Best friends wedding

[mabel12345]

My best friend is getting married in our home country (over 1000 miles away) mid April this year and I am the maid of honour. Originally she supposed to get married in July 2020 but obviously had to reschedule because of coronavirus. The problem is I am now 20 weeks pregnant and in mid April I’ll be 33 (due 1st of June). She said that she wants to speak to me about it as it’s getting closer and closer and I have no idea what to tell her...obviously I would love to go, we have known each other for 15 years and I’d be gutted it I missed it but on the other hand I don’t feel comfortable driving with my partner for 20 hours as flight is not a consideration. What if I start having contractions somewhere on a German motorway half way there 😩 or contract coronavirus form one of the guests? My partner thinks that we should go and I can’t miss it but would it be a wise decision? And also would you feel bitter about your friend not coming to your wedding for that reason ?

I still think April is quite soon to be considering travel (covid reasons). I think anyone who has a wedding planned at the moment has to be understanding that plans are subject to change and at very short notice too. Especially for weddings that guests have to travel overseas for. You can fly at 33 weeks but understand you might have reasons for not wanting to. Bear in mind you can't have the vaccine either. Likelihood is that you won't go into labour that early but a long car journey at that stage of pregnancy won't be comfortable. You can break up the journey with overnight stops and frequent breaks but that will extend the length of the journey.

Personally, I probably wouldn't be going and I would expect a good friend to be understanding and compassionate.

She would probably be upset but not bitter, it's strange times now but has to understand your circumstance. I wouldn't go

She’ll likely be disappointed but anyone sensible would understand.

Thanks ! I guess I can’t commit to anything yet...I am leaning toward not going 😔

We have a hospitality business and have been given a heads up that it’s looking like may before things reopen (in the uk) so with that in mind I’d be inclined to not go. Of course she may be upset but a good friend would feel worse if you put yourself or baby at risk.

April is still a wee while away yet, but I would say not to go. Wee back story had a wedding in Italy 2018 at 28 weeks, great wee babymoon what can go wrong? went into premature labour as soon as I got off the plane 8 weeks in a foreign nicu and an air ambulance home. I know I'm the rare case and plenty of lady travel while pregnant but with the added covid I wouldn't take the risk.

If you do chose to go make sure ur holiday insurance covers anything pregnancy related

If your friend is asking to talk to you about it, she may well have realised you most likely won’t be able to go and she’s trying to check her numbers.

I’m not sure that everything is going to running smoothly in April for a wedding to take place and with covid I’m not sure I’d be travelling if I was pregnant.
Even without covid that’s a lot of time to spend in the car while so pregnant and I think it’ll be very uncomfortable. My best friend was due 2 weeks before my wedding so there was a high chance she wouldn’t make it but I understood and was just happy for her to be starting a family

My main concern, pregnant or not pregnant, would be which country it is and what do their restrictions look like.

I didn't go to my cousin's wedding back in August, he was getting married in his partner's country (Eastern Europe it that's relevant). One of my grandmothers lives there and I know how lax restrictions are. No one respects social distancing there, restaurants have no maximum capacity, and the wedding was going to be at a hotel which can't enforce any rules if they're hosting a private gathering

So I didn't want to go to a party where dozens of people would eat and dance on top of each other, wearing no masks. The bride also announced that her wedding photos were not to include anyone wearing a mask and that she wouldn't join the trend of those 'faking they care about their guests and believing Covid is real'.

Had the wedding been in Ireland, where my cousin is from, I would've probably gone. Because as a country, they actually do enforce mask wearing and other rules. Even though my cousin and his now wife are some of the biggest arseholes I've ever met.

20h drive isn't that long, you can spread it over 2-3 days, but won't you be quite uncomfortable by that stage of the pregnancy?

Are you sure you'd be able to cross all the borders with the car? Which ones require negative Covid tests and how long in advance would they need to be taken... it's just not as easy nowadays as loading a couple of suitcases and going for a road trip... 😞

Covid or no covid I wouldn't spend 20 hours in a car at 33 weeks pregnant

Unfortunately I would be telling her you can't attend. It's no ones fault covid has meant postponing and presumably she knew how far along you'd be in pregnancy when she re booked it for April

It is really unlikely that you will be able to go, OP. You just need to tell her now so that she can change her plans accordingly.

You cannot possibly be considering going. Things will be better in April but the virus won't be gone. There will still be travel restrictions in place; how many countries does the route pass through? Different countries will have vaccinated different proportions of their populations and will have varying measures in place as a result.

You need to tell her as soon as possible to give her as much notice as you can.

I was going to say 20 hours travel at 33 weeks pregnant is perfectly fine! You won’t be that big and the odds of going into labour are tiny. I would definitely go without a second thought. BUT the covid factor is a massive unknown and one you can’t realistically predict. Tbh it would be there even if you weren’t pregnant. April is a lifetime away in terms of rule changes and I’m not sure how anyone could be expected to commit to attend without having a clue what the rules will be.
Can you just be truthful? Say you’re really keen to go and will be there assuming it’s safe. Surely she can’t ask any more of you.

You are not going to be able to travel totally freely across multiple EU countries from the UK by mid-April.

I would be disappointed but not bitter. I would be pissed off though if you procrastinated over telling me and I ended up losing deposits or similar because you kept telling me what you thought I wanted to hear.

I would literally tell her exactly what you've written here. There is nothing unreasonable about what you've said and she should understand.

You may well have to quarantine there for 14 days on arrival ( no exceptions, even with multiple negative Covid tests on departure from uk and on arrival) - it is just not feasible. Look at the current travel restrictions for uk travellers going to Europe. They won’t be lifted anytime soon.

No one knows what the restrictions going to be like in April 🤷🏼‍♀️
I know you can fly until 36 weeks but I have a strong fear of flying and wouldn’t want to go through this stress plus obviously stress over COVID. The wedding will be in Poland so driving I’d need to cross France, Belgium and Germany 🥴

You don't know how big and uncomfortable you are going to be at 33 weeks - I struggled from around 18 weeks to do even car journeys of a couple of hours? Not to mention the amount of toilet break you'll need - honestly I couldn't go more than 90mins without needing one - you'll be totally miserable I guarantee you!

No-one knows for sure but at the very least you should make your plans based on the assumption that you will need to isolate at both ends of the journey, meaning that you would miss your 34 week midwife appointment.

I personally would not bother going anywhere like that at this gestation. Driving for so long may be very uncomfortable, roads are hazardous and weddings are rarely worth it. I don't care if it was my own wedding I still wouldn't go! It is totally possible to go in labor early in the third trimester, better be on the safe side.