Missing out on the “fun” experiences due to lockdown

[Ellie2812]

Does anyone else feel like they’re missing out on some of the things they were looking forward to doing when pregnant?
I’m pregnant with our much longed-for first child (due in April) and, while TTC, I used to dream about the day where we could go shopping for nursery furniture, baby clothes, meet up with friends who are also pregnant/have children and now it looks like that’s not going to happen.
We live in an area that has been under lockdown since September (with only a few weeks where shops/restaurants re-opened, before closing again).

I’m aware I sound ridiculous and I am obviously incredibly fortunate to be having a healthy pregnancy; however I can’t shake this FOMO 😂 Anyone else feel the same or do I need to just get a grip?

My daughter had her first baby in November. She missed out on having her partner at any scans... she had no baby shower... no leaving party from her job... no hospital visitors... no real visitors after the birth. You are right to feel you are missing out because you are. But tbh now she had her baby i don't think she really thinks twice about it anymore. Hopefully it will be the same for you. Just stay safe x

With my first it was great to get out and do all these things. Everything big'ish needed for baby i.e. pram, cot, furniture etc was a whole thing day out with partner, lunch with mum before pram browsing, lunch with the girls before picking out a cute coming home outfit not to mention baby shower and wee catch up baby lunches since socialising over drinks is a no go. And tbh i'd say yes you are missing out which is sad. But what i would this time round with my 2nd im not really missing doing it. I dont know whether its cause ive done it or im just used to being stuck in now i dunno but its defo not the be all and end all. Ive contracted covid twice now pregnant too so im just trying to stay safe and healthy now! Hopefully come the end you might get a month or a few weeks to do these things. I hope you do! Good luck sending you love!

I had my 12 week scan last March and the following week we went into lockdown and I had the same experience as you. SD that I couldn't test out prams, some relatives I never saw the whole time I was pregnant. I spent 5 days in hospital after birth where I was mainly alone, even though I had a cat 1 c-section, was bed bound and nearly died. Gave birth in a mask. My dd is 16 weeks old now and honestly? I don't even think of it. It was disappointing at the time but I got used to it. You just don't have the time to sit and reflect on these things.

I feel a little sad we won't get a "babymoon" I don't even want an exotic beach trip, just a night at a spa. Also haven't got to take advantage of our last months of freedom with restaurant visits, the theatre, days out etc.
We did a John Lewis nursery service trip last weekend, where someone shows you around and gives advice and compiles a list for you. It was really nice to go and do something! Obviously not possible now but I think they do them virtually as well so that might be an option as feels a bit more special than just browsing websites

@Ellie2812 totally agree! I'm pregnant with my fist (so far succesful) and what was supposed to be a great experience turned a bit difficult due to all the Covid related restrictions. For me it's mostly about not being able to see my friends and family. My husband and I moved out of Edinburgh where I used to live for many years, and because of the restrictions and working from home I haven't seen most of my friends since the start of the lockdown in March and it's been a very lonely pregnancy for me, with only husband and 1 friend who lives nearby.
I'm absolutely devastated that my mum can't be with me for the delivery as she's outside UK and I wouldn't risk having her or my dad flying over till the number of cases in under control... so yes, I know there are people out there who have it much worse, but I can't help feeling like missing out here.

I think there are moments for counting your blessings (you're having your much-wanted baby, you're currently safe and well) but also it's fine to acknowledge that it's not what we were expecting or what we daydreamed about. I'm due in May with my first, after years of TTC. Little things like going to shop for baby grows with my mum, or showing my bump off to friends around an afternoon tea, aren't going to happen. Bigger things too, like whether DH can join me for scans/appointments/full labour have meant months of stressing that wouldn't have happened if we had got pregnant when we planned to.

Would I rather be pregnant and not in a pandemic? Definitely. But I'd also rather be pregnant in a pandemic than not pregnant at all (and still in a pandemic). It's just a bit different and it's ok to admit it's a bit lonely in what has usually been a more social, exciting time.

It’s really sad and I can understand your feelings. The person missing out is you however, not your child. The bright side is that by the time your child is old enough to talk, this will be all over and he or she can enjoy all life has to offer. My kids have had all the fun stuff stripped out of school and after school including meeting friends and every hobby they love, special rights of passage including nativities and end of school residentials, and of course exams affecting their futures.
If I had to choose, I would choose myself missing out rather than my children.

