scared that won't cope with second baby

[ac27]

Well, I'm pregnant with my second baby. Although not planned, my husband and I were both ecstatic when we found out.

And although of course I continue to be thrilled at the thought of this new little person, I'm also growingly anxious. I adore my son (16 months now, will be 23 months when the next arrives), he's the best thing imaginable, but - my, he's hard work. And I'm no earth mother. Although I love each day with him, it takes a lot out of me.

And now I just don't know how I'll cope with two. I'm exhausted already, and the thought of going back to the sleepless nights, the endless breastfeeding, while looking after my son, baffles me.

Basically, I'm feeling pathetic and worried. I know that countless women bring their children up without a whiff of neurosis or complaint, but I am beginning to feel, in advance, a bit desperate.

Any advice out there? Reassurance?

I had a 23 month gap too, so SNAP! And it happened a bit before I thought it would.

Don't worry. Yes it will be hard work but the bf will probably be easier, as will the birth. My dd2 was a great sleeper, but if they both woke in the night I expected dh to see to the elder one.

The hardest thing is being massively pg with a toddler to run after. Once the new baby has been born and you can actually move, bend down, sleep (when allowed) etc, it is much easier. And kind friends/relatives often offer you help in the first few weeks.

I used to sit bf-ing the baby and reading to the toddler. Remember once, baby coming off the boob and toddler saying "other side!". Ah! Happy days.

My DCs are a bit further apart, 27 mths. I agree with EW, the last couple of months of pregnancy were hard going. There are things you can do though to help you through this time.

Very important, do not try to be Supermum. If (I hope when) someone offers help, accept. Live with a bit of clutter, do not feel that you have to have everyting perfect.

If you can afford it, think about getting a cleaner in for the last few months of pg/first few months of your baby's life.

I cooked double portions the weeks before the birth and froze half so that I was not having to think of shopping and cooking.

Use homeshopping as much as possible, especially for stuff like nappies etc.

And don't forget, the first months are hard, but you will get through them and once they are a bit older, it is great to have DCs close in ages. Ours are great at the moment, they play really well together and love each other to bits. My DD was the first one to make her baby brother laugh, it was such a special moment.

Hi there,
My son will be 20mths when LO comes along and he is such a handful, I keep wondering how Im going to cope too !!

I guess you just get on with it and everything comes together, and take all the help that is offered!!

The thought of goin through all the baby stuff again bothers me the most,(no sleep, breastfeeding, trying to lose pregnancy fat!! etc etc!!!)

Just talk on here when you feel like tearing your hair out x

Ive got a ds who will be 20 months when ds2 arrives in Dec.
I must admit that, even though ds2 was planned i have found myself panicking at times, but there have been some threads on here recently with some really good tips on how to cope.
My ds is such a good baby now im just hoping that things dont change when this one's born

The pregnancy bit I found really difficult, and frustrating for my DS as I couldn't do all the things we would normally do together.

I also worried about how I'd cope with 2 and sometimes thought we'd made a huge mistake! For a while I also felt really guilty; as though I was taking something away from DS1.

It is hard work, no doubt about it (DS2 is now 12wks), but DS1 absolutely adores his baby brother and is keen to 'help'. As DS2 gets older we are gradually slipping into a new routine and I hope it will soon get a bit easier.

Breastfeeding is sooo much easier the second time around, but I am finding the sleep deprivation (DS2 has problems with wind) a bit of a killer - this is my major problem at the moment as I don't cope well without my sleep.

You will cope....Looking after baby no.2 is a much more laid back affair than with your PFB

I'm in a similar position, DD is 21.5 months & DC2 due any day (39+2) - and I'm STILL panicking about how I'll cope....! (bit late for that now )

The last month or so has been hard work as DD is such a live wire & I'm so knackered all the time.... No family close & DH works away M-F so that doesn't help either.

I keep telling myself that plenty of people have a 2yr-ish gap between DC & survive & come out the other side smiling. Hopefully the DC will be really close, play together etc, which will make things easier eventually....

