To not want to tell people

[Amy909]

Has anyone really not wanted to tell anyone they are pregnant? 14 weeks now but the first trimester was difficult as although baby is much wanted I was considering a termination for health reason. Feel like I really struggled with anxiety. Now the first trimester has passed in a haze of the other issues I don’t even really feel pregnant. Just seem unable to tell people, maybe the overriding feeling or guilt or just not ready. I don’t really want people asking me how it’s all going etc. Immediate family know -will friends be miffed I I keep it to myself ?

I was a bit like you.
Just felt weird telling my friends/colleagues, but did not know why.
It's a personal thing though. I am not a sharer by nature!
I was always delighted with the pregnancy and very happy just wanted to keep it to myself and close relatives.
Anyway, after 20w scan forced myself to tell people as otherwise i am sure they would have felt properly excluded or as if i didn't care about them...
It felt weird. Not going to lie. Some ask how it is going every now and then but most never ask. The only ones who actually care are the ones with kids already.

I didn't want to tell work because I knew it would cause trouble (it did) and I didn't want to have to cope with the nastiness for longer than necessary.

Being older, I suspected I would need an amnio and I didn't want to tell family or friends until I had a good result. People can surprise you with their unwanted opinions sometimes.

There are lots of reasons to want a bit of privacy.

I've felt like this with all my pregnancies. I had my first really young so was embarrassed to tell people, and my parents were embarrassed and they made sure I new it. I'm not sure whether it is because of that and having a feeling of shame, or because I just don't want to talk about it and want it to be my secret but I just hate telling people. Also, people expect you to be so happy and excited, but with all my pregnancies I have been really ill. So much so, I considered a termination with this one because I just didn't know how I could possibly go through it again, especially doing the job I do now.
Keep it quiet for along as you like. Who cares what anyone else thinks or says. Your body, your decision.

I can relate with that feeling though for different reasons.

The way I think of it is, it’s not a secret that can be kept forever. So if you’re going through with the pregnancy, people will know. So maybe better to treat it like a plaster and get it over and done with. It might also help if you open up a bit when you’re telling people and explain how you feel, that way they are less likely to ask probing questions about how excited you must be.

I’m reluctant to tell people because I have some friends who are experiencing fertility issues, and friends who are broody and want to settle down but are single. And friends who are high flyers who do not yet understand how I can take time out of work to have babies. Either way I’m afraid of negative energy and judgement.

Thanks everyone I’ve been feeling guilty also about not wanting to tell everyone as if it’s not happy news. It’s happy for for me now I’ve made progress with my health problems and stopped worried about needing a termination. I guess i just don’t really want all the congratulations or lots of questions. I think when I was having all these problems a month or so ago I realised I didn’t really have any close friends I could go to, or that even if I did they couldn’t help me with the weight of the problems. So seems a bit silly messaging to say now

@SunnySideUp2020 I know what you mean, I think I’m probably not a sharer by nature either. Would always wait to be asked I think before sharing news. I think underlying it is a thought why would anyone really be interested in me. My DM seems to think that people might feel weird that I didn’t tell them even though I’ve explained I just feel weird.

I felt like this too - I’m relieved to read I am not the only one! Although it was a very much planned pregnancy I just haven’t felt that happy or excited and I couldn’t bear the thought of telling family for them to be more excited than I was... similarly I didn’t want the constant questions about how it’s going. I’m 22 weeks now and only told my parents so far - DH is feeling the same and not yet told his parents. I am going to have to bite the bullet and tell work this week and I know they will all be happy for me and congratulate me but for some reason I am really dreading it 🤷‍♀️

At the end of the day it’s your news and completely up to you when you tell people. I found that I felt a little more comfortable after the 20 week scan as I was reassured that everything was going well.

🙏 yes! I just don’t like talking about it and I’m not a sharer. I’m 22w and only very few people know- parents /family don’t know yet.

It’s a 2nd baby, so not sure it’s that big a deal as if it was the first.

I didn’t tell anyone other than DH and the midwife till I was 18 or 19 weeks. It was a planned pregnancy, and I felt fine apart from sickness, I just didn’t feel like talking about it, and work was frantically busy. Close friends and colleagues (who overheard me being sick a lot) guessed, but respected my desire to not talk.

