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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Baby Shower- Conflicted, and maybe a little vent

14 replies

Kiyentai · 05/01/2021 22:43

Hey all,

So at the end of the month, I am having a "social distancing" baby shower. It will be hosted on google meets so that I can see a lot of people and not have to worry about the whole COVID situation. However, I am very conflicted as my MIL and her sister, my Husbands Aunt, wants to come visit and be a part of it in person. My MIL had COVID at the end of November, which stumped them from coming to visit for Christmas. My husband's Aunt and her family.. had COVID in December. My husband is confident that there is a period after getting COVID (he says about 3-6 months) where you should be pretty safe after having it.. and not catching it again. Since MIL and FIL had it..they did quarentine, for a while but then they started going out and being social again because they "wanted to live their life".. at least from what I have heard. According to them, all of their friends had it too! Last couple times we spoke to them over the phone, they were out to dinner or something etc. My husband is also confident his mom CAN do a 2 week quaretine before coming up here.. but then they have to make the drive to come up, which is about 5-6 hours, that's if traffic is not bad.

I am conflicted. Because right now me and the baby comes first. Can she quarentine? Yes. The fact that she had it and is still being social really bugs me. My husband thinks all will be okay. Then our son is due in March.. same thing for her coming to see the baby. Would it be safe?

Granted he says he supports my decision, but then he says, "Well technically by that logic you shouldn't even be going to the grocery store. And you should be more careful when going to the barn to see your horse.." Which I am ALWAYS careful and if you have horses, you know that we evented social distancing before social distancing was a thing.. horses can kick one another you know, you normally keep a safe distance anyway for safety reasons. But anyway.. and since his parents didn't come out for Christmas we also have not been out to eat in over a month because he feels if his parents can't come out then we need to be more careful ourselves.. which.. I don't feel is really right considering -we- can control our own environment to a point.

Oh and then his MIL offered to send a cake and decorations in lieu of her coming it.. its like..so I'm going to decorate for my own party and be by myself? Which made me feel sad. And who is going to eat the cake.. me, by myself? (Mind you I don't get to eat a lot of sweets because it doesn't agree with the baby. I have not had actual ice cream in 7 months.)

So this is why I'm conflicted.. husband says its safe, I don't think it is. I know I am the pregnant wife and what I say basically goes but I am upset that he is trying to tell me I shouldn't be going to the darn grocery store(which ain't going to happen)..I feel like I'm being punished for being careful. Anyone else going through this?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Squeejit · 05/01/2021 22:46

Assuming you’re in the Uk, it’s not only unsafe, it’s illegal. So no, stick to your guns.

physicskate · 05/01/2021 22:51

Same as pp - stick to your guns. It's not legal (nor wise). But blame Bojo if you need to save face.

Kiyentai · 05/01/2021 22:55

I'm not in the UK, I'm in the US ;)

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Palavah · 05/01/2021 23:01

TBH it wont work as a zoom/skype if you have a mix between a group of people in the room with you and then other guests on the end of a screen.

If you're not comfortable with them coming, then tell your husband that.

Kiyentai · 06/01/2021 00:08

Apparently I did not specify? Please read the details..;)

This is a VIRTUAL baby shower.. 2 people want to come visit in person, they do not live in the same state as me. Its not a huge crowd.. everyone will be online. I have talked to my husband about it.. he's feels like it will be okay and his mom and aunt (the two people wanting to come) is going to be safe. I don't feel comfortable and now he's saying with my logic I shouldn't even be able to go to the storeHmm which it ain't happening. I'm just a bit conflicted about it.

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Inkpaperstars · 06/01/2021 01:48

I don’t think we know yet what immunity people have after catching covid, but we certainly don’t yet know whether, even if they are immune, they could carry or spread the virus to others.

It’s besides the point really. The trip is not in any way essential, and you aren’t comfortable with it. That should be the end of it. I have taken the approach throughout this that no matter what any of us think is or isn’t safe, we shouldn’t pressure anyone else into something they aren’t comfortable with.

