People who love to comment on my body

[jezza1234]

Hi all, just looking for some advice as to how to manage unhelpful comments from people on my pregnant body. Told
By my MIL today that my bump looks very big and has the midwife spoken to me about it? Apparently she barely showed in her first pregnancy

This followed another comment near the start of my pregnancy from my partner’s friend that ‘from what she can see I have wide hips so probably won’t show very mich’.

Since when do people feel that it’s ok to pass comment on my body? It isn’t ok when I’m not pregnant, so why now? Especially considering the stress everyone is under at the moment and the fact that MIL had just heard from us about headaches and drama relating to our house move. Just not resilient at all.

So what is the best way to respond
without creating a huge fight? At the moment I just feel really sad and upset and can’t shake the feeling.

Thanks in advance

I'm aware everyone's different but this never ever bothered me.

Pregnancy is an exciting time and your body will go through many changes and shapes. I was excited to talk about it all but that's just me.

If it's not you, then I suppose you'll have to tell them you're not into that sort of talk.

I would say “ it’s lovely constantly being told you look like a beached whale. Doesn’t give me a complex at all.” In a sarcastic tone.

Haha I don’t have the guts to say something like that but would love to see the reaction if I did! Also I don’t think it would be worth WW3 that would inevitably result...

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. Over time you learn to latch on to positive, admiring comments that are meant well, and ignore the twats (the bump comparisons will start to get hilarious, you'll be told you're too small and too big within an hour). People do usually mean well, and everyone is always excited to see new life. It helped me to remind myself of good intentions.

If it really bothers you, just tell them, lots of women this wouldn’t bother, myself it didn’t, it was all so new all comments were welcome from women who’d went through it,

@jezza1234

Haha I don’t have the guts to say something like that but would love to see the reaction if I did! Also I don’t think it would be worth WW3 that would inevitably result...

You have the excuse of being pregnant so now's the opportunity.

"If you can't say something nice....?" Hard stare?

"If you can't say something nice....?" Hard stare?

But no-one's said anything horrible?

Rather than make them feel as though they have, I think it's better for the OP to be honest and tell them that for whatever reason, she doesn't want her changing shape discussed during the pregnancy.

Hopefully they'll then swerve it.

@jezza1234

Haha I don’t have the guts to say something like that but would love to see the reaction if I did! Also I don’t think it would be worth WW3 that would inevitably result...

Why would WW3 result? You have just said how it makes you feel.

I was huge and found the comments to be unwelcome and intrusive.
Not much I'd recommend expect ignore it. Some people are ignorent.

@tatutata

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. Over time you learn to latch on to positive, admiring comments that are meant well, and ignore the twats (the bump comparisons will start to get hilarious, you'll be told you're too small and too big within an hour). People do usually mean well, and everyone is always excited to see new life. It helped me to remind myself of good intentions.

This comment really resonates... none of the people who made comments had bad intentions, they were just a bit thoughtless in the delivery. I know I’m very sensitive to any comments about my body (prev. eating disorder etc) so need to try and disconnect the effect of the words from the intention.

Ugh, I’m with you on this. Not used to people openly commenting on my body and then suddenly about halfway through 2nd trimester they were all at it.

I find it quite pervy actually. I’ve spent 32 years getting used to dealing with male perviness and building up a bank of comebacks (best one is, ‘Awww! You’re punching above your weight tonight, isn’t that brave, still, god loves a trier so I wish you luck...’) and now I have to retrain myself to deal with women perking over my bump. My neighbour woke me up at 5:45 am on Boxing Day because she was having a breakdown and ‘needed to see my bump to find out whether the baby is a boy or a girl’... you can’t make this shit up...

Anyway, I’ve found the following responses do tend to shut people up:
‘I know, because my colleagues tell me three times a day’
‘Yeah, my midwife said people would probably tell me I’m small because my abs are so strong it’s holding everything in’
‘I think you’ll find that’s my COAT you bell end’
‘Yes, I know, and I’m finding it very difficult to get used to because I’m normally so slim and fit’
‘I feel really sorry for anybody trying to conceive who has to overhear this conversation’
‘I know what you’re about to say and DON’T SAY IT’
‘Fuck off’

I rotate between the above responses depending on my mood. If you tell people to fuck off while smiling really sweetly they tend to get the idea without being offended.

Just change the subject.
I've had complete strangers comment on my bumps over the years (I've had some pretty impressive sized ones). It's annoying but you just have to let it go over your head.

