First baby - where do i start

[winnie3838]

Hi,
I'm pregnant with my first child (13wks). I've had a busy couple of months - and of course have just been hoping to get through this first trimester first and for all to be well, so I haven't done any planning/research/buying yet for our new arrival. I have a bit more time on my hands now and i'm sure there are some things i should start thinking about, but not sure where to start and have no idea what i'll need. We haven't told any friends yet so any advice on here appreciated :)

1. Crib - you can pick up a bargain on ebay or gumtree, it will need a new mattress and bedding for safety reasons. You'll need to decide whether you want a "next to me" crib or put the baby straight into their own room (the recommendation is for six months in with you). You can get a Snuzpod 3 for £100 or less second hand, Argos are selling them for £150 new inc mattress at the moment.

1. Buggy - these lose value faster than a new car. Again, you can get a bargain online. Brands like bugaboo tend to hold their value, do some research on which models would be best for you.

1. Car Seat - research alongside buggy. Some e.g. Maxi-Cosi you can buy adaptors so that they can be clipped on to a buggy frame, this was a lifesaver for me when doing shopping, saves taking the full buggy out with me when I went to Tesco!

1. Feeding - if you aren't sure whether to BF or Formula feed you could leave off buying sterilizer systems and bottles until after the birth. I wasn't sure and just took bottles of premix formula to the hospital with me which in the end never got used. We got a Phillips sterilizer, bottle and hand pump set a couple of days later.

1. Breast pads, maternity pads, nipple cream, BF tops for yourself

1. Clothes - don't bother with the newborn size as they will be useless within a couple of weeks if you have an average to large sized baby, 0 to 3 months will last longer. Don't buy too many, you will probably get given loads! Muslin cloths are very useful. Plan for up to 3 outfits per day - we averaged two changes of clothes per day but it could sometimes be more. Since you won't want shitty clothes hanging around for long, about four days worth of clothes is a good place to start as you'll be washing them frequently; you can always buy more if needed.

1. Toys - honestly, don't bother with too much to begin with - they really don't care until they are about three months old. By that time you will have been gifted loads!

1. Changing station - a plastic mat, wipes, nappies, cream. We just used a £10 mat from amazon on top of a normal table.

1. Baby bath - basic ones are cheap

10. Consider your laundry process - you will be doing more washing than you have ever done in your life. Babies sick up and explosively crap on everything! If your washing machine is old and a bit rubbish, it is worth getting it serviced or considering whether it is time to upgrade. Washer/dryers are a lifesaver.

If that's not an option, consider carefully how much space you have to dry clothes and whether you should think about a dehumidifier - we ended up with a mould problem when our baby was tiny due to constantly needing to dry wet clothes. Now we have a washer/dryer and it is so much easier!

@ScaredOfDinosaurs what a fantastically helpful post ❤️

@ScaredOfDinosaurs thank you so so much - this is so helpful!

Retailers like John Lewis do free consultations for expectant parents so they can talk you through things you will need or want. You don't have to buy anything from them and I think they're doing them virtually so you wouldn't even have to leave your home. There's also lists available through Google searches which include things like Muslin squares and blankets, etc.

I'm a FTM and went to the Mothercare events and got their list when they were around. I got the crib and changing table from them for half price (£125 each) but never needed the changing table. I ended buying some cheap travel changing mats and had one upstairs and one downstairs instead. I ended up breastfeeding but bought the Tommee Tippee steriliser set. Some of the stuff I bought I never needed but I got some bargains like my iCandy which I bought direct from their website as they offered it £300 cheaper than elsewhere and like PP said I got the Maxicosy car seat and bought the adaptors for an additional £25.

So many useful posts! Just a couple of more obscure things to consider:

1. writing/changing your Wills ahead of the arrival
2. getting life insurance in place/reviewing existing policies to check they’re still sufficient

In addition to the above, I would start looking into finances / maternity pay etc., childcare options if you’re going to work after the baby arrives (though you don’t have to decide that now!).

If you work, have a look into your company’s maternity leave policies and see how much they pay and for how long. Another option now is shared parental leave, so talk to your dh / dp about whether or not it’s something you might be interested and do some research into what their employer offers. They can take up to six months (which comes out of your maternity leave). Some workplaces offer this as paid leave.

I say look at your maternity pay, so you can start thinking about whether or not you need to save more to cover time off that isn’t paid. I have generous employees who did full pay for the first six months. It was AWESOME but it was a shock when I started just getting SMP and then nothing. In retrospect I would have saved more in the lead up to going on leave and when I was being paid

@Argh3456 thank you for those tips and I will definitely look at doing that at John Lewis then

@HotDiggidy2017 something i hadn't even considered, will talk to my partner about looking in to that - thank you!

@Absy oh wow - 6 mths! Sadly there is no maternity policy at my work so i will only get the SMP. I plan to go back to work after 8-10wks on reduced hours at first and my mother will potentially move in for a few months to help us until the baby is ready for nursery. Both my partner and I work from home so we are hoping between all of us we can make it work.