I'm just hoping DC2 is like DD in temperament, she was a very chilled baby (made up for it since mind you )

My two are 17 months apart and the last weeks of my pregnancy were hell with SPD - in actual fact after the birth was easier than that as i could walk, bend down, play etc

It is hard but you will cope. A friend of mine used to agonise over how he could love two children - he felt he loved his first more than anything, but you just do, you get more love, and you also get more resilience to deal with the sleepless nights etc

Your ds will be nearly 2 by the time no 2 is born and there is a big diference in his maturity between 16 mths and 23 mths, it will all be fine

and as they get older you will have so much to look forward to when they play together. I have had weekend lie ins for a while now as they take each other off to play and not disturb us.

I also rememebr a gorgeous photo of dd trying to feed 6 mth old ds with baguette and cream cheese - unfortunatly she had dropped it in the mud but that did not stop either of them!

Two are so wonderful because you get to see all the fun little interactions between them both, and it just goes on getting better ...

Mine are 23 mths apart and, agreeing with the others, it is v v hard when the second one arrives. But it gets easier, and things are greatly helped if you can read upside-down books/do upside-down jigsaws with DC1 whilst feeding DC2. Your house will be a big mess. But that doesn't matter really (I tell myself...).
And now they are 4.3 and 2.3 they are really really lovely together and adore each other (which I really wasn't expecting).

Congratulations, I have a 23 month gap between my boys too. I remember feeling the same as ds1 is a lively boy!!

I did the bfeeding whilst reading with ds1, or watching TV with him, I used to make his lunch whilst baby was asleep in the morning and put it in the fridge ready as baby always seemed to need feeding at lunchtime and a hungry toddler is not good!!

I remember that ds2 was so much easier as I was used to having a baby by then and it was ds1 who continued to be a handful.

Hopefully your ds1 will still be having an afternoon nap, that was a godsend for me, I used to wait until he was in bed then bfeed the baby laying down and have a nap too.So if that's the case with you, don't have visitors around afternoon nap time, especially at the beginning, get them, to come when your ds1 is awake and they can entertain him for you!!

Be prepared for your eldest to ignore the baby or be quite ambivalent towards it, ds1 just called ds2 "baby" for months but now they are 7 and 5 and are very close.

Now I am pregnant with #3 and I'm panicking!!

Congratulations I'm pregnant with twins and when they are due DS will be just 1, at first it scared the pants off me!! I think the only thing that helps me is to take day by day try not to worry whats going to happen tomorrow because when it comes you just get through it, I found the hardest thing was tiredness when DS was born as it had been 8yrs since DD2 was born, and like the others say its remembering not tryin to be superwoman rest when you can and take what help your offered. I hope you pregnacy goes well for you and all the best

I had the exact same feeling when expecting dd1 and was worried about it being unfair to ds etc as he was just 2. It was nothing like I though and my body automatically gave me the energy and drive to cope, maybe more so as dd2 came along 12mths after dd1..lol

All these messages are so nice to read. I'm hoping, like Omen, that my body will do some chemistry and provide me with tripled energy reserves!Hmm.

Also have cunning plan to win lottery and thus allow husband to give up job, so he can look after babies for me.

Although, remembering back to when my son was born, I was just so overwhelmed with love for him that I didn't really register all the broken sleep and exhaustion, just got on with it, as EKat says. I really need a bit more of your attitude, Kat - twins and a toddler! I'm panicking with simple singles.

Anyway, son currently refusing to nap, has been upstairs in cot saying "onion" (word of the day) for half an hour now, so I better go and rescue...

Erm, I felt the same before having DD (now 8 months). DS was 18 months when she was born.

I won't lie that it's been a really testing time... DD is an appauling sleeper (wakes every 90 mins at least!) and DS is a 'spirited' toddler. But do you know what? I do cope. maybe 'just', but I do cope. And I do enjoy it.

All I can say is don't be too hard on yourself. Your toddler will have to take a back seat at times and he will will find that hard (as will you, watching it) but it does get easier and your DS will soon becoming quite good at entertaining himself when necessary. Though that means creating a mess in my experience! My DD barely got spoken to for months as DS took a lot of time up and I felt guilty for that. I never even noticed her first smiles! My cat is still here which surprises me as I thought he would have moved out by now! DH and I barely have a chance to talk and do bicker, but we agreed early on that what is said in those first months, doesn't count! And my house is a tip.

When I see DS and DD enjoying each other I remember why I had two close together.

I am v suspicious of any mother of more than one young child whose house is not a tip. She must be cheating somehow ....