When to try for number 2?

[SquigglyOne]

So DS is about to turn 1 and I’m thinking it might be time to start trying for baby number 2 - DH says it’s too soon. What do you guys think? And what age difference is there between your children?
Thanks!

You’ve got to do what’s right for you, I definitely didn’t feel ready to start thinking about baby number two then but my son is 2 in a couple of weeks and I’m 18 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. For me I needed to wait a little longer as I started a new job and timings weren’t great but I’d have liked to have started trying when he was about 18 months. If we were to have a third I think I’d leave a slightly bigger gap though (more for my sanity 😂).
What are your husbands reasons for thinking it’s too soon?

It depends really on how difficult you found to conceive your first? If you didn't have any issues and fell pregnant easily and quickly and your still the right side of 35 I'd say you have time on your hands to decide. If you are older, had problems etc best to start sooner rather than later

There is no right or wrong answer to this ! Agree depends on a few things including your age and Whether you had any difficulties conceiving last time. I wanted to leave 2 years between deliveries as I had a c section but also wanted a small age gap and ended up with an exact 2 year age gap between them. It’s definitely hard work while the toddler is still small when you’re heavily pregnant and when you’re recovering. I’d like to say that it gets easier but the little one is only 4 months so who knows ?! Good luck

@Humpty11 there’s a few reasons behind DHs thinking. We both found the new born phase really hard and I ended up with PND so I think he’s scared to go through that again. We both absolutely adore DS now and agree would like another. It’s funny cos we both agree that we want a small age gap but he’s reluctant to start trying 🙈

@ivfbeenbusy I was very lucky that I managed to fall pregnant easily however did have an early loss first time round - another reason for DH hesitation - he doesn’t want to experience the pain of miscarriage again (and neither do I obviously!) we’re both 30 so I guess time is on our side at the moment.

Agree there is no right or wrong answer. My daughter just turned one and there’s no way in hell I’d consider another one right now, my best friend just had a baby and when I saw her I’d completely forgot how brutal the first few weeks with a newborn is and there’s no way I’d cope with that whilst having one that climbs everything she can and that can’t yet communicate properly. I felt broody until I saw my friend and then I thought, nah not yet! Some people love a small age gap but for me, I’d prefer my daughter to be a little more independent and able to understand me. I think I’d consider trying again when she’s around 18 months/2 but even then the thought of a second scares me!

We always wanted around 3yrs gap - so DC 1 would be entitled to some free nursery provision when DC2 would be a baby. In the end DS was born 3 months before DD turned 3 as I had an earlier miscarriage. I'll admit the first year was brutal, not just the new born phase, as DD found the transition very hard but at least she understood what was happening & why & could talk to us.
There was no way I was ready at 1 or even two years! But it's up to you & your family & situation.

Sorry - 3 months before DD turned 4!

My first was born Oct 2017, had my second may 2019.. so fell pregnant when dd1 was 10 months old.. now currently 30 weeks pregnant with my third, due March.. so will be 22 months between second and third.. absolutely love the age gap, as hard as the baby stage was in my first, it was easier in my second as I was more aware of certain things.. they adore each other and play so well together!

See @ty1996 this is what I want! For my children to have a close relationship and I can’t help but think this will be easier the closer in age they are. Think it’s because there such a large age gap between myself and my brother - 8 years!

It depends on what you want.

I never wanted a close age gap, i didn't want to be at home with 2, and wanted time to step up in my career between maternity leaves. We are aiming for a 4 year age gap.

Don't forget, they may be close up till age of 10ish, butvonce secondary school hits they'll likely have different groups of friends.

My DP is 8 years younger than his brother and they are so clpse now in adulthood, thats what i qant for my kids

I have 4 years 11 months between DD and DS1 and 19 months between DS1 and DS2. I found out I was pregnant with DS2 on DS1s 1st birthday.

They all get along but DD and DS1 are the closest.

My DS is 10 months old and I'm pregnant with DC2 now but only 6 weeks. So 18 month gap!

There's no right or wrong is there, every family is different. There is no way I would wanted to start TTC when my DD was 1. I felt ready to try again by the time she was about 20 months but for financial/practical/medical reasons we had to wait unfortunately. We just started TTC about 3 months ago now and DD is now 30 months old. Really hoping we won't have to wait too much longer but I'm quite chill and realistic and appreciate it could easily be a year.

Everyone hopes that their children will be close to each other but age gaps are not a way to achieve this. Small gaps can mean close siblings, but they can also mean a lot of rivalry, competition and arguments.

