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Original poster

1st timer asks the wise: tips on coping with sleep deprivation

27 replies

neuroticlady · 27/10/2007 11:29

I love my sleep. I'm cranky after just one bad night. I don't know how I will cope, going from a solid 8+ hours of sleep a night to not much at all! I know it will be a shock and I know you just have to get on with it, but it would really help me to prepare to hear of any tips you may have for how you coped. I've been told to sleep when the baby sleeps, which makes sense. Anything else...? Is it a truly awful feeling? Do you just get used to it? How do you function/think straight when you're totally knackered? And does your bub simply make up for the way you feel with zero sleep? I'm a bit of an old bird for a first time mum, too (39) so worried this will impact on how I'll cope. Help! Thanks

OP posts:
ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 27/10/2007 11:29

You just do.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 27/10/2007 11:30
Smile
LadyTophamHatt · 27/10/2007 11:33

She's right you know. You just do.

My firends used to say I could sleep on washing line bacuse I used to sleep so much but when you have a baby it changes, you just do it....

Sorry, not much help but its true.

CorpseBrideOfJohnCusack · 27/10/2007 11:35

Yes, you just do!
And practice makes perfect

crokky · 27/10/2007 11:35

yes, baby absolutely makes up for it. you do not need to "function" at first, all you need to do is feed/change baby and let DH/family do everything else - do not try to be superwoman, just enjoy your baby - also ignore anyone who pretends to be superwoman! i also liked my sleep prior to DC but found I was not too bad on minimal sleep - you'll adapt. put the baby in the bed with you in the day/at night and then (s)he knows that (s)he is close to you and you may both be able to sleep.

GreenGlassGoblin · 27/10/2007 11:36

I second (third?) that. DS is 20 months and still hasn't slept through, ever. And I go to work, lead my life, enjoy things. It was easy at first, then very hard (when I thought he was of an age where he should be sleeping through, and he wasn't and wouldn't), and now easy again. I co-sleep with him in the spare bed a lot, and enjoy what we have and try never to think 'but it should be different'. That way madness lies...
(and, of course, you may just get on that sleeps wonderfully!)

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 27/10/2007 11:37

When you have just one, you can nap if your baby is asleep.
If you're breastfeeding, you can feed lying down and doze off or at least rest.

DeathByPruners · 27/10/2007 11:37

Your body is kind of set up to manage this bit.
Anecdotally, my friends and I noticed we kind of stopped coping really well at about 4 months, but up to that point we were kind of OK. Then we found we were getting more down, borderline depressed, achy etc. Next time I'd try to be prepared somehow for that bit, which was scarier for me.
Honestly, evolution's amazing. You will manage.

Original poster
neuroticlady · 27/10/2007 11:53

Thanks for words of encouragement girls! Co-sleeping also seems to make a lot of sense. Still can't quite imagine how I'll cope but good to hear you just do... (with a little help from matchsticks, maybe) As if baby knows what I'm talking about here it has suddenly woken up and is giving me a good kicking!

OP posts:
ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 27/10/2007 11:54

Oddly enough, I was far worse after my children started sleeping through but woke up on odd occasions through illness. When it's all the time, your body copes with it.

Original poster
neuroticlady · 27/10/2007 11:59

DeathByPruners, what happened at 4 months...?

OP posts:
DeathByPruners · 27/10/2007 12:03

I don't know, nl
Looking back on it, a few friends and I all noticed we'd just really lost our mojos around then. It felt a bit like we'd been kept going by adrenaline or something, and had hit the wall. A bit of depression, maybe the cumulative effects of the sleep deprivation hitting us, maybe our partners had left us to cope a bit too readily, certainly something hormonal in that we felt like we'd been hit by a bus (I went to the dr because I hurt so much in my joints, turns out it's reasonably common).
I'm not sure. THis isn't very scientific, just me and four good friends talking and finding a common experience. I'm sure it's not universal.

PhantomHaunteDDeath · 27/10/2007 12:21

I don't have any friends with dcs but I recognise what Pruners has said. At 6m I feel I am coping again though.

But NeuroticLady I would really stress, that in the first few months, I couldn't do ANYTHING except take care of the baby, sleep, cook, and mumsnet. You cope sooooo much better if you've had a little nap when the baby does - around 4m I started to think, "right, got to get back to normal life" and started napping less, that might have been part of the problem. Naps are really, really, good for you - better than nearly anything else you can do in that time.

CrowOnTheCradle · 27/10/2007 12:33

Oh nap nap nap nap, fantastic. Me and dd cuddle up together in the middle of the day and I watch dinnerladies or Blackadder dvds or a film and we have a snooze, play, cuddle and relax.

