Very surprised and scared.

[Zrose]

To give some back story, I have a 17 month old. Tumultuous relationship with her father which resulted in me getting a non molestation this year - very narcissistic. As of summer we were still sleeping together, August I missed my period took a test early September - negatives across the board. A day after or the evening of the test I began to bleed quickly and heavily, loads of clots (sorry tmi). I put it down to an anovulatory period or a miscarriage. My cycle since had been none existent, october I THINK I bled for a couple of days. And I don’t really remember last month I think there was some spotting. Doctors told me to take a test when I told them what happened with the bleed and get to A&E if it was positive and just see how I go if it was negative. I didn’t take a test as I thought about the bleed and previous negative tests. At the time I was super tired and put it down to everything I have going on with her dad. The past couple of weeks been crazy bloated, I also putting my boobs hurting down to me having stopped breastfeeding recently so thinking I just had milk build up. Yesterday I went in the bath and felt a lump to the side of my stomach, I was rubbing it for a bit but when I when to rub again it wasn’t there. This morning I felt what I definitely know to be a kick so took a test and here we are.

I’m scared, anxious, can’t really get my head around this. I don’t know how, what to even tell my daughters father. Don’t know if I can do this again by myself if he fails me. Don’t know if I’m ready for this. Worried because I’ve been living life like I normally would, drinking, smoking, some days not eating due to lack of appetite, no prenatals.

And figuring I’ve got to be quite far because my daughter didn’t kick until around 16 weeks or so. I think I’ve written this because I needed to get it off my chest. If any one has any advice I would be so grateful.

I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed. That’s understandable.
I would try breaking all this down into smaller steps. You don’t have to do everything at once. You don’t have to make a decision about what to say to the Father right now. Prioritise your health first. Make a GP appointment urgently. Have you thought about whether you want to continue the pregnancy? There is support available in helping you make that decision.
Try not to worry about the past few weeks. You’re definitely not the first person to be in this position and you can’t change the past. What you can do is take a deep breathe, look after yourself and take this one step at a time from now on.

I kept saying I would love another one, I just didn’t want to be doing it by myself so wanted that family unit that’s the way I wanted it to go the second time around.

Will try to get an appointment with gp on Monday but I can’t get my head around this I feel like I was going in one direction and finally starting to manage things and now this.

OP I’m so sorry you have been going through all this. So glad to hear you have a GP appointment Monday. They will probs rush you in for a scan. You really do need to look after yourself from here on out. I had a friend who partied all the way through her pregnancy and baby was fine.. (she didn’t know she was pregnancy until the day before baby arrived.. not sure where she hid him as she’s a size 8!) Have a serious think of you really want to continue with the pregnancy too, you have options. Wishing you all the best OP. Speak up and ask for help as and when you need it xx

How are you doing @Zrose? Hope your OK x

Hey I’m okay thank you for checking up on me. Doctor suspects I'm between 16-20 weeks because I can feel baby moving and has referred me to midwives. Says if I don’t hear from them in a week to call and chase em. Baby is very active, I’ve thrown in a bag what I can for hospital as I don’t want to be unprepared like last time.