You have to evaluate your own situation and there is no right answer. I have just under five years between my two and while this isn't for everyone it is right for us. You need to consider your physical and mental health; do not underestimate how hard two under two can be and if your postnatal mental health has previously been fragile then make sure that you have your support networks already in place. Finances are also a consideration, particularly the cost of childcare or the impact of any career break or reduced hours for either parent.

My daughter has just turned one and I'm 3 months pregnant with my second.

It might be challenging for a while but I wanted to get pregnancies and childcare costs out of the way so I can live my life again. I didn't want to go through the ordeal of getting my body back, having disposal income again, just to have to lose it all again.

That was just a priority for me, I didn't enjoy being pregnant.

I would also just add, how quickly you fell pregnant first time is no indication of how you'll do the second time. Took over a year to conceive DC1 - 2 cycles to conceive DC2.

We started trying when there was a minimum age gap we would be happy with (2.5 years) with me expecting a 3-3.5 year age gap... I'm so thankful we did wait rather than starting early expecting it to take a year as it happened a lot faster than we were expecting! DC1 will be 2y7m when DC2 is born.

I second the previous poster, don’t assume it will take the same amount of time to conceive second time round. We tried 1 month for DS and it’s taken 8 months to conceive number 2.

It sounds like you really want to start trying again, OP, and your partner too to some extent, but maybe need to wait for DH to process it properly and for him to be ready.. It’s a big decision to come to.

We took a while to decide to start TTC again- mainly as DH’s mental health suffered quite a lot when DS was born.

I wanted about a 2 year gap before I had my first 😂 then I didn't even know if I wanted another and if I did that it would be a bigger gap than 2 years. DS turns 3 next month and baby is due in April so it's worked out well. We did expect the gap to be much bigger seeing as it took 18 months the conceive DS but I fell pregnant first month this time.

It depends what you want. Do you want to have two ah home? I knew I wanted the time to give number 2 what I gave to my first - baby classes, one on one time at home etc so I can do that while DS is at nursery. Also really hoping to only have one in nappies but time will tell!

I waited 18 months between pregnancies because that's what they advise for the best shot at health for both mum and baby #2. Got pregnant immediately, do we've got a 27 month gap between ours. So far it's been quite nice, actually. DD is old enough to understand and talk to about the baby and she has found it tough but is a brilliant older sister. My sister and I are really close and had a 23 month gap.

If it helps though, some of the closest sibsets I know of have a 4 year gap and DH doesn't speak at all to his sister and their age gap is 13 months, so I'm not sure it makes much of a difference anyway.

I had an EMCS the first time around so was conscious to look at recommendations on time between pregnancies. I believe 18 months to 5 years is associated with best outcomes for mum and baby eg lowest risk of low birth weight etc. That’s between pregnancies, not births.

However, we had a woopsie baby- pregnant at 15 months pp and a 22 month age gap. It was too small, in my view, and I will not repeat my mistake. My almost-3yo can now play independently, which they couldn’t do when baby was born and that made life a lot harder. They’re great friends now, but I don’t think an extra 4-5 months would have affected that, but it would have had a big effect on my eldest’s abilities.

This is something I've been thinking about a lot recently. I want a second, but I am choosing to wait until 18 months before trying for another. A bit of me is worried, as I have PCOS, so it took 3 years and Clomid to get DD. Time is also against me since I'm turning 35 this year. But I know that 2 under 2 would break me, and it'll be nice for DD to be able to communicate and understand more.

Not too concerned about sibling age gaps. Of my 4 siblings, I am closest with DBro1 (4 year gap) and DSis2 (13 year gap). The sibling I in theory should be closest to (DSis1 - 2 year gap) is the sibling I was least closest with while growing up. We had polar opposite personalities, temperaments and interests. It wasn't until we were both adults we started getting along.

I agree with the idea that a just because siblings are close in age does not mean they will be closer than if they were several years apart.

There is 22 months between my DS and DD. It was tough when they were both in nappies, but now at 5(nearly 6) and four they are best friends and as they are so close in age they have similar interests and can entertain each other for reasonable periods of time.

@Clove76 you’ve summed it up perfectly I think. Even though I am really keen to start trying I wouldn’t ever put pressure on DH. I know how difficult the early days were for him and think he still needs time to process everything.
I just find it crazy how quickly I’ve got the broody feelings again 🙈 after DS’s birth I swore I wouldn’t be having any more 😂