Think of it as an advantage - apart from a few newborn basics most baby related paraphernalia are not needed until later, in fact not at all. Waiting to see what you actually are going to use in a nursery will save you £££. The basics are easily ordered online and are sold in larger supermarkets

It's ok to be sad about it. I certainly never expected the whole of my experience of pregnancy to be during covid and there are a lot of things that feel lacking (despite obviously being lucky enough to still be healthy and have my job). It can feel selfish to be upset about them when the rest of the world is also having a shit time, but it's not really. The problem is there's no one on the "outside" of this to vent to and get sympathy from - everyone is going through the covid shit to varying degrees, so you don't really feel you can complain. I have had a quiet cry with my partner about not getting to go to NCT sessions in person or go shopping for baby gear. There's no shame in it.

One thing I am holding onto is that things are going to improve as these babies get older. In future this will be a story we tell them about how they were born in the years of the pandemic and what that was like. In the meantime I do still like being pregnant - it's something I wanted for so long - and I'm trying not to wish the time away even though it is still hard.

I understand how you feel OP. Try and keep positive.

Whilst I understand, it's a much better position to be in than having a baby during lockdown, or a toddler during lockdown. My youngest is 21m, and spent her first birthday in lockdown, and may well spend her second birthday in lockdown too. She has barely spent any time with other children, much of her family. There are groups we wanted to go to that she's now too old for. She's not been to any playgroups since she was so small she wouldn't appreciate them.

But in some ways I'm luckier than those who had babies last year, some of which have never even met grandparents.

The frustration you have now will be dwarfed by the joy you are likely to have in being able to share your baby with your family and friends.

I had a brilliant pregnancy but we locked down when my DS was 6 weeks old. I’d much rather have had a locked down pregnancy and a normal mat leave, which you may end up with (here’s hoping!) than a normal pregnancy and a locked down mat leave. I realise that probably doesn’t help at all, but I really do hope things go back to normal and you can enjoy all the experiences of being a new mum.

Nope. I accidentally fell pregnant with my third not long after I went back to work after the first lockdown, and honestly have been so relieved there is no expectation to get put and do things while pregnant, but then I've had a terrible pregnancy with HG, back ache from the very beginning, insomnia (I always have bad pregnancies). I am pissed off that it looks like my whole maternity leave (which won't be long anyway because self employed) will probably be spent in the house, when I was really looking forward to being able to get out and about again, go to shops, eat whatever I wanted without vomiting or heartburn. Its going to be a boring few months.

I didn't feel like I had missed out on trapsing round shops to look at baby stuff either. Much easier to compare things online and order them to the door, and you usually end up with a better deal aswell.

I just wish I could see my Mum and give her a hug. Not seen her since February and it’s looking like we won’t be able to until after the baby is here. Obviously I’d much rather be under lockdown whilst pregnant than with a newborn (and I’m over the moon at being pregnant finally after 5 years of trying) but it does make me feel sad not to be able share this with her at all

I feel the same. Glad it's not just me! I'm one of the last ones out of my friends to have a baby and I'm not so fussed about not having a baby shower and not being able to traipse around the shops (but would have liked to buy a pram in person rather than online) and also I was sort of dreading a huge influx of visitors after the birth when I'm all sleep deprived.

But it's more the fact that I'm due in 2 months and none of my friends or family have seen me pregnant, we moved to a new area and I'm not able to make friends through ante natal classes, can't enjoy the last month's of freedom with lunches with friends or date nights with hubby, no babymoon, no fuss made over me when I've made a fuss over all my friends when they were pregnant (I realise how awful I sound!). So completely understand how u feel. Feel very lucky to be able to relax etc and people are far worse off but agree it feels like we've been robbed of the first pregnancy experience. I will literally cry if mat leave is the same as this.

I sort of feel the opposite. Being pregnant limits what you can do in terms of different activities, so in a way, it's a good time as many places are closed so there's not much to do. Not that I'm enjoying lockdown, obviously wish it wasn't happening.

I didn't do those things when pregnant. We were given a lot of the bigger things from family who had recently used them. The only thing we did do was go to John Lewis and try out a pram but I'm not sure that was anything particularly exciting.

I think what is hopefully going to be better for you, is things reopening when you're on maternity leave. I really feel for those currently on maternity leave with only cold parks to go to (you get enough of that once your child is a toddler as it is).

