Pregnancy anxiety

[Eamhair]

I posted on the antenal depression board about anxiety but had no replies so apologies for cross posting.

6 months ago,I fell pregnant and suffered from extreme anxiety and depression during it which led to me having an abortion in September. The abortion hit me a few months later and I had close to what was a breakdown and bitter regret.

I have just found out today I am pregnant and I am delighted and feel I have been given a 2nd chance. I am recieving support from my counsellor and have much better tools to help me to cope. However I can still feel old anxieties creeping in and have been tearful today.

I longed for this baby and do desperately want to keep it but I am scared my anxiety will take hold again and make me do something I regret. I am worried about how I will cope being a mum and the change to my life even though this is what I want and when I wasn't pregnant, I was torn up with the worry I couldn't have kids. I know how lucky I am and I do want a family.

However at the same time, I keep having obsessive worries about loss of freedom, worry the baby will have something wrong with them and I won't be able to cope and lack of support. My mum will be 68 and my MIL 61 when the baby is born and I am petrified they will be too old to help look after or something will happen to them and me and my partner will never get any time together. Even though I spent all my time when I wasn't pregnant in a state of depression about not having a family, I now seem to be worried about the loss of my life and that me and my partner will never get any time together or nights away.

I then swing to the opposite thinking I'll be 34 when the baby comes and then the baby will be an only child and I've left it too late to have another one.

I have a wonderfull counsellor who I see (well video call) weekly and I have done enough work now to know that these are just catastrophic thoughts and not reality however it still doesn't help me calm down. It was these sort of obsessive worries with a combination that led me to having an abortion and I am resolute in keeping this baby. However can anyone give me reassurance about how things turned out for them?

Hey. I had severe anxiety and OCD in my first pregnancy.
It was a very tough ride I’m not going to lie. But I made it ! I had fantastic support from NHS, a weekly appointment with my MH Midwife and Psychotherapist and a brilliant consultant.
I also have a very supportive family, including an amazing Mum who was there every step of the way.
So with these things I believe you can do it

I was discharged from the peri natal team when my daughter was a year old.

I’ve since gone on to have another child and am currently 13w with my third and no further experience of anxiety

Thank you and it's a relief to hear someone has got through it. I spoke to my GP yesterday who was fantastic and said at my midwife appointment they can refer me to the mental health team. It just feels like at times I'm the only one with these obsessive worries!

@Eamhair it can feel like that. As most people don’t speak about Mental Health problems. That’s brilliant your GP was supportive. Speak to your MW about your concerns and she will refer you. All the best x

You are not the only one by any means. I have different worries to you but no less obsessive!

It sounds like your counsellor is helping which is great - finding someone who works for you can be so tricky. One thing I have found is that my maternity team don't really know how to deal with my mental health concerns other than through a referral for counselling which isn't really necessary as I already have a counsellor! They can tend to think that's "job done". So what I am trying to do is work with my counsellor to figure out what support I need from the maternity team so I can be really clear about that with them. For example, I am incredibly worried about pregnancy loss and so need to focus on short term more positive milestones. Telling my midwife I needed to focus on just the next step stopped the conversations about where and how I wanted to give birth which I found overwhelming at the time. My counsellor helped me figure out how to communicate that and get what I needed from the MW. I also managed to negotiate some extra midwife appointments to hear baby's heartbeat. They were really open to this - it wasn't that they didn't want to help, they just weren't sure how.

I also wanted to say - 34 is not old! I started TTC at 33 and will be 37 on my due date so having an only child is a worry for me as well. Every now and then I have a read of some of the over 40 threads on here which can be really reassuring.

I think I remember your other thread, I suffer from really bad antenatal depression and have had a termination due to that, I'm now expecting my second child and felt exactly the same this time. I even made a few appointments to terminate but never went through with it. Like you I know it was my mind catastrophising and was able to recognise it this time.

It's great that you are seeing a counsellor, albeit digitally. I would say just allow yourself to feel how you feel, accept it's going to be part of your "journey" (hate that word haha) and take each day as it comes. I've found as the pregnancy has progressed I feel a lot less "panicked" and depressed like I did at the start. I think that is just down to acceptance of knowing that it's happening and knowing the sex which also helps me to feel it's an actual person.

Sorry I'm rambling now but all I mean to say is it's ok to feel how you feel, it will get better and it's ok not to enjoy pregnancy. I don't enjoy it and see it as something I just have to get through, I don't regret my first child so I'm sure I won't regret this one. It is ok to be honest with people about how your feeling too, it's your body and you're entitled to feel however you want. People expect me to be over the moon but I'm always very vocal about the fact that I don't like being pregnant and if that offends anyone then that's their problem and not mine.

Really hope you are ok and manage to get through this, it will get better I promise, and if it doesn't make sure you reach out to someone before making another decision under duress

Thank you all again. My counselling is helping and I find by writing things helps too.

I just keep having thoughts that grandparents are too old to help out or something will happen to them and I will be left with no support or have any opportunity for a break, night out, time away etc. I am very grateful to have been given a 2nd chance and I know it seems ridiculous to have these worries, but part of me feels my freedom and independence is over!

Hi original poster. I was wondering how you are now. I am about 6 weeks also and am suffering such bad anxiety. Having heart palpitations, shakey hands and just generally panicky. Its strange because I am not overly anxious about anything in particular. But this feeling is unbearable. This is my second baby. Hugs to you. Xx

I’m 27 weeks pregnant now, I too was like you when I first found out. My initial reaction was that I’m definitely keeping the baby. My partner agreed and we began to look forward to it. HOWEVER, what I didn’t show him was how bad it was making my anxiety. I was thinking of the most random stuff? Things like am I ready to move out and have my own family? (Even tho I was), am I ready to have someone reliant on me? What if I can’t be a good mum? Am I too young? What if my baby hates me? Will my friends still like me? I’d even answered these questions with my partner but I found myself crying about losing myself.

Fast forward to where I am now, I have my anxious days but the further you get into pregnancy, the positives seem to outweigh the negatives. The more you see your baby on scans, the way your body changes to grow a life, the feeling of them kicking. You actually start to feel less alone and more like you have a purpose. Yes I have my down days, my hormones are all over the place but I’m making a life and he needs me to be strong.

Counselling is great, they can help you so much if you’re honest and open about how you feel.

My parents will be 56 when baby is born and they still work but I know they’ll be there as much as they can. Believe it or not, people just seem to make things work and you will not be left abandoned without help. You’ve got this and the further you get, you’ll realise how beautiful pregnancy can be x