I feel like this!
I'm quite matter of fact and logistical by nature, so telling people for logistical reasons (family, work, midwife) was fine.
I've told people in conversation if there's a reason to know - pulling out of hobby stuff, a friend that's a midwife, someone guessed, work, etc.
But wider friends we're holding off as 'announcing it' or typing it in a message is weird- group or 1-1.

It's been a bit of a shock- and I'm still getting my head around the whole thing so I don't really want too many people knowing when I'm still getting my head around how I feel about it. (excited or terrified).

It's healthy, and I'm healthy, and DC is wanted - just...we were hoping for another year or so to settle into life a bit more (both OH and I have just got new jobs, buying a home, and then wanted to recover savings a bit before )

When bump emerges, and we get to 20w it might feel different I guess.
What's frustrating is our parents are DESPERATE to shout it from the rooftops, which is another thing we're getting our heads around.

I'd expected to be excited and shout it to anyone who would listen from day 1- I usually talk really freely about stuff, except when I'm processing it I guess.

I felt the same way. I still haven't told my family. Just two friends.

The funny thing is for me, it just isn't that interesting to me when other people are pregnant, so I can't see how it can be that interesting to others now it's my turn. I also remember how boring it was that whenever I spoke to a friend she would go on and on about her pregnancy symptoms etc and our other mum friend used to tell her to please talk about something else sometimes as it was even dull to her as a mum. I was struggling with infertility once when another friend used to talk about it non stop. So now, even after my MMC at 12 weeks last year I have absolutely nothing to moan about to anyone as am just so grateful to be pregnant still!

I'm not sure what conclusions to draw but I have declined all tests so think I'll just see how I feel after 20 week scan. Don't put pressure on yourself OP to feel or not feel anything I think.

I wouldn't feel weird about them wondering why you've not told them earlier. perfectly fine to say you had some health concerns that are now resolved, or say you were hoping to tell them in person but due to covid blah blah. I've never questioned why when I've found out about pregnancies at 20 weeks plus.

I hated telling people, made me so nervous being the centre of attention but it wasn't bad in reality. There's plenty of people who still don't know yet as I'm still a bit cautious about it all. Good luck

We are't telling people until 20 weeks - have told three friends and one person at work. It doesn't feel very real to me yet, and if I'm not close enough to any other family or friends to want to have to tell them if things go wrong. I think family will be upset (as will my husband) if I don't share if all is okay at 20 weeks. I'm thinking of this as an advantage of pregnancy in a pandemic - I don't think I would get away with hiding it otherwise.

Pregnant with my third child and I haven’t told anyone yet. Only told work at 20 weeks. In fact I was waiting until 25 weeks but because I started showing I told them. First child told everyone as soon as I got a positive test! Second child at 16 weeks.

I waited until quite late to tell people and there are still a lot of people that don't know at 27 weeks. I always feel a bit awkward about attention and announcements and would have not bothered at all and let people notice my bump when they see me but of course that's not happened! I told parents and very close friends at 12 weeks and other friends at 20 then just left it to all of them to spread it.

I had to tell work straight away so I told my boss the day after the positive test, a few colleagues knew as I needed their help.

We didn't tell family until 16-17 weeks and close friends at 20 weeks and other friends not until she was born.

Thanks so much everyone that makes me feel a lot less strange as I was worried I was quite abnormal not wanting to shout from the rooftops. This is actually my second and I can’t remember at all how I felt with my first or when I told people. I guess I feel guilty as this one seems to have had a much rougher start than my first and I was wondering if that was why I just didn’t really feel like talking about it. Feel guilty for not being as happy as with my first (purely due to my health complications) But sounds as though it’s perfectly normal and yes Covid is probably a good excuse!

I didn’t tell anyone who wasn’t very close to us about the second because he had a 5% chance of survival (was 100% fine in the end). I was on bed rest a lot so didn’t meet anyone.
Absolutely nobody has taken offence even though I offered no explanation for suddenly showing up with an additional baby.

Personally I quite like the idea of keeping it a secret for as long as possible! People don't need to know. And if it means you don't have to worry about unwanted questions or comments then it's a win-win!