Telling work before 12 weeks? stressing a bit

[secondorange]

I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a situation. I'm 7 weeks and I feel awful. Yesterday I had an absolute awful migraine coming on as well as feeling faint, I told my boss I wasn't feeling good and I wanted to step away for a bit, he told me to take the rest of the day off and recoup. He said hopefully it isn't corona, I said don't worry I'm almost 100% sure it isn't that (haha...ugh) and I've left it at that.

Well I'm still feeling awful. I can be fine one moment and the next I'm wondering if I'm going to faint or I've got my head in the toilet. I don't want him wondering whats going with me as I don't see this going away soon.

I feel as if I would be better to say something and get it off my shoulders but I'm panicking as its just not "what you do" to announce to work before 12w, right? On one hand if I lose the pregnancy explaining it would be a bit awkward, on the other hand we have always had very open communication, he's a good boss and I trust him. I don't want him thinking I've caught covid and exposed the office (yikes) or I'm slacking off work vs pregnant, seems like the longer I keep it secret the more excuses I need to come up with and I hate it.

I'd ask him to keep it quiet which i trust him to do or only tell our manager if he feels that would be best.

To make matters worse he was going to bring home brew for me to try this week, its going to look really strange when I don't drink it as I've been going on all last year about how I want to try it!

I guess I'm just looking for a bit of reassurance. Also any tips on how to actually have this conversation are appreciated as I'm panicking lol. I know he'll ask Monday if I'm better and I'm thinking of spilling it then. Thing is we usually talk via chat as we are only at the office Th/F and I feel this is a conversation best had on the phone. Telling him "better but I want to tell you whats going on, can I ring you when you have a few minutes" just sounds a bit ominous to me!

Anyway sorry if this all sounds silly, I'm just stressed about this!

Sorry you're struggling OP.

If I were you, I would tell the boss. The stress isn't helping you and you will have his support and understanding if you need to take extra time off. It also won't count against your sick record after you've told him.

I suffered a mc in November and needed time off for hospital appointments. I ended up telling my boss I was mc as I couldn't deal with the stress of lying about my sudden absence. I now feel that if you're comfortable telling your boss, it's easier regardless of the success of the pregnancy.

Hope you feel better soon!

I would also message asking if he had time for a quick phone call at some point in the day. Then on the phone I'd explain I didn't really know how to approach the conversation but in the interest of transparency, I'm pregnant and although very excited, I'm suffering with sickness etc

Hi OP, congrats on your pregnancy 😊
In my last pregnancy I felt so unwell that I told my work at 10 weeks. Basically I was spending so long visiting the toilet with sickness and needing to pee constantly that I was really stressed about what people were thinking about me. I'd also had to take one day off sick as sickness was so bad that I couldn't function and was aware that this had gone down on my sickness record (pregnancy related sickness can't be held against you).
I informed the HR manager who said that she would have to tell our CEO (because he was my line manager) but that none else would be told without my permission. Everything was absolutely fine and kept confusion until I was ready to announce, plus I felt much better and more at ease knowing that the reason for my 'slacking' was understood. I was supported really well by HR.

That should have said kept confidential*

These are strange times and I think the 12 week thing realistically is out of the window. You need a risk assessment. Tell the boss. Congratulations xx

I told my boss early too. Even though I was WFH, I was throwing up really badly and feeling really rough that it was affecting my work at a busy time.

I have a really good relationship with him. Professional, but open and very friendly, and I figured if something went wrong, I would need to let him know any so I can have the time off, so I told him at around 8-9 weeks.

He kept it quiet until I told my colleagues at 20ish weeks.

I told my boss early and asked them not to tell anyone, and that I was nervous so didn't want to talk about it until after 12 weeks. My boss was supportive. Good luck.

When I found out I was pregnant I told my partner followed by my boss later the same day. I was only a few days late. There were health and safety concerns on my role that had to be addressed before I could come in.
My boss was very supportive and didnt say anything to anyone.

Due to covid, I'd very much tell him sooner rather than later. Ask him for complete confidentiality. This makes his job easier and gives you the excuse when you are feeling rubbish. Also, the way covid is you don't know how things will change, whether you'll be asked to shield like the first lock down.
I will be telling my boss on Monday, although I've only just had a bfp, my job can be very heavy with manual handling (I'm a carer) so feel it's best she is aware, and can keep me up to date with ever changing local authority policies 🙄

I had to tell my work at 10 weeks. I have a heavy job and the all hours nausea was terrible!

I had a loss before this pregnancy, I had told work at 6 weeks, they sent flowers.

I'm 16 weeks , only hr and my boss know. The rest will be told after 20 weeks .

I'm a manager and often hear about pregnancies before peoples families do. I realise its very sensitive information so would act professionally

Unfortunately the people you spend most time with are the people most likely to notice and if you spend all day with them then that will be work.

