Full term...family pressure stressing me out

[Dorset555]

Hi there just wondered if anyone had any pearls of wisdowm/experiences in managing excited families...
Its my first baby and will.be both my and my partners parents first grandchild. They mean well but I just hate.how.excited they are because it feels.like pressure and I just keep.worruing what if something goes wrong or what if the baby is ill or something really.bad happens. Also they are all asking about when they can see the baby and I just don't need this right now...I imagine it is always this way but the pandemic makes it even harder to tell them what they want to.hear. I just want to be left alone to be honest but appreciate that's just being selfish and they are just excited. They all.just really want this baby and its making me feel a bit weird to be honest.

In some ways the lockdown is a blessing, as the answer to when they can see baby is at end of lockdown. My baby is 7 weeks and is still to meet our family although we've done video calls.

I found the hype at the end hard. I put my other half on a family what's app group as I found the messages when I was in labour to much

Say what you feel to them. Say exactly what you said here. Do not minimize your feelings or they will continue to believe their attentions are OK or welcome. Say you feel under pressure and it's not what you like, ask for space, say you will inform them as things progress but they should stop asking. Also if something goes wrong, it goes wrong, you do not have the power of the gods to ensure everything is to your relatives' liking. You have to make it clear these people are stressing you and you want it to stop. Put your needs first. Take care x

Yea I really am pretty happy that no one will be able.to come round once the baby is born...I just want to hunker down!
I have ready told my partner I don't want people to know when I go into labour ...I just don't want the pressure and the expectation or thinking that people are thinking about me. I guess.some people want that but I really don't. But I do appreciate my boyfriend may want support from his friends and family I just don't see it that way...maybe things will change at the time! I've got a.very strained relationship with my mother and I just can't suddenly.pretend that we are close once I have a baby

This is where your DP /DH steps in.

He can tell them all to back off - that they will be told when the baby's born, name etc from him. And not to keep hassling you - you're trying to rest. DO NOT TELL ANYONE YOU'RE IN LABOUR!!!!

Then put your phone on 'Do Not Disturb' and put your feet up

As the others have said the lockdown is a blessing here - until it's finished no one is meeting the baby in person and they'll just have lump it. No point moaning at you and DP/DH about it - its not happening. You can arrange video calls when you're home.
Take care!

Also if you don't want them to see the baby say you are worried about covid so no personal meetings first month! This is your life and you can make the rules. When they are sharing their plans to see the baby, just state whatever you want best. For example "We can't wait to see the little one, we'll be sure to pop in on day one" and you go "We are spending the first month isolating, both me and the baby will need the peace and quiet. We are planning to invite guests after the baby turns 1 month" and if they protest repeat it like mantra until they get it.

Thanks guys ok sounds like I'm not being u reasonable then! Its so strange how insensitive the things people say are! Just today in the coffee shot a complete stranger asked me if I was nervous about giving birth in a pandemic. Seriously wtf. Thanks.tho this is giving me confidence to stand firm!!!

just keep.worruing what if something goes wrong or what if the baby is ill or something really.bad happens.

If the baby is in SCBU/NICU then only parents are likely to be able to visit and possibly only one at any one time. If your baby dies or is on palliative care, depending upon the hospital’s facilities, you will likely be moved to a bereavement suite and you will have more control over visitors. You can’t really predict how you will feel in that situation but the midwives will support you in your decisions.

I'm having the opposite problem... I'm genuinely devastated that my parents and inlaws and extended family won't be able to visit straight away.

I might have even had a little cry about it today (aren't pregnancy hormones great? 😂).

Seriously, don't feel bad. Everyone is different and covid makes it really easy to keep people away until you're more settled.

Ah sorry you're feeling the other way about it its so hard isn't it. Hopefully your family can still be a huge support to you eve if its virtually.xx

Don't worry, I think pregnancy is always going to be difficult in some way or another (we just have the pandemic to contend with as well!).

Good luck with everything

You too!! :-)

Hi OP, I was in a similar situation when DS was born. He was first grandchild on both sides. Everyone was so excited which was lovely but also a bit overwhelming. Then I felt guilty / ungrateful for being overwhelmed when they had every right to be excited.

I didn't handle it all that well, but if I ever have a second DC, this is what I'd do differently...

1. Be honest

Kindly but firmly say it's a bit overwhelming at the moment and you'll be in touch when there's news.

1. Ignore messages / calls if you're not feeling it. Turn your phone off and relax.

1. Set clear boundaries about newborn visits so no one just shows up the minute you are home (lockdown is your friend in this case).

1. Ask DP to take over communication if it all gets a bit much.

All the best for a peaceful and stress free birth

Thanks so much thats some really nice clear and practical advice - will.definitely try and do that!!
The other issue im having is my boss sending me messages like ' How's life with nothing to do?' - I don't think he realises he's making me feel guilty for not working on maternity leave but I'm 38 weeks and I'm on maternity leave and want to be relaxing! Any advise on how to deal with this one?!?!