I also co-sleep and baby is breastfed and just helps herself in the night. I am lucky though as dd never really cries or fusses at night, just wakes up, latches on and then falls straight back to sleep.

screamsprout · 27/10/2007 12:48

Revise your expectations about what your priorities are. Don't think, "ooh the baby is asleep, I'll just tidy up/hoover/wash up" etc. Just rest. A bit of mess won't make you feel as bad as chronic sleep deprivation. Get everyone else to help.

fortyplus · 27/10/2007 12:56

First baby... no problem at all... sleep when it sleeps and leave the housework. Also... don't be tempted to try to put baby to bed early. Even when he/she will sleep through, keep the little bgger up till about 11 so you can sleep in tune with your* body clock!

The problems start when number 2 comes along - I could never get baby and toddler to nap at the same times, so that was when I knew the meaning of the word knackered!

claraq · 28/10/2007 09:44

Oh no thanks fortyplus - this is what is worrying me.
I also second the thing about 4 months - I think it is just an accumulative affect of weeks and weeks and weeks of severe sleep deprivation. In the end it also co-incided with the point when we started seriously sleep training dd (at about 5 months) as I had to go back to work and couldn't cope on so little sleep.

NineUnlikelyTales · 28/10/2007 09:53

I think the way to cope is just to take what comes and don't try to fit to any particular timetable, like I should be doing X around the house by now, or baby should be sleeping X hours at a stretch by now. Don't read any books! You will cope because you have to and your body is designed to. I used to be foul on less than 8 hours a night, but 13 months of less than 2 hours at a stretch (or 40 minutes sometimes!) and I'm still alive and not very foul (I hope)

Original poster
neuroticlady · 28/10/2007 11:03

13 months of less than two hours at a stretch?

OP posts:
countryhousehotel · 28/10/2007 11:34

Discuss with your dp / dh before the baby arrives and come to some agreement around how you will manage things like lie-ins at weekends. My dd (now 15 months) was breastfed for 13 months so I did ALL the night feeds until they stopped at 6 months, but i carried on with a 11pm feed until over 8 months. When I was still feeding her at night, at weekends dp would take her after the first morning feed and let me go back to sleep until 10 or 11am when she would need the next feed. Sometimes, if she'd been up a lot at night, I'd go back to sleep after that feed too! I started going to bed as early as I could, some nights not long after dd had gone down (in bed at 8 or 8.30 to get some kip before the 11pm feed!). It might feel like you have no life but it doesn't go on for ever. I would rather have been well rested than have a social life at that stage, at least I felt better able to cope. Never could understand people who stay up half the night and then complain that they are tired!!!!! And depending on what you are doing (bottle or breast feeding) you may be able to get dp/dh to share the night feeds. Never worked for us (dd wouldn't do bottles, i hated expressing, so gave up trying) but I know others who successfully did that for the first few months.

Gemy · 28/10/2007 13:35

I agree with countryhousehotel. Discuss with your DH how you want to manage. But, don't try and cope on your own with no decent periods of sleep if you don't need to. My DD slept through on the day she was 12 weeks old and we followed the EASY plan (baby whisperer) but all the others are right, you will get to a stage where you just cope, like we did before DD started sleeping through.

No, it's not fun and you may look in the mirror and feel you've aged 10 years! But, it's just a tough time you have to get through.

colditz · 28/10/2007 13:54

You get used to it, you don't think straight, you just learn to compensate with lists, alarms and diaries, and yes, your baby does completely make up for it - as long as you don't get a shrieking banshee baby

ProfessorGrammaticus · 28/10/2007 14:05

All of these, really - go to bed early evening if you need to, nap if you can and (for me anyway!) snack! The other thing, I think is that you realise it is possible - which if you've never been an insomniac or worked shifts or whatever, you don't find out before your (second!) baby.

stressteddy · 28/10/2007 14:10

nap if you can
If you fancy something to eat at anytime, have it! Whatever that may be
Clarins beauty flash balm works wonders
Drink lots of water

best of luck and hope it all goes really well
By the way you do just cope somehow. Not sure how I'm typing really. My ds is 2.6 and is a rubbish sleeper!!
Ho hum - I keep telling dh we'll sleep when he leaves home
Love to you nl

mad4mybaby · 28/10/2007 14:15

Sorry to butt in... I had a really bad time with my baby when he was first born, he was very ill and i got very depressed. If you do struggle with sleep deprivation just remember that being a mummy is the most precious thing in the world and that no amount of sleep deprivation can take that feeling away. Some people have it lucky, baby sleeps/feeds 4 hourly, some (like me) hourly! No one can tell you how it will be as everyone is different, The time goes so quick so please dont get too stressed about it as they grow up so quick