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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Wanting to try for 3rd baby-

20 replies

hann92 · 06/01/2021 11:25

I would love to try for our 3rd baby, but my partner doesn't seem to want too!

Feeling deflated about the whole situation, please tell me I'm not alone?

OP posts:
Stargazer2404 · 06/01/2021 13:40

You arent alone op, does your partner not want a 3rd child right now or is it that he doesnt want one at all? X

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 06/01/2021 14:02

You certainly aren't alone - this is a very common situation and there are frequent threads about it. I'm afraid I think that the partner who doesn't want a child has to have the casting vote, but they also need to take a significant share of the responsibility for contraception. You might need to have a conversation about what would happen in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. How old are your DC?

burntpinky · 06/01/2021 14:05

I want a third but my DH doesn’t at present and think he’s unlikely to change his mind. We have two healthy happy DC and I need to be grateful for that

ivfbeenbusy · 06/01/2021 14:42

My DH only ever wanted 2 and I always wanted at least 3 - deep down I knew he'd get it his own way as could hardly force him .....but then we needed IVF to conceive our second child and I'm now pregnant with twins so I got my way 🤣

Original poster
hann92 · 06/01/2021 14:42

Thanks so much for all the comments, it is reassuring to know I'm not on my own regarding this.

My two children are 6 and 7 years old and are healthy and well which I'm so greatful for.

It seems from the conversation I had with my OH yesterday regarding this that he doesn't want a baby anytime in the near future, I feel it's the right time and don't want there to be much more of a gap between my 2nd and 3rd child but at the sake time if my partner of 8 years doesn't want another I can't force this.

I'm not on any contraception and haven't been for a while, I have never found a contraceptive method that my body has got on with.

So surely there is already a risk for a potential pregnancy, even though he is using the 'pulling out' method.

Look forward to hearing from some if not all of you.

Many thanks x

OP posts:
JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 06/01/2021 14:54

Well, he's playing with fire then, isn't he? In your position I would want an assurance from him that he would support your choices if you became pregnant. If he isn't prepared to give you that then he needs to start wearing a condom or talk to his GP about a vasectomy.

Almost every week there is a thread on here from someone whose partner is pressuring them to terminate an unplanned pregnancy, and whilst I'm not suggesting that he would ever do this there is currently a pretty good chance from his risky behaviour that you could become pregnant and you need to know that you would have his support.

SearchingForToes · 06/01/2021 14:56

Currently pregnant with baby no. 2, I’d love more but had to fight for this one, so thinking it’s unlikely sadly!

Original poster
hann92 · 06/01/2021 15:10

Yeah my thoughts exactly.

You would have thought if he was that struck on not wanting a baby that he would wear a condom, but then again he knows I would get upset because I really want to try for our 3rd.

OP posts:
Original poster
hann92 · 06/01/2021 15:12

There is no way a termination would happen, I have a good family support network. My partner is such a good dad to our children and I have no doubt that he wouldn't be any different if we did have a 3rd but at the moment he's basically saying it's a no.

OP posts:
Yoshinori · 06/01/2021 15:16

This can’t end well.

As a couple you aren’t not using contraception but he doesn’t want a child.

A very old tale on mumsnet.

Women gets pregnant. Reveals her husband always said he never wanted any more children yet uses the pull out method. Husband doesn’t want the child. Queue separation, lack of contact, divorce, animosity, lack of support etc.

I expect I’ll see a post along those lines from you at some point in the next couple of years.

Start using contraception.

Original poster
hann92 · 06/01/2021 15:24

^ If you haven't got anything nice to say on my post, do not bother commenting at all.
I was asking for some reassurance!

OP posts:
Liverbird77 · 06/01/2021 16:10

I am in the same situation, op.
We have two, youngest is five months old.
I'd love to start trying for a third but my husband will not entertain it.
I am 43 so he thinks we are pushing it. I have to reluctantly agree!

Wherethereshope · 06/01/2021 16:24

It sounds like your hoping for a happy accident which isn't really where your partner is at with his view. Having a child together needs you both to be on board, I'm sure this happens a lot and must be disappointing but like pp said this could lead to a difficult time in your relationship. Maybe he needs to think about his decision to pull out and if he's happy for a baby as this is possible, then that's his choice.

KB13 · 06/01/2021 17:08

If it helps my husband was dead set against a third. Our other 2 are 8 and 6. We are now pregnant with our 3rd. Spending time at home as a family during lockdown plus a couple of new nieces and nephews helped him realise he did want another one Wink

Yoshinori · 06/01/2021 19:00

If you want people to support your decision to accept your husband not using contraception despite very clearly not wanting more children, good for you.

Not my problem.

Lemonpiano · 06/01/2021 19:06

I do think it's a fair observation that you're opening yourself up to a lot of unnecessary heartache here. I don't think it's unkind to voice that concern.

fastwigglylines · 06/01/2021 19:07

Oh, get off your high horses! I'm sure the OP and her DP are well aware withdrawal is a risk and that the OP has no plans to terminate. That's a risk they're choosing to take.

FWIW my ex and I used withdrawal for the best part of 7 years. Never had a pregnancy scare. The woman he ran off with was pregnant within 3 weeks of them being together and I later got pregnant at the drop of a hat with my current DP, so fertility wasn't an issue.

Withdrawal does work for some couples - and not for others. Of course there's no way of knowing which you are.

fastwigglylines · 06/01/2021 19:08

Sorry, that was aimed at those berating the OP for no good reason, not those kindly suggesting she thinks through talking to her DH or whatever.

Pluto98691 · 06/01/2021 19:12

I’m in the same boat op! I really want a third, my husband did for a bit, but then changed his mind :(. I wish he hadn’t done that as it really got my hopes up for a couple of months. I’m now just hoping he will change his mind back again to wanting a third! But we do have two healthy children which I’m so grateful for so I try to focus on that.

What do you think would happen if you did become pregnant accidentally now? If he knows there is no way you would have a termination yet he is not using contraception, do you think that deep down maybe he does want a third?

OhBollocksToIt · 06/01/2021 19:17

The pull out method can work if you’re charting your ovulation and avoiding certain days of the month. Not just using it as a method of contraception because you can’t be arsed to use a condom.

OP those type of threads are on here all the time, women left by husband or pressured into a termination because they didn’t infact want another baby but weren’t prepared to put something on the end of it. It happens. If he doesn’t want a third child he needs some proper form of contraception. Not just winging it which is what you’re currently doing.

Also you can’t make someone want another baby, have you actually discussed what his worries are?

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