I can't do it!!

[Zola78]

I am sat here in floods of tears. Tonight was awful with the boys. They are nearly 3 and nearly 18 months respectively. I am 29 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby. I wanted (or rather Dh and I) a large family and to have them close together so they could be close and well so I could be finished with the baby stage quicker and could see my family as it is rather than what it was going to be. But anyway bedtime tonight was loads of shouting and tears and silences etc. I just fear I'm not coping and thus will not cope with third one.

My Dh is away alot with work (in Amsterdam as I type) but even when he is here he's no great help. I think I'm just grateful for the company rather than the input he provides. He thinks I'm doing really well but I feel like I'm sinking. I think that it's just been a bad week. Just a rant but it's times like these you need a really big hug and a dessert neither of which are available right now.

Hey, Zola! Make sure DH/DP does his share of bedtimes when he gets back. It's not easy on your own (I have 2 under 5 and my DH has been away for a week) but you are pregnant too. Get yourslf to bed and you will feel better in the morning. Take care. xx

Oh heck. That is a difficult age gap - at those ages. My two DSs are exactly 2 years apart, and when they were 1 and 3 I came close to leaving home several times (let alone being pregnant as well). Now, they are nearly 5 and nearly 3, and are mostly a joy to be around.

You need to get some rest. Any family or good friends nearby who can give you some time off?

so sorry you feeling that, you will get through this and when you kids are older you can go round to thier house and torment them .
Sending you big hug, try and do yourself some pampering and get an early night. Hope you feel better tomorrow

Just wanted to send you a hug and ask how youre feeling today? Im 31 weeks pregnant with no kids and finding it tough enough sometimes...so think you deserve a medal xx

Zola I know exactly what you are going through with this, I have 4 DC now (and no plans for any more!) but I felt like this when i was pg with no3 more than any of the others, my DP also works long hours and is away regularly so i do the main bulk of it on my own. Although my DC's age gaps are not quite as close as yours are so they do help eldest is 9, youngest is 1!

As I have always done most of it on my own it never really bothered me, but more children mean more hands are needed! Your DH sounds like he could be a pretty reasonable man (hope i've got that right ) as mine is, and what i did was have a really big chat with him about what i needed him to do when he was at home - I didn't put unreasonable demands on him to be doing this and that just the basics like reading to the DC, helping them with their homework, taking them to the park for an hour so i could catch up on housework that type of thing. My DP never realised that I needed or wanted this type of help until I really sat him down and spelt it out to him [duh ] but it has helped and he now knows what i need him to do when he is around.

I know that may not help when he is away but at least you have mn for that!

Your DH is right though you are doing a fab job! and you will be fine and you will cope marvelously

As a first timer who likes to feel sorry for herself, joining with Beller in sending you an enormous medal. I have masses of respect for you. Anyone else around you can call on?- I have found friends and family sometimes slow to offer help but very fast to say yes when asked directly!

Poor you Zola that sounds tough. It's the emotional roller coaster of young children that's so exhausting. My dh works away from home most weeks Tues to Fri but I've only got one dd. Can you talk to him about how you're feelign and how you need a bit of extra support towards the end of your pregnancy (and beyond). Can he give you a break this weekend? Hope you feel better soon.

This is a really hard business sometimes. I feel the same today (am about to go from one to two, so a mere amateur!).
Please talk to your dh and see if there is any other help you can get (a cleaner? some nursery sessions?). There are no medals, you just have to do what you can.

And remember the healing powers of chocolate

I agree that men need things spelling out to them!

Personally I think the small baby stage is easier than the third-trimester stage. Everything is just physically such hard work at the end of pg. I really really don't think "not coping now" equates to "won't cope when its born".

Zola i have heard people on here mention a place you can get help from with children under 5 is it 'homestart' or something?? i'm not sure but I know people on here have used it, I believe its something set up to give help to those who have X amount of children under 5 they come to your home and help/give you a break - maybe it would be worth looking into if you DH is away a lot!

Sorry to be a bit vague about it but I can't remember the name of it or exactly what they do but I know they can help!

Oh Zola I'm also 30 weeks pregnant with my third my other two are 4 and 23 months and I do know where you are coming from. This week has been hell for me as dd has had half term and the two of them at the ages they are and me as pregnant as I am (not to mention having a kitchen fitted at the same time) are not a good combination. You say your dd is nearly 3 that means she'll be at pre school in no time which lightens your load for half a day every day and reception comes round all too fast which helps even more.

I agree with the others on having a chat with your dh and making sure he does his fair share when he is home. Someone told me the other day it's much harder being pregnant with your third than it actually is once they are born and atm I can believe that.

It's so funny because I know I need to talk to him (DH) but feel unable to not because he is unreasonable but because I know that he works really hard when he is at work and is tired when he gets home. I'm struggling with the balance I guess.

I have had a better day to day but I know I have got to be careful as today might have been a good day but who knows about the next 3 or 4 days.

Loopymumsy I'm glad to see that I'm not the only person out there deciding to have children so close together!!!!!

Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. It's really helped. So often I'm defending my decision to have my children close together that I don't feel able to discuss having a bad day or feeling overwhelmed and scared with even my friends and family. I'm always scared of their reaction of I told you so etc. But thanks everyone

Zola I think you are really very brave to have your children so close together , are you a sahm?

hang on in there
the great adv of having them close together is that they will amuse each other soon enough, leaving you free to mumsnet much more
can you get a bit of practical help around the house from elsewhere? homestart? a local teenager to help out around bed/bath time? don't be too proud to ask. i know just what you are saying about the reaction from friends/family that puts you off asking but more than likely you will find everyone is really supportive, just waiting to be asked kind of thing. most women can remember how hard it is being pregnant some days an would be happy to help out, even if it's a 'swop' so they take the kids for an hour or two play at their house and you do the same one day mayb after the baby when things are more settled