I'm worried about labour

[Goofypeach]

Does anyone feel the same? I am terrified of labour, always been. I'm on my 14th week and thinking that I have to go through giving birth scares me so much! I know it's a natural process and I shouldn't be really feeling like that but I do. I usually have a high tolerance of pain but it scares me

I had a Emergqncy C with my first and now I'm pregnant again and I feel like it's the first time all over again 🙈 I'm terrified of labour all though it wasn't a traumatic birth either xx

It scared me too, when I had my first. I was afraid of the unknown, mostly- the pain of a baby coming out, it was a big scary unknown hanging over me during labour and that fear slowed things down. At one point they told me baby was starting to become distressed and that they may need to "get the doctor in" which I knew meant a possible episiotomy- which scared me even more, so much so that I lost the other fear and he was out in the following push! Turns out the pain I was scared of was just a little stinging sensation for a moment! He did have a big round head too- I was surprised it wasn't a worse pain! I had two other kids and am pregnant with my 4th, and I actually look forward to the productive sensations of labour now, as they come right before meeting the new family member!

Fear of the unknown is a real pain in the head! Contractions felt like period pains but more productive, like my body was doing a great effort, then the little stinging bit, then relief!

I wish you a swift and uncomplicated labour staffed by kind and reassuring people. Do bring up this fear you have with your midwife, she will be able to give you reassurance.

By the time it's high summer and you're 9 months gone, you'll welcome labour!
Seriously, though, it's OK. Have an epidural if you want. There's a lot of options.

I was the same in my pregnancy, I was quite nervous and read numerous threads on childbirth to try and prepare myself but didn’t really help. I gave birth 5 weeks ago and the labour actually wasn’t as bad as I thought. Obviously it was painful but with pain relief it was bearable and It’s not scarred me from going through it again

I recommend you read the positive birth book and perhaps do an online course?
The book helped change my mindset completely

Look up The Daisy Foundation and maybe consider the Birthing classes? A lovely way to learn about your body in labour and give some time up for just you and your baby, helps to relax you too.

Good Luck!

I was like that with my first. This time I’ve done the bump to baby chapter online course and it’s honestly helped me so much. I’m actually almost excited about labour this time.

OP, labour pain is optional! If you don’t want it, have an epidural. They don’t give medals for martyred suffering, and you can avail yourself of whatever level of analgesia you want, from paracetamol, entonox, tens machines, opiates, up to the gold standard of an epidural.
You will be safely monitored by professionals in a hospital equipped to intervene immediately if you or your baby is in danger.
Labour in the UK is very safe - unlike many other countries, where globally 800 women a day die from the complications of pregnancy and childbirth.
You will be fine. See how you feel on the day, and choose the level of pain relief you want. Best wishes!

OP I've just read How to Give Birth like Feminist by Milli Hill (who started the positive birth movement mentioned above) and I can't recommend it highly enough. There's lots in there about how we are conditioned to fear birth (by what we see on TV/film and in the media) and then that fear breeds decisions made in fear rather than you being in control of your own birth. It's not all woo, it's more like helping you be in control of your own decisions which make for a more positive birth.

Do read about it.

The thing about Labour pain is that it is natural, normal and positive. Most pain we endure in life is because something is wrong, and that makes us afraid and worried. The mentality of being in labour felt more to me like hard exercise when you're really pushing your limits, in that it hurt, yes but it wasn't scary pain and I knew why it was happening so I was calm if that makes sense.

Pp are right in that pain relief is available, and don't endure more than you want to. I had an epidural with my first but just pethidine with my second. I preferred the epidural but the second one was manageable.

I feel the exact same. I've just purchased the Positive Birth Company pack for £36 online and it's got a wealth of info and techniques for labour. It's already helped me get my head around being able to do it. Highly recommend!

Trust me when you're actually in it the fear goes away, at least it did for me. The whole build up I was so scared and just kept praying and praying. Once you're going through it (after pain relief) i enjoyed it!

The important thing is to be flexible with your plans. I spent 36 years as an anaesthetist, and so many exhausted women said to me they wished they’d asked for an epidural eight hours earlier. I had some who’d soldiered on for 24 hours, before finally requesting.
Labour is very variable - some lucky women have a perfectly positioned baby and a short pain free labour. Others have an O-P position, crippling backache and a very long labour.
Other women can only tell you anecdotally how it was for them as an individual. You are not a failure if you require more pain relief than they did, or if you need surgical intervention. All that matters is a live, healthy mum and baby with as little pain as possible for their particular labour. Be confident about expressing your needs on the day.

I think it’s really normal to be scared - it’s a big deal and people only tend to share the horror stories (cause where’s the fun factor in hearing about a straight forward, relatively pain free birth?).

However once you’re in that moment - you will be fine. I remember feeling terrified then when it came to actual labour I just had to push on through! I had an epidural about 14 hours in and wish I’d taken it earlier as it made things so so much more manageable for me. I ended up needing an episiotomy and ventouse assistance and the epidural helped with this too - when they said they were needing to do an episiotomy I was telling my husband no I didn’t want one when the doctor told me it’d already been done - I didn’t feel a thing!

You might find you cope well with the pain though, I have a friend who loves labour and finds the ‘pain’ really manageable and loves the whole process. Good luck!

If it helps anyone, I'd give birth over and over. I
I genuinely loved all parts of the experience and I've had two very different births.
The pain is pain and it's true as above, you'll only hear the horrible bits. People are so eager to tell you how bad their contractions were, how it lasted 300 hours etc etc. But honestly, you're working towards a magical moment and there's nothing like meeting your baby for the first time.

Very normal! By the time you're late in the 30 weeks you'll be feeling pumped and ready to do it to get pregnancy over with!

I watched absolutely loads of birth stories on YouTube, which fascinated me and I knew that no births would ever be the same. Good job really as I had a cat 1 emcs, which was more traumatic than any I watched at all!

As a pp said, if you want them, have the drugs! No one gets a medal at the end of a drug-free birth. Epidurals are wonderful. A gift from modern science!

Having had two and expecting my third next month I can honestly say once the time comes and you’re that uncomfortable, tired and so excited to meet baby, you will welcome it. As others have said, you don't have to suffer in pain and certainly won’t be given a medal based on how much pain you tolerate.

Also, in the moment, you will likely surprise yourself how open for anything and everything you are and all you have in your mind is the welfare of your baby. Even if an emergency were to arise, you will not give yourself a second thought as all thoughts are getting your baby born safely.

Wow thank you so much everyone! I appreciate all your contributions. It really helps!!!

Just been reading through the comments as I am the same as you OP, I am expecting my first baby and the idea of birth currently scares me too! (Although when I get a little further along I am going to the positive birth company course / read the book) People here have given you lots of great advice!

@SuperbGorgonzola I really love your view on labour pain and that advice is going to stick with me thank you!

Try not to worry. My labour and birth got complicated and it still wasn't that bad. The pain is a productive pain and gas and air is great. If it gets too bad it can be pain-free with an epidural. I'd this time to be more straightforward but I'm not worried.

I was scared and anxious too with both my first and second.
I'm 38w today with my 5th and although I am thinking soon I'm going to be in lots of pain, at the same time I'm thinking soon will have a little baby in my arms too.

It is daunting thinking about the pain. But you get through it and it is a hard yet magical experience.

I have terribly long labours and that's what is bothering me atm. I have been having spaced out contractions for the past week and just want things to get on. Its incredible how this is my 5th baby. I never imagined having so many children. I love being a mother and the childbirth pain and even after pains makes it all worth it.

Good luck for your new baby.