bit impatient when I’m off sick whereas when I told them I was bleeding with a pregnancy they didn’t even know about yet they were very understanding and encouraged me to take as much time as I needed.
Could you write an email so that you don’t have to talk on the phone?

Are a bit impatient I mean

I told my boss and I’m very glad I did as they were very sensitive and understanding. You need to do what’s right for you though.

It is a very personal decision who you share this with but I personally was very glad I told my boss. Work were very supportive, allowed me to have all the time I needed for treatment and then grieving afterwards, and I didn't have to feel guilty about missing work because they fully understood the reasons.

I don't agree with the person above who said trying for a baby puts you at risk. I understand every workplace is different but I would not say that is the norm. My workplace (and many others I know) are very supportive and people have received promotions before, after and even during maternity leave.

If you are having a MC I am very sorry for your loss and hope you're okay.

Good luck with your scan today, hope its positive news! In terms of your actual question, I told my boss via text when had found out at a scan - (didnt see him face to face cos of covid). He was so supportive, and am so relieved I did say something. Didnt name names but said others in office had been through same and if needed to talk to anyone just to let him know, and directed me to all other sources of available support we get offered thru work. felt nervous with first text but then so glad I said something, being open definitely helped and also i really struggled with work for a good couple of months so at least they knew the reason.
keeping everything crossed for u. x

It depends what your relationship with your boss is like and a little what the culture at your company is like.

I did tell my boss about my first MC because I didn't even think to try to get a sick note and there was no way I could go to the office. I've always been crap at hiding anything and he knew we'd been struggling with fertility because I'd had to explain why I was taking so much time off for medical appointments. I was really worried about it but he was so supportive. When I MC again he was there for me and understood the background and why I was so much more upset. It's also meant that he's been really understanding about my anxiety in this PG and helped rebalance work when I've needed it.

I'm also lucky that I never worried my employer would discriminate against me for trying for a baby which I know can sadly be a factor.

Bosses are people. Most of them are nice, compassionate people but not everyone.

I have a good working relationship with my boss so he's known about all 5 of my miscarriages and 2 ectopics - I've generally just sent him a text though when I haven't felt like telling him on phone/in person. But my boss is very much someone who treats me like he hopes one day his daughters will be treated in the workplace if they were going through something similar and has always been very supportive

I'd drop him a private message letting him know what's going on and you may need some time x