I’m heavily pregnant and I do not want my baby. What are the chances I’ll feel different when it’s here?

[Seitanlove]

I fell pregnant by accident. I foolishly forgot to get my implant replaced. It was the middle of lockdown and I had a lot happening. I tried to get an abortion at 7 weeks but DH talked me out of it. I am due to have my baby in early March and I am so scared. I have mental health problems and my childhood was extremely traumatic. I don’t have any feelings of love for this baby and I am so sorry to feel this way. I just don’t want to do it. Should I start making arrangements for adoption, or should I wait and see how I feel when baby is here?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope you're not being hard on yourself for having these feelings.

First of all, in regards to adoption, this is your husband's baby, too. You simply can't just give away this baby without his input or agreement. He has the right to raise this child even if you should decide you don't want to.

Secondly, you definitely need to wait until the baby is born before you make any drastic decisions.

Third, I strongly suggest you find a therapist immediately. You need to talk through your emotions with a professional.

Unfortunately I don't have a lot of advice for you, but as a mental health therapist, have you ever had therapy for your childhood trauma?

I did not have childhood trauma but I do have pretty significant PTSD and anxiety from trauma I endured as an adult. I never wanted to have kids until I met my husband, and even then it took a while for me to say that I actually wanted to try. I have had a lot of therapy myself (Psychotherapy, CBT, EMDR) and I'm still working through my issues but they have improved immensely.

Have you been feeling this way throughout all of your pregnancy OP, or do you think it's last minute cold feet?

I'm not sure anyone can give you the specific answer of what you should do. I think I would (personally) hold off and wait to see how I felt when the baby arrived in case the bonding helped with the worries, but if you truly feel there is no love / space for a child in your life then there's no shame in looking into adoption.

I wish you the best of luck OP x

I'd contact social services to get a pre birth plan in place and discuss your options. It's not so easy to say 'well adoption is best', as nobody would ever suggest it's not. But you're in a really hard place currently and possibly need time to think your options through? I'm an adoptee who considered adoption briefly as an pregnant 18yr old. However, I opted into support networks and I'm now a very happy (young) grandmother who has never been limited in regards to anything in life. And my child has made their informed choices. I gained a degree whilst a very young mum, and Dd has qualified with 2 under 2's, so it is achievable. But everyone has to lead their own life and what's best.

Watching with interest. I'm newly pregnant with what we thought was a wanted and planned baby, but so far I'm loathing every second of pregnancy, feel no bond, and just do not want this baby. I'm hoping my feelings will change but am very scared they won't. Wondering how many women go through feelings like this then go on to love their kids?

Please tell your midwife how you are feeling. They can refer you to perinatal mental health support if you've not already been referred. Does your husband know you are having these thoughts?

I'm sorry you feel this way. There is every chance that you could feel differently towards your child when he/she arrives but you can't know that right now. Get some help for your childhood trauma (speak to HV about mental health support)
You can't get your child adopted if your husband would like to raise him or her - if you feel the same once the first few weeks have passed, your husband could raise your baby.