Just found out I’m pregnant.

[portialovex]

Not sure if I’m in the right place but felt I needed to vent. I’m 4 days away from my 28th birthday and just got a positive pregnancy test.

I’ve been my boyfriend (35 years old) for 2 years and everything has been going mostly well until now. I told him I was pregnant a few days ago and initially he was shocked but very calm and nice. This morning we had an explosive argument. He woke up in a strop about the pregnancy. He doesn’t want the baby and wants me to have an abortion.

He has 2 children 13 and 11 from a previous relationship and he was a very hands on father and active in their lives until the first lockdown when their mum said he couldn’t see them so he’s angry about that and then the kids weren’t fussed to see him or not because “dad isn’t fun” he does text and call them almost every day but they’re not consistent with their response. I’ve never met his children as he doesn’t want to bring them round me because they didn’t like his previous girlfriend. He stopped paying in summer 2020 (bad decision) because he was mad at not seeing his kids and the mother went to CSA a few months later.

Anyways, as I said he doesn’t want baby, he told me it would damage the relationship with his kids and they probably definitely won’t even try and see them. He said it would make the mum of his other two mad at him because it will reduce her money. Anything else he’s trying to do to better his life will have to stop he said because of baby. He almost threw a bag of shopping at me this morning and he climbed on top of me to grab me up and shout in my face during our argument. He then picked up one of my kitchen knives and said he was going to Stab himself. I’ve never seen him switch like that before. I was terrified.

I just think he hasn’t thought of me at all and I’m sitting here feeling guilty if I have the baby. He said if I have the baby he would be there and support me because he wouldn’t turn his back on his children but he doesn’t want the child at all and I should keep that in my head.

I feel so lost and upset and don’t know what to do.

Base your decision on what YOU want to do.
Personally, I would keep the baby and ditch the twat.

Honestly after that behaviour I would say whatever you decide to do with the baby, the relationship is over. That is never acceptable behaviour and quite often what they say is a one off becomes more and more regular. It sounds to me like you want to keep the baby. It’s totally your decision don’t let someone else dictate what you do with your body, you’ll only regret it

I think first of all, your relationship with this man is over.

Keep that in mind- would you want to keep the baby?

A baby will tie you to him forever. It sounds as if he isn’t the sort of person who would leave you alone to make the choices you want etc

Get real life advice and support, OP. You’re in a very dangerous position and you need to put yourself first.

I’m so sorry but you need to leave him OP. Taking a knife and threatening to stab himself if you don’t have an abortion is highly abusive behaviour. He also does not sound like he would be a good father, he sounds extremely volatile and unstable.
Leave and find somewhere safe to stay ASAP. Once you have sorted that then think about what YOU want to do about the pregnancy. He can’t force you to have an abortion if you don’t want one but you would also need to prepare to raise the baby alone as it sounds like he can’t be relied upon.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's not uncommon for abuse to start in pregnancy. Please seek support in real life.

I think you should do what's best for yourself. Whether you have the baby or not I'll be having second thoughts about the relationship in regards to his reaction.

Also 2 years you've been together did you not discuss any future prospects? Being 28 I'm sure it's obvious you'd have wanted kids of your own at some point. Does he expect you to stay with him and never have kids ?

To be completely honest I would report him to the police because that’s abuse and it doesn’t matter whether that’s the first time or not. He cannot act like that.

Do you really want this man to be a dad to your child? He's violent, doesn't pay for the kids he has and they don't want to see him. I wouldn't bring a baby into the world with someone who is violent like he is, but that's your choice. You really need to leave him though, whether you keep the baby or not, please don't get trapped into staying with him and being abused. He's shown you who he is - believe him.

Ditch the boyfriend he's abusive and it won't get better then decide what you want to do about the baby as a single women.

Keep the baby if that’s what you want, but I definitely wouldn’t be keeping him.

He grabbed you!!! Threatened himself with a knife!!! I’m sorry but that’s not someone I would want in my life. What’s going to happen next time something in his life doesn’t go his way, is he going to grab you again, use threatening behaviour to get his own way, that’s no way to live.

Quiet frankly it makes me wonder why he and his ex split, was he violent/abusive/threatening to her, because you don’t just get to your mid thirties and just suddenly start exhibiting this sort of behaviour. It would be my guess that their relationship had similar issues, and the only reason you haven’t seen this until now is because he has managed to keep his mask on around you. Now that he’s not getting his own way his mask has slipped and your seeing the ugly truth the lies underneath. It’s easy for things to seem like everything is going ok, when everything between you was going his way....now that is not, this is what you’ve got.

Just in case you in any doubt, what he has done is unforgivable, there is no excuse for grabbing you, using a knife (even if he was only threatening to stab himself) as a threat. It’s a leaving offence clear and simple, some things deserve a second chance, but not this!!

Dump him keep the baby