@Renovation2021 @winnie3838 you're welcome - it was actually really helpful for me to write all that out, I'm having another one soon and need to get myself organized again!

Best of luck getting everything sorted out x

Thank you so much to everyone for asking and answering this post. I'm in a similar position with no idea where to start. I can now breathe a sigh of relief with all the fantastic information here, so thank you xx

super helpful @ScaredOfDinosaurs thank you

Most of what a baby needs can be bought second hand - except car seat and cot mattresses.

I spent my first trimester feeling rotten, the start of my second trimester thinking about my priorities re. Baby purchases, after the anomaly scan I started making a list of all the purchases I would need to make and around the start of my third trimester I started shopping.

I decided it was important to me to minimise the environmental impact of having a child as much as possible. We decided that we would buy as little as was necessary whilst pregnant and buy other bits as we have needed. With online shopping pretty much everything can be in your hands within 48h of purchase. We decided that we wanted to try cloth nappies (love them!!) and wipes (amazing!!), I even gave cloth sanitary pads a go for the post partum bleed and was really pleased with them and I won't be buying disposables again.
As my partner needs the car for commuting I knew I would be a "walking" mum rather than a "car" mum so we decided against a travel system. This also meant we could buy just the one car seat as we could go straight for an extended rear facing car seat rather than replacing the car seat at 12-15 months once the travel system car seat was out grown. I also went for a more sturdy pram and wasn't overly worried about its size.
We went for unfitted sheets rather than fitted which has meant we could use the same sheets for the crib, travel cot and pram.

In case it's useful to anyone, some thoughts on choosing a buggy -

1. Overall size when folded / made up relative to your car, hallway and local buses. E.g. a London bus takes 2 buggies side by side unless they are the super wide ones like some Silver Cross models.

1. Resale value - they depreciate fast if bought new, it's worth knowing what you can get back when you sell it on.

1. Availability and price of spare parts. My first bugaboo was ancient, cost £100 including car seat adapters, rain cover etc...and the frame broke after about six months. I bought a second identical one off gumtree for £80 and then had spare wheels, seat fabric etc which saved a fortune when I got a puncture and then later a broken front wheel. Sold it on for £70 when I was done with it!

1. Steering and handling- Ideally get one that you can steer and push one handed. You might need the other hand suddenly to hold a shopping basket, answer your phone, put your train ticket in the barriers etc. Test steering it one handed with a heavy handbag dumped in it to mimic the baby - older buggies can get wonky steering like shopping trolleys do.

1. Wheel size - large rear wheels means it is much easier to get on and off public transport.

1. Brakes - one to look out for if buying second hand, just like with cars!!

1. Extras - car seat adaptors are insanely expensive when bought from the manufacturers. Ditto rain covers. If you're buying second hand definitely ask about extras, you could double the cost if you have to get those extras separately.

I wish there was a like button for all these super handy posts!

I would suggest thinking very seriously about what things you actually, really, truly, need to have. They are actually pretty few and far between. Find any services in your area which can help you with selecting items, for example, many councils run cloth nappy schemes where they either provide some kit or some money towards your purchases. If you travel a lot, you’ll be needing a good baby carrier - there are sling libraries where you can get someone with knowledge to recommend one for you or try some out. For clothes, everyone seems to have stacks of new baby clothes, it’s highly likely you can get a bundle secondhand or hand me down for a majority in small baby sizes as they are in them for such a short time.

When it comes to stuff, actually with online ordering you can get most things within a few days so nothing is truly pressing. Instead of thinking about things, why not look up information and services like the nappy services and sling libraries. Do you have a childrens centre? Is there a playgroup near you? Do you have infant feeding support locally? Car seat fitting? Do you think you’d like to do antenatal classes, nct, hypnobirthing? Have you thought about where you’d like to give birth? Do you have any friends with children? Does your contract of employment stipulate you can’t be looking after dependents whilst WFH? How much can you save for your maternity leave? How much are local nurseries? Would you prefer a childminder? Can you get any recommendations?

Talking to your partner about how you’d like to raise your baby. Are you financially protected if you are on mat leave or a SAHM? Have you made a will? Recommended reading - Shattered - modern motherhood and the illusion of equality by Rebecca Asher.

Good luck!

Thank you @LouNatics! Lots to go through here and to think about. Yes very keen not to buy more than we really need and like previous posters have said too, most things can be purchased and delivered to your home in 24-48hrs now anyway. Definitely need to start thinking about the birth and antenatal classes. Will check out those book too - cheers!

Oooh if we’re talking books I’m loving The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read ❤️ Fascinating!

@ScaredOfDinosaurs this is so helpful thank you!

Lots already covered here, and as I'm a ftm too (36 weeks) I won't give too much advice just yet! 😂 But - if you're looking at antenatal classes, there's an online charity called Blossom Antenatal. Think they started in the first lockdown, run by midwives and breastfeeding consultants, doulas, etc. They're funded partially by Barnardo's I think and loads of their classes are free and on Zoom. I've only done one so far but it was pretty good!