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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Any of your partners not into babies until you had your own?

24 replies

BlueHairGirl · 17/01/2021 20:59

My husband and I are having our first baby, I'm 11 weeks gone 😊

I'm not worried about him being a loving and involved father, he is nearly as desperate as me to have a baby. BUT he's never been into babies, he doesn't coo over them, has never held a newborn and has never changed a nappy because hasn't wanted to! I think he finds them fragile and scary.

I'm wondering if this is quite normal? If your partner was like this how easily did he get into/used to your own baby and all the care that's involved?

OP posts:

stillhappytohelp · 17/01/2021 21:02

This isn’t just limited to partners, I’ve had several female friends who (fair enough) never expressed any interest in my children, didn’t want to hold them as babies or get stuck in helping to change nappies (why would they ) - all completely changed when they had their own kids and they are all lovely mums now It really is different with your own. Although with my first I was a bit petrified to begin with because she seemed so fragile!

Such an exciting time for you OP, hope everything goes well

partyatthepalace · 17/01/2021 21:12

Totally normal! (And not just for men.)

ScatteredMama82 · 17/01/2021 21:14

Totally normal! I don’t think my DH had even held a baby until we had ours.

Luckyelephant1 · 17/01/2021 21:24

I don't think many men would 'coo' out loud, and most wouldn't have had the opportunity to hold a newborn or most certainly not change a nappy until they have one of their own! I've never changed a nappy myself and haven't held a newborn since my brother was born... which was when I was 9!

A couple of my pregnant friends are the same as well so I really wouldn't worry. Of course it will be a massive learning curve for everyone but I'm sure he'll get stuck in!

Meredithgrey1 · 17/01/2021 21:29

BUT he's never been into babies, he doesn't coo over them, has never held a newborn and has never changed a nappy because hasn't wanted to!

This was me and DH before DD was born. DH is the most wonderful father, plus he changes more nappies than I do.

Original poster

BlueHairGirl · 17/01/2021 21:46

Fantastic thank you everyone 😊

I'm not experienced with babies much at all, but I jump at the opportunity when there is one which is the difference! We have a little niece who he didn't particularly want to be anywhere near when she was a baby. But I feel good after hearing from you all!

Good point it's not just dad's too!

OP posts:

devildeepbluesea · 17/01/2021 21:47

Jeez, I wasn't into babies til I had my own. Or since, for that matter.

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 17/01/2021 21:57

I can't stand children or babies, absolutely no desire to be around them at all! When Sil had her kids people were always trying to get me to hold them everytime I'd reply with a polite but firm "no thanks" once MIL even suggested I might WANT to change the babies nappy I think my response to that may have been a little less polite (I believe "why the fuck would I want to do that?" was the gist).

DH was exactly the same.

The only difference between us and your partner was that we'd already had our first years before Sil started and I'm now pregnant with my third.

Turns out DH and I just only like the ones we make. I think most people are the same.

ScottishStardust · 17/01/2021 22:20

My husband is the exact same, don't panic! When we met our 1 day old nephew a few years back, I asked him if he wanted a cuddle (and to go sit down if he did), he just said no, and said to him I'll speak to you when you're 3 and you can kick a ball! Fast forward a bit of time (and a niece) he's the blinking favourite! Haha!

Still never held a newborn, never changed a nappy etc so think it'll be a big learning curve but I know he's going to be a complete natural! Annoyingly he'll be more relaxed than me as well!!

Bailegangaire · 17/01/2021 22:27

@devildeepbluesea

Jeez, I wasn't into babies til I had my own. Or since, for that matter.

Yup. Babies are boring unless their yours. In which case they’re interesting but fundamentally demonic.

KitteyGoLucky · 17/01/2021 22:28

My partner was the one who is pro life but has never held a baby...
has never changed a nappy... fed a child.. I think the closest he’s come to dealing with anything is baby sitting his younger sister who is 3 years younger.. haha!!

I’m not non maternal one.. and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant and am quite excited but 1000000% petrified right now as it’s my first child.. I have held a baby (my brother and sister) but I honestly felt like I was going to drop this tiny piece of glass.. panicked and handed them back very quickly...
I don’t feel like that right now maybe because it’s my own... maybe it’s because I’m older.. I think people very much changed in attitude once they are put into a situation they HAVE to take control of xx

LittleRa · 17/01/2021 22:31

Whose nappy would he have changed?

