Pregnant after infertility

[Rosieposy89]

Hello all, I was just looking for advice and support really. I'm 5+4 weeks pregnant with our first baby. It took us a long time to get here. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility last July. We have been TTC since January 2019. In November we experienced a failed round of IVF and were getting ready for a FET when it happened naturally.

I'm obviously delighted but I'm feeling really scared too. I am finding it hard to accept that it happened on its own and keep waiting for something to go wrong. I really wish I could get out of this negative mindset. I understand these feelings are here because infertility is such a traumatic thing to go through and I spent every month angry at my body for letting us down. It's hard to switch your mindset and learn to trust your body again I guess. I'm also struggling with lockdown/working from home - it's hard to escape from these thoughts.

Has anyone got any words of wisdom to share?

My dd (22 months) is ivf. We'd been ttc about 2 and a half years at hat point with two chemicals to show for it. When I finally got pregnant with her it was super surreal. I was a bit anxious at times.

I got pregnant naturally through a one hit wonder in July. Totally shocked me. I hated those people who got pregnant without trying, and there I was - one of 'them'. Again, totally surreal. The more time has gone on, he less it messes with my head.

It's about acceptance. What will be will be. Not how you thought it would happened, but it is what it is.

All first time mums (in particular) expect things to go wrong.

Would you still have access to your clinic's counsellor to sort through some of those feelings?

No advice sorry. I haven’t been TTC for as long as you (since July 2019 with ectopic in October) and got a bfp earlier this month too. I’m also 5+4 and absolutely terrified. My heart wouldn’t stop racing yesterday and I have brown spotting today.

I’m trying to find a way out of this negative headspace too so if you find anything that helps please let me know!

Really happy you got a bfp after all this time. I know it’s stressful

Sorry you feel like that. Infertility is so hard. The only things I found that helped were time and counselling. I wasn't ready to let myself believe it would be OK. One thing my counsellor suggested that helped was writing down some positive statements. I found it really hard - I had to find things I actually believed ("I'm PG today" didn't work for me after a MMC and "this baby will be healthy" was something I'd said to my tummy before my 2nd loss so I didn't believe it). I went with "it's OK to have hope" and tried to focus on that. Doesn't sound like a big statement but actually I'd got wrapped up in feeling stupid for thinking it might be OK in previous PG and was disdainful of anyone who was pregnant and just assumed their baby would be fine. Unwrapping that negative thought process really helped.

My story is similar to physicskate infact we were on the same IVF thread when we conceived our DDs. After DD took 5 years TTC and a round of IVF I'm currently 17 weeks after I felt guilty 1 night in Sept after to much red wine the weekend before. The thing with infertility is you spend the whole time you're infertile thinking everything will be ok if you could just get pregnant and then when you do get pregnant it's actually not ok as you swap one lot of anxiety for a whole other lot of anxiety. I really struggled with my anxiety levels with DD and had panic attacks on more than one occasion about one thing or another, truth be told it didn't get better for me until after 20 weeks with her once we'd had all the scans and I could feel regularl movements. This time around my anxiety hasn't been half as bad and that's because I've been able to tell myself that I am capable of carrying a baby and you don't get given a miracle for it to be taken away.
When pregnant with DD the question I asked myself was if the worse happens will I be any less devastated if I think negatively and expect the worse than I will be if I think positively and expect a good outcome and the answer was I'd be devastated either way so I might aswell let myself be excited and hopeful.

I know just how you feel. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant after 13 years of infertility. I had put it out of my head that I would ever have a birth child so until I got to my 20 week scan I never thought it would work out. My husband & I even struggled to talk about baby till after 12 weeks. It does get easier the further along you get & now I'm feeling movement it helps. I don't think I will fully stop worrying about something going wrong until baby is in my arms.

Have a look at the ‘Finally pregnant’ podcast, I think it’s on most platforms, it deals with exactly this issue and I’ve found it really useful. Currently 21 weeks after 5 years TTC, a mmc and a successful round of IVF. I found going for my 20 week scan last week so terrifying. You spend all that time and energy desperately trying to get off the starting block and then once you’re pregnant it’s a whole new set of worries. Sometimes I feel so jealous of my friends who had none of the problems we did and who seem to have taken their pregnancies for granted.

I was infertile and tried for a baby for 10 years. I was told it would never happen. Early last summer I fell pregnant and then had a miscarriage. Six weeks later I fell pregnant again. After waiting so long and then losing a pregnancy I was terrified for so long. We couldn’t acknowledge that this was definitely happening for a while and we are only just beginning to get excited really now at 23 weeks! Finally my husband felt a kick!
It’s really hard and my advice is to take it a day at a time.
Wishing you well op