Not feeling connected to the baby at all

6 replies

Idk13 · 03/01/2021 19:53

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant, I've heard their heartbeat, I've seen them on the ultrasounds. I'm not as excited as everyone else is, or anything like that. My spouse was constantly thinking about the sex of the baby & was so excited to find out. But I couldn't have cared less. I don't feel any connection at all to this baby. It's freaking me out. I know I should be by now. But I just don't. Is this normal?!? This pregnancy is making me even more depressed than I already was. I just don't know what to do anymore.

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Worriedandabitscared · 03/01/2021 19:57

@Idk13

Don't freak out, everyone is different some people feel that bond in pregnancy, some feel it at birth, some feel it weeks down the line and some even feel it months down the line, there's no "right time", I'm 36 weeks pregnant and I'm not excited, I don't feel anything when I see him on the screen or hear his heart beat but I was watching one born and cried when they passed her the baby so I think I'll start to feel connected when he's here, for me it's hard to imagine without physically seeing him if that makes sense

grisen · 03/01/2021 22:02

I wasn’t connected to my son, to the point that I hated hearing his heartbeat, I always felt relieved when I saw him during scans. However when he was born I felt so happy and connected to him pretty quickly once he was born, I’d say over the week after we got home from the hospital.

Blue2021 · 04/01/2021 08:07

I get this. It’s normal. Everyone is different. I didn’t sort any baby stuff out, wouldn’t talk about baby really or think about baby until about 35 weeks. When people talked about baby I used to have to fake smile, fake excitement. I clearly remember thinking why am I doing this, what is wrong with me.

It was a kinda of planned - if it happens pregnancy so definitely Wanted but I felt so poorly with DS at beginning I think that spoilt the pregnancy. I focused on work literally until about 3 weeks before he arrived. I actually think I started to get properly excited when I left work 16 days before he arrived. I loved him the second he arrived but I remember feeling all the way through worried I wouldn’t love him/regret him etc.

sproutsnbacon · 04/01/2021 08:14

I didn’t feel particularly connected at 20 weeks. As the baby started to kick I found the connection grew. By the end I knew the times of day I expected a good kicking and worried if it didn’t start on time.
Strangely I wasn’t bothered about my second after she was born other than to ask if she was ok. Strong bond now though.

RealisticSketch · 04/01/2021 08:15

Don't feel weird! There is a strong social message you should be loved up and chatting to your bump in the bath and all that stuff and nonsense. I think many of us don't fell that at all.
I just found it something growing inside me slightly odd, if not vaguely alarming. The change of shape weirdly fascinating/inconvenient.
The day before dc1 was born I was chatting to my dh saying the exact same thing as you and even asked 'do you think I'll love it when it arrives cos I don't feel anything yet'. I was lucky and got a rush of love at birth which still hasn't worn off yet and he is 10. Even if that doesn't happen and you take a while to feel love after the birth, that's ok too because we all follow a different path and all are valid, just some don't get shouted about.
If it helps, I also felt nothing for dc2 before she was born, but I was less worried this meant anything bad after the experience of the first. 👍

mamaatthegym · 05/01/2021 09:13

I remember my best friend saying when I was about 6 months pregnant, “I bet you just feel an unconditional love towards your bump already don’t you! Aren’t you so excited?!” I fake smiled and said of course, in my head I was thinking...no, should I? The moment they put her in my arms was a whole different story. I’ve never loved anything more

Don’t feel weird. I think I also felt really disconnected because of my sickness and nausea and told my mum at 12 weeks that I was not excited anymore and I was depressed. I do think I was at the time.

Don’t put pressure on yourself

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