Fingers crossed that things start to resemble normality by the time baby is here.

Totally feel same way. I know I'm incredibly lucky to be having a (so far, touch wood!) healthy uneventful pregnancy, and I honestly am so grateful for that. But I still feel a little sad - not so much about shops etc - just mainly that I've not been able to share this pregnancy with my mum properly (my brother has kids, but I think it must be a different more involved experience when your daughter is pregnant). I've really barely seen her at all and I resent the lost time particularly this late in pregnancy. Am sad about not having seen friends at all during this pregnancy (most live far away) and that once baby is here it'll be totally different spending time with them. And lastly a bit sad about this free time with my husband that I can't get back. Would love to be having the occasional meal out, going to cinema etc. Stuff that is about to get really tricky if not impossible for a while...
I know I chose to get pregnant during a pandemic. But I honestly didn't ever believe we'd still be in this mess a year later. So I think its totally understandable to feel like you do - and I 100% sympathise. We can be happy and excited, but also acknowledge that we are definitely missing out on some stuff...

I don't really feel like this but then this is my second - I'm sure I'd have felt quite differently with my second child. What I would say is to be careful not to assume that all would have been ideal and rosy under 'normal' circumstances. I have a lot of sympathy for women and especially first-time mothers experiencing pregnancy and maternity leave under lockdown, but I have noticed that a lot seem to think it would have been one long fantastic holiday 'normally', and that wasn't how anyone I knew experienced it, or how I did in my first pregnancy/mat leave. I think it is harder now, but comparing it to a fantasy is always going to set you up to feel really resentful and sad.

@Chanel05 we used to be on a few TTC threads together way back when, I had a baby in December 2019. (I've name changed a bunch of times since). Really pleased to see you got your bfp and baby is here safe and well. But also horrified to hear you nearly died!!!!!! Much love.

OP, I really feel for you. I feel like my daughter's whole first year has been stolen from me.

@Hardbackwriter this is what I often think about. I’m only early days pregnant but have been suffering very badly with sickness since before I missed my first period. If I had to go to the office daily I’d have been signed off without a doubt, which would have impacted me financially. The fact I’m wfh means I can log in later, do my work around the sickness, not worry about commuting (wow the tube and morning sickness would have been hell!). I can have a quick nap at lunch etc

So whilst I’m sad my husband can’t come to scans and things, I’m happy that I’ve been able to lock myself a way while I feel crap!

Anyway that’s me trying to find the positives but it’s entirely justified to feel like you’re missing out. Let’s hope the vaccines allow us to get back to some normality!

I'm 5 weeks and feeling okay about potentially missing out on stuff. Our BFP was a long time coming. It took us 2 years. We've had failed IVF and were just gearing up for a FET when it happened. I think because of this I'm incredibly grateful just to be pregnant, I don't care that I'll miss out on stuff because this is something I felt was impossible. I think infertility in lockdown will be harder than pregnancy as at least with pregnancy you have optimism for better days.

I'm kind of OK with not being able to do the shopping etc. but the thing that I'm really worried about is the antenatal classes - we just moved to a completely new area, and I work long hours, so even without Covid I would have been largely relying on antenatal classes to meet new people so I wasn't isolated during maternity leave. I'm so nervous they'll all be zoom classes - based on my due date, I would do classes in May, so I'm desperately keeping my fingers crossed they'll be back in person.

I agree with others who say they'd rather have locked down pregnancy than maternity leave too - not being able to go to baby classes or coffees with other mums and show off baby to relatives and friends must be much harder.

But it's fine to feel like we're missing out. Because we are. I so so want to show off my bump to everyone at weddings this summer, but doubt those will happen either unless very tiny and then I'd probably be uninvited as none are close relatives.

I agree with this so much. This is our first baby and we had to tell most of our close friends and family over the phone which was so sad, we were looking forward to a first shopping trip getting our head around baby stuff which can't really happen now and even just the fact that people aren't as involved in the pregnancy as they normally would be. I haven't got to hang out with friends as the bump progresses so it is hard to have the support when its only over the phone.
I feel like I will basically have gone from finding out to the baby being born and have had the whole experience alone with just my partner. Then there is the stress of what hospitals/restrictions are going to look like when the baby is due!
It's all a bit shit, and I hate when people immediately leap to 'X,Y,Z is worse'. Someone always has it worse, doesn't make it any less shit right now.