Unplanned pregnancy and unsure what to do

[Eljb20]

Hi all.

Sorry for the long post but im in a bit of a mess.

I've recently found out im pregnant, 5 weeks... it came as a massive shock to me as I've been on the pill.

I am 29 and haven't got any children yet but have always wanted them one day. Currently I have a good job and rent my own flat, pay my own bills etc.
The babys father is 42, no children and did have a stable job but this has been made difficult due to covid. He's now unsure when he'll be able to go back to work which has put a lot of stress on him.

When I told him I was pregnant he made it very clear that he feels a termination is the right option. He doesn't feel ready, he isn't financially stable and our relationship is still new (8 months).

I can completely understand his fears but I cant come to terms with the idea of terminating. I feel unable to talk to him as he gets frustrated with me.

When I try to explain to him how I feel, he says he can understand that I feel emotionally attached and will support me whatever I choose but he thinks having this baby would be wrong and selfish of me.

I do believe he would support me and the baby, hes said he would want to be a proper dad, but I still feel like he's pressuring me by being so vocal that keeping this baby would be wrong.

I'm aware the circumstances aren't perfect but I feel like I may regret having a termination. I have made it clear to him that I still feel very conflicted as I am trying to be as honest as I can.

If anyone has been in a similar situation I'd be really grateful to hear how others have handled it and the outcomes!

I had a similar problem with our eldest. We were only young (18&20) when I fell pregnant. He said he didn't feel ready (he's younger) and gave me the money for termination. After a few weeks of thinking I just couldn't go through with it and told him I was having the baby with or without him. He threw his toys out of the pram and threatened to split up but that never happened. We've been together for almost 17 years now, married with 5 children and pregnant again. If I'd have terminated I couldn't have made it work with him as there would be too much resentment, even though we have a lippy teen I regret nothing.

If you want this baby then a termination is not right for you. You can make it work.

Termination is such an emotional decision, he can't say it's selfish not too. There is never a right time for most things and babies are definitely in that category.

This is a decision you have to make because it's one you live with forever.

It's selfish of him to put that pressure on YOU.
I've had 2 children in worse situations than you and it worked out absolutely fine.
He doesn't sound great if he's getting frustrated with you over something that's such a massive emotional decision.
If you don't want to terminate, do not let him pressure you into it.

I've not been in your situation so my post isn't from experience but it seems clear to me from reading your post that you don't want a termination and if you don't want a termination you absolutely should not have one regardless of what anyone else has to say on the subject. I am pro choice but the choice has to yours and yours alone.

Hi this sounds like where I was years ago. And the words selfish were used against me and of course I was going to ‘ruin his life’. I was early 20s and so was he, but we had just started our careers and we’re living at his parents whilst we saved money to buy a house. I had so much pressure from him and his family to have an abortion and in the end I did.

It absolutely kills me and still does to this day. I was always pro choice but never ever wanted to have one myself and I had lots of counselling over it. Although we both now have great paying jobs and a lovely home, I would take having that baby over all of this as I feel like I’ve not been the same person since.

What I’m trying to say is just think about what you want, not what everyone else wants for you. Make a decision you’re happy with and can live with. It’s a very emotional decision and one that requires a lot of thought.

Decide what you want, not what your partner wants. If you choose to terminate and it is not what you truly want, you will spend everyday regretting it and resent your partner for going along with what he wants. You are financially stable which is a benefit as well despite covid. If you have any uncertainty or negative feelings towards a termination go with your gut instinct and carry on with the pregnancy. Many boyfriends and husbands feel reluctant at the start of a pregnancy, however they often change their mind and end up loving and supporting you and the baby, especially as it's your first he is likely terrified of change but weigh up your emotions for and against the pregnancy before making any decisions. xx

Just wondering have you made any progress in making a decision? x