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In-laws sending mixed messages, again...

30 replies

MariaFidelis · 21/01/2021 14:29

Hi all,

This is my first post on this forum, so would really appreciate your help!

DH and I have barely been on speaking terms with his family since last winter (2020), due to a number of long-term issues and episodes of unpleasantness (religious and social intolerance, jealousy etc) that culminated in virtually all of them declaring they would not be attending our wedding last July (his grandmother, parents and brother eventually did, after a last minute change of decision, but were very unpleasant to me and my family on the day, and left before the reception started).

We are now very blessed to be welcoming our first child in April, and after being encouraged by DH's grandmother (who has been wonderfully supportive over the last 18 months), for the sake of our child we decided to gradually attempt reconciliation with DH's parents and brother before Christmas. We received lovely cards over the period from both, however when we replied to his brother by email, received no response. I also texted the email to him and enquired after them, which was noted as 'read' but until now has remained ignored. Confused, we sent a nice email to DH's parents earlier this week, after another series of pleasant exchanges, remarking on our surprise at the lack of response from DH's brother, and we have since received no reply from them as well. As such, this has left us completely bewildered, especially after what we thought was such a pleasant exchange of messages (enquiring after our and baby's health etc) and a very generous gift towards the nursery.

Apologies for the long post, but we are both feeling a bit lost (and sad), wondering whether our effort to seek reconciliation with DH's family (for the second time!) has once again been rebuffed?

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 21/01/2021 21:43

Cut these horrible twats off... FFS

they tried to ruin your Wedding day now this...

whats the frequent saying you here on here ...

When someone shows you who they are... believe them 🌺

SnowFields · 21/01/2021 21:44

If your email didn’t have anything specific that required an answer, they may not have intended to reply regardless of their feelings about receiving it. However, to then have it texted and then possibly feel they were criticised to their parents might have been too much for them.

It really doesn’t sound like you will be missing out with them staying out of your lives. I’d be grateful that I could continue not seeing them without feeling any guilt over it.

katy1213 · 21/01/2021 21:55

You don't even like these people - and certainly they don't sound very nice - so why bother pursuing a relationship? Your child isn't going to care and it's certainly not inflicting a broken home on them!
However - brother sends a card - you thank him for card - now you're wondering why he doesn't thank you for the thank-you? Presumably because he's not interested in long-drawn correspondence about nothing in particular!

SunnySideUp2020 · 22/01/2021 08:38

It will sound harsh but why are you putting yourself through all this?
Clearly you don't like them (and i don't blame you) and they don't like you. And truth is you Don't HAVE to like each other.
This whole sending cards, gifts, thank yous etc... sound a bit fake from both sides.
It's almost as if you all try to do "what's right" to later say i was nice and they weren't. Or i tried and look at the result. Entertaining the drama.
In my opinion waste of time and energy.
Focus on your own family, the people who make you feel good, safe and happy.
Also, people don't change. Toxic people will always be toxic. They just find more subtle ways to be toxic after being called out IME.
Let go of this relationship. And if i were you i would refuse gifts especially money from people who clearly have 0 respect.

Howshouldibehave · 22/01/2021 08:46

You haven’t got a rely to your email, so you sent a text and then you emailed your in law to say you were surprised they hadn’t replied.

Just stop. You were barely speaking last year by the sounds of it, it’s unlikely to go from that to weekly chats.

Just leave it a few months and see what happens-it sounds like it’s been very complicated and probably won’t be resolved quickly. Don’t push things too much.

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