Did ‘not thinking about it’/‘relaxing’ help you get your BFP?

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Just started cycle 4 of trying. CD1 today and a 3rd month with another BFP really deflated me

I’ve opened up to a friend who said I really am stressed and should try and relax and not think about it.

To an extent I do agree, I can’t stop thinking about wanting to become a mother, everytime I see someone announce a pregnancy my heart sinks as I haven’t been that lucky yet.

I don’t know how to stop thinking about it as there’s not much to do in life at the minute! I go on long walks, do housework and go to work but it doesn’t stop me worrying and thinking.

Is the saying true, as soon as I ‘relax’ it’ll happen for me?

I did say to myself I’ll try to this month but I’m so nervous if I don’t schedule sex then we’ll miss our window and miss a chance!

I wish I could just be spontaneous with it and not worried

I think unless someone has problems conceiving, it's unnecessary pressure to do things like charting, ovulation tests etc, so for a few months at least, just ditch the contraceptives and have fun 😜.

If that doesn't work, or if there is time issue, then sure, put more thought into it, but otherwise, babies are a natural side effect of having sex, and shouldn't take any extra effort to get.

Both my children were conceived within about 3 months of deciding to try, and we just had a lot of fun with it.

I think otherwise your risk turning sex into a chore, which if it can be avoided, is probably better

Agree with the relax advise being very annoying as it can be impossible to. However having said that we were TTC for two years I was obsessed. The month it finally happened we were moving house and I was for once completely distracted and hadn't even bothered tracking my cycle.
One thing I would say is try not looking at others thinking everyone is getting pregnant and your not. You often find many people take quite a while to get pregnant we just don't share that info with others.

I agree it is such an annoying thing to say. When ttc it becomes all you can think about. But anyway, in my experience maybe it did help. I had 2 rounds of iui, both failed. Had my third round cancelled because I had cysts, went away instead, ate and drank all the wrong things and fell pregnant with twins. I had been SO careful about my eating/ drinking and stressed about ttc, I think the break was good.

Thank you everyone for the good lucks and the reassurance! This has cheered me up

I do think I need to stop obsessing. But I’m so scared of missing my fertile window that I won’t let myself loosen the reigns as I’m scared to miss a chance

However it can’t hurt to try. I’ve been using ovulation tests and obsessing over the darkness are lines are my hormones strong enough etc. And I’ve said sex every other day which is beginning to feel like a chore!

Guess I need to remind myself there’s about 1 week in the month which is my best chance to get pregnant, maybe aim to have sex more then but don’t make it so regimented.

Also I do know 3 months isn’t a while, I’m quite young (early 20s) so for some reason I keep telling myself that I should’ve conceived by now because everyone my age can conceive easily. A stupid thought really as I don’t know what everyone goes through! But I’ve added a stupid amount pressure on myself due to being young and believing I should’ve conceived 1st try

Think the first step this month is to drop that belief and be easier on myself

One of the most annoying things someone can tell you is to relax and it will happen. Infuriating even. But actually, I've been pregnant twice and both times I fell at 8 months and had given up by that point, thinking there was no point taking yet another test as it'd be negative. It wasn't.

I read a statistic once that most people fall pregnant in their 6th or 9th month ttc (who knows how reliable that is though!). Try to take comfort in the fact that your overwhelming likely to be pregnant by September.

Yes. I spent a year tracking my cycle eith no luck and then OH was posted away on covid stuff so I stopped taking temp and didn’t wee on sticks as there was no point knowing, he wasn’t coming home. Then he got a random weekend he could come home and now I’m 12 weeks 😊

It's annoying when people tell you to just relax! But I wonder if there is something in it. Every time I fell pregnant it was when we had stopped timing, OPKs, temperature taking etc.

I hated hearing "relax and it'll happen" so much. After a MMC, which was late enough that everyone knew, we were then TTC for the best part of a year, and heard it so many times.

But I do think there's a different, better message hidden in there, which is so true. I believe getting in touch with what you and your body really need, and giving that to yourself, makes a huge difference to conception chances. Exhausted from effortful TTC and need to flop for a month? Do it. Not had enough fun lately and need to have some drinks and act a bit wild for a weekend? Can totally help. Really just need to take off the tough exterior and cry it out for a few days? That might be the key.

I'd been seeing a wonderful acupuncturist for months, and taking lots of great herbs (body transformed by both of those things - couldn't have got back to full health without them) but last november I just got the feeling I needed to stay home for a month and nest, so cancelled appointments and stopped thinking about fixing things. It was the month we conceived . 12 week scan this week...