Just laugh it off or change the subject. In a few months the comments will be meaningless as you won't have a bump any more! I personally don't think I will mind people commenting on size of bump etc, I'm quite looking forward to hearing the old wives tales about shapes and sizes etc. Doesn't sound like anything has been said to cause offense, it's all well meaning but maybe just a bit blunt. You have better things to worry about!

Ugh this takes me back to my pregnancies. I think top and bottom is people are quite insensitive and blurt out all sorts of crap when near a pregnant woman.

In the same day I had a mum friend at a playgroup react shocked at how tiny my bump was and how "nice and neat" it looked and an hour later a lady at a local corner shop ask me if I was sure it wasn't twins

The roller coaster is real.

This used to drive me crackers. Like you said no one comments like that when you’re not pregnant so why when you’re a hormonal mess and possibly feeling sensitive about your body so people think it’s ok.

I carried really small with my boy. I had to have regular growth scans (he was fine abd born a very average 7lb 4!) just had a small bump. I worried all the time he was mint growing ok. The dinner ladies at my work used to comment all the home. Drove me nuts. One particular time she said again ‘are you sure you’re pregnant, you just look like you’ve had a bit of cake’ after another worrying (for me) growth scan that morning I retorted rudly YES after two rounds of IVf and weekly scans, hearhburn and sickness I’m 100% sure I’m pregnant!!! Please leave me alone! She shut up after that!

I think people are secretly amazed by the bumps! Or have some sort of weird interest because it is amazing!!!
That's why they talk about it.
Try not to take it personally. As it was said before, in the same day you can be told you are tiny or massive. So not very reliable!
If it makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure i would just shut them down, respectfully. Just say "can we not discuss the size and shape of my body please? Thank you"
They will probably think you are hormonal and overreacting because they don't mean to be offensive but probably also won't ever comment again!

'My midwife isn't concerned so I'm not either'

I feel you though OP. I've had 'well you have quite a big cavity so I don't think you'll start to show for a while'
DM is convinced I'm going to have a huge baby because I'm tall (and have been overweight but no longer am) but I just hear 'you're huge so your baby will be huge'

Just got to shrug it off I guess, but it's very annoying.

I've had the wide hips comment from my MIL too. Went home and had a cry. I'm very self conscious of my size and shape when not pregnant.

Thanks for the sympathy/empathy all - it seems that body comments just go with the territory! Some really useful responses too, thanks. I’m just going to focus on having a healthy baby and try and let the rest roll off me, soon enough I’ll
be back in charge of the bod and hopefully people will keep their thoughts to themselves

I got told by sil that it was a shame I couldn't have a natural birth as with my wide hips it should have been easy for me, poor her and her narrow hips ( which aren't even f'in narrow anyway) . I lost my waters at 34 weeks and had to be induced at 36 which failed leading to a section as they couldn't risk a stillbirth. I was 7.5stone when I fell.pregnant and 8.5stone by the end. Sil was around 11 stone to begin with and then very big, she had a 1lb baby as dn was prem. I never commented on the fact that she was huge and he was tiny, reason being it would have been upsetting and i am not an outright cow. I am overweight currently so whilst I am trying to make healthier choices I expect that my bump will be big this time and I will put on weight all over. People don't realise how their off the cuff remarks can hurt.

Adopt a stern bitch face for the next few months.

Sadly people just lose all notion of common decency when looking at a pregnant woman. I've been told about my "fat pregnancy ass" this time- which hurt since I have hyperemesis and lost weight....You just have to shake it off and have a good rant later on. People will be thoughtless idiots no matter what unfortunately. It's like they forget that pregnant women not only still have feelings, but are balls of hormones that could explode at any second..

My best ever was when I was pregnant with my first. A complete stranger came up to me at work and said she could tell I was having a girl because of my fat love handles- which she grabbed and jiggled. If I wasn't at work and being professional I suspect my hormones would have made me scream at her. Again, I had hyperemesis so those fat love handles were there before I got pregnant. It's lovely when people point out/grab your fat in public.

I keep getting told how small I am! You'd think it would be a complement but actually it has the opposite impact... makes me feel a bit inadequate compared to others with lovely bumps.

People really don't think about what they say to pregnant women before they say it!

This really winds me up... hate that people feel that because you’re pregnant they have a right to comment on your body.

I don’t really have a solution though.. I tend to just seethe in silence.

I guess most people are trying to be nice and show an interest.

I’m working from home so colleagues have only seen me from the neck upwards on video calls. A few have said I’m looking really well, which is nice, but if I wasn’t pregnant they wouldn’t have commented on my appearance. Also makes me think they were expecting me to not be looking very well...