Pregnancy feels :(

[boozzysuzziie]

I'm feeling so much guilt looking into formulas whilst pregnant. I was able to bf my first child and I loved the bonding experience it gave us (Don't get me wrong it definitely wasn't all bunnies and roses) but this time I know I don't have that option due to personal\medical reasons. I feel like I'm going to miss out. I've found a few formulas I'm thinking about, one being Kendamil because I saw it has no palm oil. I'm also considering Kendamil goat. I just want my second child to be as loved and happy as my first, I know deep down that formula won't change that but you can never stop the overwhelming guilt. If you read all this then thank you for sticking with it and please let me know if you have any words of comfort\advice.

I gave birth to my first 9 weeks ago. I had my heart set on breastfeeding band hasn’t really even done any research about formula as it hadn’t crossed my mind that I would be using it.

Here we are at 9 weeks and baby is totally formula fed. For reasons beyond my control, I couldn’t breastfeed. At first, I was devastated and felt so guilty. However, my baby is happy, thriving and well fed and as a mum that’s all I can ask for. Can’t believe I beat myself up over it so much! X

Fed is best not breast. If you can't breastfeed for whatever reason then do not feel guilty about it. Bottle feeding can be just as bonding but you can gaze in to babys eyes as it's done too.

I struggled with milk supply with ours. I was made to feel very guilty with our 1st but she was starving so I had to swap to formula. I tried diet changes huge amounts of water and several supplements with the next 2 babies but again it just didn't work for us. With our twins I took formula in to hospital with me as I knew I wouldn't be able to supply enough for one of them let alone two. One of our twins would only let me feed her. I will do the same with this one. We used C&G or Aptamil for ours, not sure which one I'll be going with this time.

I didnt breastfeed my first at all, he couldn't latch and was starving, he is currently 3 and we have the best bond, hes a total mummys boy and is the happiest little boy ever, currently pregnant with my second and have no plans to breastfeed them either. Fed is best, you have nothing to feel guilty for

This is so great to see so many people talking about their experiences. It's really lifted my spirits. Thank you! xx

I didn't BF because I just didn't want to, me and DD still have an amazing bond. Youre looking in to the best options for your new DC, just like you did with your first, they're already just as loved and taken care of. People can't BF for various reasons, they still have a bond with their babies, you're doing what's right by your DC so don't feel guilty x

I wanted to reassure you there are so many ways to be a ‘good parent’ and breast feeding is not the be all and end all. I bf my three but I’ve messed up in lots of other ways: the older two are now pre- teens and eat too much junk (they both have ASD and are super picky eaters), they are currently having way too much screen time and I’ve been too soft on them with regard to chores so they are a bit entitled and can be ungrateful / lazy. If I’d really struggled to bf I’d have FF (in fact I was almost at that point with DS1 but he got the hang of it after a few weeks.). I now have a 6 month old who is EBF but I’m actually regretting my decision a bit as she is very, very reliant on BF to sleep and I spend a lot of time sitting / lying down with her feeding to keep her snoozing. I think she’s be a better sleeper on a bottle as she wouldn’t be using me as a dummy. I’d then maybe have more time for the rest of the family and wouldn’t be going out of my mind with tiredness.

I'm in exactly the same boat. I breastfed my first exclusively for 6 months. He's almost 14 now and a strapping lad (taller than me!)

Well now I'm pregnant with DC2 - but in the last 4 years I've had breast cancer, found it was genetic, had a double mastectomy and 4 more reconstructive surgeries. So breastfeeding is a definite no for me 😕

I think this "breast is best" rhetoric has gone way too far. Yeah, I get that you pass antibodies and nutrients to your baby.... but it also increases the mom guilt for those of us that can't, or even don't want to breastfeed. Surely a healthy well fed baby is better than a guilty, depressed momma?

Anyway - off my soap box!! Your baby will be absolutely fine whether bottle fed or breast fed. Xxxx

I found this Guardian article really informative:
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/20/is-breast-really-best-i-looked-at-all-the-data-to-find-out
I'm at high risk of PND and know that if I am unable to breastfeed I will feel really guilty about it and that could be a trigger. This helped me by showing that actually the long term outcomes aren't all that different for babies irrespective of how they are fed. Other things will have a much bigger impact.

My DD is 11 weeks. She is lying here in my arms having a bottle. I tried BF, it didnt work, she was too hungry. I didnt try BF my first because honestly, I didnt want to. I obviously had my reasons. My baby is gaining weight, sleeping, smiling, laughing, developing, and thriving. She is utterly loved. Formula has nothing to do with how much you love your child. A FF child doesnt feel less loved than a BF one. The important thing is you care for them, and formula is a thing part of a lifetime of caring for your child. I know it's easier said than done but try give yourself a bit of a break. BF doesnt make you a better mother than FF, despite what society may say.

Oh also, dont fall for the marketing on formula. It's a very strictly regulated product. If something is found to be beneficial for a baby it has to be included in EVERY forma product. Anything extra is marketing and hasn't been found to be beneficial. I had my first on aptimil but now I have my second and aldi and she took to it brilliantly. My DD1 has tummy issues with Aptimil

Thanks everyone! I am feeling a lot better about this now and have come to peace with formula feeding, I've even seen people preferred the bond that ff gave them rather than bf! I know why baby will be okay and I'll love them regardless of how I can feed them. On another note is there any formula recommendations? As I mentioned before I am looking into ones like Hipp and Kendamil, and recently just came across Kabrita.

Hi OP,

I breastfed my son for the first 6 weeks, then found out that his latch wasn't right (no help due to COVID) and he was hungry which is why he was so unsettled (the guilt was massive as I didn't know). I then switched to exclusively pumping until he was 4.5 months old and that was the hardest thing I've ever done and took so much time away from me and my ds. At that point I realised it wasn't worth it and my ds having my full attention was SO much more important.

I switched him to HIPP Organic formula and we've not had any problems. I understand what you're saying, the guilt was huge and I was actually embarrassed to tell anybody as I was so sure I wanted him to have only breast milk. But he's now 6.5 months and absolutely fine, he is no different to when he was having just breast milk.

I completely understand how you're feeling, but the guilt will pass when you see your baby is fine on formula. As a mum all you can do is try and if there is personal/medical reasons you can't bf then don't feel any guilt at all!! You will love and care for your baby exactly the same as you did your first and there is no shame in not being able to bf! Good luck and don't worry 💐