Yes - I don’t think the consultant will mind at all, she should hopefully be happy to see you back. I imagine she and her team are also absolutely devastated as well (although obviously not the same as what you are going through) - Such a rare and unpredictable complication and even more so at 36 weeks as it’s not expected to have such difficulty. I’m sure she’d be very happy to help you in whatever way possible. Generally speaking all hospitals should have a review process where cases with bad outcomes are formally reviewed, including discussion between the doctors involved as well as others, as to whether anything could have been done differently, and also as a group what they would recommend for your care next time. That review process is usually a couple of months down the track and that should also be discussed with you. That would include results of things like placental examination or post Mortem, infection screening, etc etc.
From your description it would be impossible to tell when that ring formed - whether it was to do with the weeks of pre-labour or only occurred during the induction process. Having pains like that for a while before establishing labour is not uncommon at all, and wouldn’t usually be a strong sign that anything would go wrong in labour - it sounds like you were treated in a standard kind of way in terms of aiming to get baby a few more weeks of growth. I’m not sure anyone would be able to tell you the chances of that happening again. Your choice of words “condemning yourself” to a preterm baby in future makes me wonder whether you’re blaming yourself at this stage for your boy? It may take time and lots of talking and information but hopefully you’ll come to a stage where you’re at peace that you couldn’t have controlled this outcome and it’s not your fault.
Re next time and possible preterm - outcomes are exceptionally good past 34 weeks so even if you did need to have your baby at that time, all would be ok. Mortality risks aren’t really increased at that age - you would be looking at NICU admission, Some help with breathing, feeding, maybe jaundice. possibly a few points difference on an IQ scale long term, very slightly higher chance of behavioural difficulties vs a 39 weeker.
Nothing is ever guaranteed with pregnancy, that’s the hard thing - in some ways I feel each time we are rolling the dice and just trusting that everything will be ok. And there’s no way around that completely - but certainly extra care and things that can be done to tip the odds more in your favour.
I don’t think it’s too early to consider all this - people telling you it’s too early doesn’t make you stop thinking about it. I think knowledge is power - and just taking in the bits that you can at each stage, putting other bits to the back of your mind for now - everyone heals differently but it’s normal to be thinking of the future at the same time as grieving for your baby. Some women want another baby straight away and others can’t think of that for some time - all valid and normal reactions.
I think the main factor for waiting is your T incision. There is a very small risk of that scar breaking open before labour starts, and it’s thought that that risk is increased by a short inter pregnancy interval. So I would strongly suggest taking your doctor’s advice on this one (and discuss again if need be) but do try to wait a year. I understand that age is a factor for you but you do still have time. People sometimes do find it helpful to have a time frame or goal in mind (eg waiting a year) and to spend that time working through the grief process, and getting yourself into a good frame of mind. Pregnancy after loss can be ultimately very healing, but very very stressful and overwhelming too.
I feel like I’ve gone on and on - but hopefully some of this is helpful. I’m sure you can tell I work in this area - but please don’t let my advice substitute for a good talk with doctors who know all the details, and obviously counselling services and support - I’m just trying to help a bit where I can.
I hope you are able to see some family and friends at this time as well - Covid is probably adding to the awfulness of this time too.