I've been told/or know people who have had to tell for all manner of reasons from because they need a risk assessment, cant do certain tasks ef xrays, are unwell (eg. Constantly being sick in the mornings), or simply can't hide the impact (eg need more wee breaks!)

I had to tell my manager around week 9-10 as I was so unwell with nausea, vomitting, belly pain and of course the fatigue. I also had to tell my closest colleague, as she could't fail to notice how crappy I felt and I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to say anything - it wasn't a matter of trust but since I had 2 MCs before I really didn;t want to go through the explanations and people feeling sorry for me should anything happen again.
I still think that if you're unwell, you just don't have the choice. You have to tell your boss (and ask them to keep it confidential) regardless of the outcome. If you have a food poisoning, no one expects you to work at 100%, why is this any different?
Good luck OP, fingers crossed all goes well for you.

Just tell them. Plenty of people tell their work earlier, especially in higher risk jobs. I told my boss at 5 weeks. It was much easier for appointments, and if anything had gone wrong I’d have needed time off anyway so it seemed like the most sensible option.

I told my boss very early - about 6 weeks - I was also feeling really unwell and I didn't want to be dishonest about why I needed time off. Also, you are protected against discrimination or mistreatment at work while pregnant (eg pregnancy related absence doesn't "count" on your formal absence record) but they need to be aware of it. For that reason, I intend to tell my employers early on in any subsequent pregnancy too.

I told my manager at around 5 weeks (only my partner and I knew) which seems crazy but it made me feel so much better. I didn’t even have sickness I just felt I needed her to know as some work tasks would now be impractical and I didn’t want to lie.
Just do it, I cried when I told mine hahah (I was that bloody nervous and it was the first time I’d said it out loud!)
It made my job much less worrying and she was really lovely and professional about it. Told everyone else at work around 13 weeks

If you trust him to follow your wishes (e.g. not sharing with others), I would tell him.

I told my manager when I thought I was 4 weeks pregnant (was actually 7 weeks as I'd got dates wrong) as I felt so awful. Even though I'm working from home, I didn't want to feel additional pressure of having to make up excuses when I wasn't on top form (e.g. lying on a bed during calls that were meant to be video calls as my nausea was so bad). I was really grateful I had told her before I had several bad threatened miscarriages and had to be hospitalised at one point - would have been much worse if she hadn't known. I'm fortunate that I have a really good relationship with my manager and knew she wouldn't share the news until I was ready.

Telling work also means you can get a risk assessment done as soon as you want. I waited a bit longer for that, as I was working from home so better able to control risks myself. But if you're having to go in to a workplace you might want that sooner rather than later.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

I told work around 11 weeks. I tried to hold it off but they were being overly nice and pushing me to go for a promotion to cover another lady who’s off on maternity in a few months. They were pulling me aside and tempting me with amazing offers so I had to be honest in the end. They kept it quiet until my scan which turned out to be at week 16 with all this covid delays! Was a huge relief though. If you trust they will be discreet then tell them, it will be a load off x

If you have a good relationship with your boss I would tell him. Mine knew I was doing IVF so he knew very early - plus it was twins so I had a very obvious bump at 9 weeks. I asked him not to formerly tell the big bosses until I was 12 weeks and he agreed but it was easier then as was WFH during the first lockdown

I would tell him. You would probably need time off if you did have a miscarriage anyway, so even though it might feel awkward id just do it. Had to do the same with my work and it was fine, my manager was lovely.

Tell them.
Someone I schedule work for told me early as they were feeling rough. I said nothing but was able to reduce their workload without letting the rest of the team know.

Someone else had a miscarriage (I didn’t know they were pregnant) and they had to tell me as they needed time off to try to recover.

Someone else didn’t tell me and I put them in a position that increased their risk - was a job I would have given to someone else in the team if I’d known they were pregnant. Everything ok but I’d never have done that if I’d known.

I’d tell your boss.
I had HG in my first pregnancy and tried to hide it ... until I had to email my boss from hospital after being admitted at 9 weeks. Was signed off until I went back at 16 weeks; my boss was lovely but the whole situation was mortifying.

I'm in a similar-ish situation. Only 8 weeks but feeling really rough. I have a new boss and there is a lot of change happening at my organisation so really don't want to show my hand too early.

We are still WFH at the moment so I've been able to get away with it so far, but my company is calling us all in for vaccination in the next few weeks (not UK) and then the expectation is that we will all return to the office full time.

Obviously I'm not eligible for the jab, so will have to come clean then. Am hoping I might be able to scrape to 12 weeks by the time it's an issue and then I will feel a bit better about telling.

I ended up telling my boss at 8 weeks because I have been so sick I can't work most days, and I felt it was unfair to my boss and team to wonder why I'm so unproductive. She was very understanding. I might still take full official medical leave if it doesn't improve soon, so it's better to prepare them for that sooner than later. No regrets about telling early at all.

All 3 of my pregnancies I've had to tell work at about 8 weeks. 2 of them I was signed off for severe sickness and the other one I miscarried and had to be signed off for that! Just tell them.