Hi, so I am having a really difficult time mental health-wise and while I have a medical appointment to help with this coming up, I hoped I might be able to get some advice here. I am early 30s, single, and had a really difficult experience during the pandemic. I had been having a very casual, FWB type arrangement with someone who, if I'm honest, I did have feelings for. During lockdown one I was staying at my parents and he sent me a lot of flirty messages about meeting up once restrictions lifted. Cue my going back to London, and, just before the restrictions did lift, going round to his to sleep with him. I was in a weird mood, having some family problems, and we drank around 2 and a half bottles of Prosecco/Champagne between us. He knew I wasn't on contraception because we were using pull-out, and previously we had risked it near to my period. In the moment, I said he could come inside me. This was ridiculous, because it wasn't a safe time and I sort of knew that, and I made a very immoral drunk call. That said, it was only once and as the weeks went on afterwards I felt things would be fine. As my cycle came to an end, I sort of half-wanted to get pregnant but also was sure my period would come and that that would be a relief. Anyway, I was pregnant. I told my mum who was a bit horrified, and I also told him. I really strongly contemplated keeping it, I think I wanted to. Initially he was all for it, and then as I asked him about the practicalities of raising a child together as friends, he completely changed his mind and eventually accused me of deciding to get pregnant. Pre my termination, I told him I viscerally didn't want to make that decision, and he said from his end he wanted me to and became quite angry. I spoke with some close friends and family, and realistically I did feel guilty about how this had happened and did not want to force someone into fatherhood. So I had a termination at six weeks. It was very traumatic, it has been over half a year and I am still not really over it. The father has refused to give emotional support and said he cannot discuss what happened. I realise this is perhaps an over-reaction, but I cannot really sleep or eat properly, cry every day and regret the decision I made. I wish someone had cautioned me about the impact on my wellbeing. I am finding it so difficult to get over, and I wanted to ask here as people may have had the same experience with this. I want children, but also feel the pandemic will completely limit whether I can have them. I have looked into using donors but am also aware that my mental health is so poor right now it will need time to settle. At the end of the day, I do know it was extremely early, but I have been triggered even by images of foetuses at that stage, and have tried to hurt myself in the recent past. Any advice on what seems to be a trauma I cannot get past is much appreciated.