PFin · 06/01/2021 01:53

Talking from experience you CAN get COVID twice in a short time. I tested positive on the 28th October and again this week. If you do not feel comfortable do not risk it!!!

Kinsters · 06/01/2021 03:17

Have your in-laws had a negative test since catching it?

PlanBea · 06/01/2021 09:04

Ignoring the covid element, when some guests are in the room and some guests are over video call it just doesn't work. The room has conversations the video call doesn't pick up, it will be harder for your guests to see you with three crammed into a screen, and you may end up with some hurt feelings ("why are they invited to visit and I'm not?"). I've had enough work conference calls with mixed attendance over the years to know it just makes it more unpleasant for everyone. On that basis alone I'd say no.

dementedpixie · 06/01/2021 09:10

@PFin

Talking from experience you CAN get COVID twice in a short time. I tested positive on the 28th October and again this week. If you do not feel comfortable do not risk it!!!
You can test positive within 90 days of your first positive test without it being a new infection. The test can pick up fragments of the virus and give a positive test even if not contagious
SunnySideUp2020 · 06/01/2021 10:00

How far along are you OP?

Agree with @Inkpaperstars
It doesn't sound like the in laws are concerned or cautious and you are not sure about it yourself AND they live far. So here is your answer!
Also pretty sure your husband is wrong. And what does 3 to 6 months even mean? is it 3 or is it 6? ...
As for not eating out, you said last time you spoke to them they were at the restaurant. So why can't you go? I don't understand.
For the sweets and cake you could bake some savoury treats instead?

It sounds like you are being pressured to either accept the visits and admit you are risking it or just shield completely?
Surely there is a middle ground where you can go to the grocery store wearing masks and using hand sanitizer regularly but not have 2 outside people who had covid be with you in your living room?
I live like this and we are fine. Just like most pregnant women.

Terracottasaur · 06/01/2021 11:06

No, you would be mad to risk your and your baby’s health to accommodate this. So absolutely not worth it. Stick to your guns.

Palavah · 06/01/2021 12:58

@Kiyentai

Apparently I did not specify? Please read the details..;)

This is a VIRTUAL baby shower.. 2 people want to come visit in person, they do not live in the same state as me. Its not a huge crowd.. everyone will be online. I have talked to my husband about it.. he's feels like it will be okay and his mom and aunt (the two people wanting to come) is going to be safe. I don't feel comfortable and now he's saying with my logic I shouldn't even be able to go to the storeHmm which it ain't happening. I'm just a bit conflicted about it.

Yes, I read the whole thing. 3 in the room will be annoying.

If you dont want to do it then just tell your husband you dont want to do it.

Kiyentai · 06/01/2021 19:06

@SunnySideUp2020

How far along are you OP?

Agree with @Inkpaperstars
It doesn't sound like the in laws are concerned or cautious and you are not sure about it yourself AND they live far. So here is your answer!
Also pretty sure your husband is wrong. And what does 3 to 6 months even mean? is it 3 or is it 6? ...
As for not eating out, you said last time you spoke to them they were at the restaurant. So why can't you go? I don't understand.
For the sweets and cake you could bake some savoury treats instead?

It sounds like you are being pressured to either accept the visits and admit you are risking it or just shield completely?
Surely there is a middle ground where you can go to the grocery store wearing masks and using hand sanitizer regularly but not have 2 outside people who had covid be with you in your living room?
I live like this and we are fine. Just like most pregnant women.

I am currently 30 weeks and 3 days, I will be just shy of 34 weeks the day of the baby shower.

Kinster, My In laws have not been tested to my knowledge, since they got COVID.

SunnySide, you make some pretty good points there especially about the eating out part. I know they have been being social and hanging out with their friends.. you know, the friends that had COVID too because they said everyone they knew got it. And I don't like the fact that they are being so non chalante about being around other people. During Christmas they had my Brother in Law come up to visit.. and he lives in a Las Vegas.

I'm not sure about baking some savoury treats.. it would literally just be for me.

PlanBea, I didn't even think of that. We are a military family and we recently moved to our current station, so a lot of the people I invited are not here.. they are in other states as well.

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