LittleRa · 17/01/2021 22:53

@LittleRa

Whose nappy would he have changed?

What I mean is that, even if you have friends with kids or nieces and nephews etc, I think it is probably quite unusual to have changed many nappies before having your own baby, especially for a man, so I wouldn’t necessarily take that as an indicator of anything. Have you changed many nappies yourself? Changing nappies isn’t even a particularly nice job as a parent to your own child so it’s not any indication of his feeling towards children in general that he “hasn’t wanted to” change other children’s nappies.

CircleofWillis · 17/01/2021 22:55

I don't think any one 'wants' to change a nappy. I'm the first one I ever changed was my baby daughter's and I was in my late thirties when I had her.

Respectabitch · 17/01/2021 23:00

@CircleofWillis

I don't think any one 'wants' to change a nappy. I'm the first one I ever changed was my baby daughter's and I was in my late thirties when I had her.

Yeah, I mean, jeez. I don't even want to change my own baby's nappy if I can get DH to do it.

I can't think why I would ever have changed a nappy before I had my own, unless I was babysitting (no real opportunities, and certainly didn't particularly want to).

I wasn't into babies until I had mine. Most people aren't. I would find a childless person overly into cooing and snuggling and wanting to change nappies a bit weird, frankly.

Alakasam · 18/01/2021 09:52

I hadn't changed a baby till I had mine and I hadn't held one since I was 10 - so even being in close proximity to one was probably 18 years!

None of my friends had kids I was in close contact with and no relatives' babies either so no opportunity. Partner was pretty similar - again, not sure he'd held a baby really till ours. And neither of us are "coo-ers".

It is very different when it's yours or perhaps a baby you are particularly close to. One of my friends who is not maternal in the slightest got quite teary-eyed holding my son - not because babies are cute or broodiness, but because she was so happy that we were happy.

whenwillsantagetvaccinated · 18/01/2021 09:56

Yup, totally normal.

A lot of men (and women, but men in particular) try to avoid babies, both because they don't really love anyone else's (same for me!), but also because they fear doing something wrong or hurting them etc. Totally normal - I wouldn't queue to hold anyone's small baby, as I know from my own experience how much happier they are being held by their parents, would only hold to help out parent or if asked really. I don't think this is particularly weird!

Luxembourgmama · 18/01/2021 09:58

I dont like babies or kids in general and I think my husband had the same fears as you but I love my own

WhenTwoBecomeThree · 18/01/2021 10:04

DP had never held a baby, never babysat for a child, he likes kids when they're older and can play with them etc, he was always scared of 'breaking' a baby or not holding them safely. When we had DD, he took to fatherhood straight away, he put her in her first babygrow, gave her the first feed, and he's the best dad to her still one year on

Tiny2222 · 18/01/2021 10:04

Normal!! I always loved babies but was afraid to hold them before I had my own. Your instincts just kick in when you have your own baby and you do all the coo'ing and cuddling just like everyone else :)

roarfeckingroarr · 18/01/2021 11:27

I had no maternal feelings of broodiness and had never held a baby or found one cute. I'm absolutely besotted with 3 month old DS and have been since day 1!

Original poster

BlueHairGirl · 20/01/2021 11:58

This is a good point the nappy thing isn't the most inviting thing to do if you don't need to 🤣 I changed my nephew's whenever I was there because I want to help with all baby stuff, but I've been broody since forever I've always known I want to be a mum and care for a young baby (and obviously a kid when they get older!).

We have 2 nieces on his side and a nephew on mine, so there's been lots of baby holding opportunities and he is like lots of people mentioning- pretty scared to! As well as quite indifferent.

It's great to see so many people saying you weren't very maternal/paternal but it switches on when you have your own! He is currently more excited about taking them for their first legal drink in their 18th than the young stuff but I'm sure that will change 🤗

OP posts:

shouldistop · 20/01/2021 12:01

Dh wasn't interested in babies at all. He 'wanted' kid's probably because it's the done thing.
We have 2 sons, a 4yo and new baby. He's a wonderful father.

WetJan · 20/01/2021 12:04

DH admitted he felt we should have a baby "in case he regretted not doing so". He's utterly besotted and now wants three

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