Anxious for Midwife contact

[akm123]

Hi Guys,

I have tried discussing my worries and concerns with my partner but got a usual man response of 'you will be fine' haha.

My worries are in two parts 1) the dread of dealing with my local GP surgery/general pregnancy treatment and 2) my weight.

I'm only 4 weeks pregnant so I'm not telling anyone else about my news and am starting to feel extremely anxious about my pregnancy.

In 2017 I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. When I was starting to bleed I tried to contact the local midwives but I never received a response. At this point I didn't have any idea what to do so this is what Google told me do. I didn't receive a response in 24hrs so I called my GP and the receptionist told me to go to A&E. When I got there I basically received a telling off from the Dr and was told 'you can't have a scan so I don't know why you're here, go home and we can't do anything' (I do understand this now btw- just at the time it was awful to be sent around the houses when I was literally having a miscarriage right there)The next day I spoke to the GP receptionist (she was amazing), who told me how to book into the early pregnancy clinic (I didn't even know this existed haha) for the next day. I went and it was confirmed.
Roll on 6 months later I was in a meeting at work and my phone rang, it was a midwife congratulating me on my new baby. Omg it was horrendous, my heart literally dropped. I explained and she was apologetic but honestly was the most awful things that's happened to me. I broke down in my work meeting 😬

I feel like I had the most horrific first pregnancy and received no support after my miscarriage - is this normal?

I'm worried I'm going to have another awful experience and honestly I'm terrified of seeing a Dr or Midwife. Currently I am 17 stone, in my first pregnancy I was 13 stone and very fit. In my first pregnancy meeting I was told to join slimming world as I was over weight (totally understandable). Now I am still physically fit but obviously I am obese. I am literally terrified of what they will say to me. I know I'm obese, I try my best to eat my 5 a day and walk everyday. Tbh I have always struggled with my weight and I think about it every day.
I know they are just doing their jobs and I completely understand it is for the good of my baby. But can I ask them if there is any way of asking them to not mention my weight all the time? I wish I could turn back time and loose weight before becoming pregnant. I am trying to be super healthy.

Can anyone tell me what to expect?

Thank you for reading & apologies for the rant

Kathleen xx

Hi
I'm so sorry you went through this but congratulations on this pregnancy
I can relate so so much I had a miscarriage in june at 6 weeks and now pregnant again almost 20 weeks now
This is my first child so obv the miscarriage was my first ever pregnancy so I had no clue what was normal what wasn't.
I started spotting one evening and messaged the midwife my concern I got no response i had only spoken to her a few days before as she rung and booked me in for my phone call appointment to get everything booked in.
I was on edge all that day and night waiting for a response so I rung 111 the next day as was in a state, in my heart I knew what was happening but couldn't accept so carried on like a crazy lady trying to google other things it could be Ringing every private scanning place possible to try get a slot but nothing so I had a scan a few days later where they confirmed it was definitely a miscarriage by this point the spotting had turnt into bleeding the lady told me they contact the midwife/gp I don't need to do anything other than let nature take it's course, well like yourself I got that dreaded phone call but mine was a few weeks later to book In appointments wasn't expecting it all all random number I was like 'hello' she was cheery as anything 'just ringing to get you all booked in'
Like you was beyond upset having to actual say 'I lost the baby' broke me
I felt the same as you disappointed at the treatment I had received it wasn't the midwifes fault but why did they not contact the gp? For weeks after I bled I had so much trouble & every time I went to toilet it was a constant reminder of what had happened I was ringing and ringing my gp and felt like I was getting nowhere no one wanted to help, my partner was great but because of covid I had to do it all on my own he wasn't allowed in when I was told there was no longer a baby so I had to then go repeat everything I had been told that I couldn't take in myself yet, back to him I wasn't sure after that if I wanted to go on trying just thought I don't ever want to have to deal with anyone or this again but I'm so so glad I did and fell again quickly I feel this pregnancy has been completely different.
The midwife I have is lovely when you go to your appointments they will talk about the miscarriage but I feel as though for me I've had nothing but nice responses and support offered luckily this time I haven't had to contact my midwife or see her other than my appointments but honestly you have nothing to worry about enjoy your pregnancy and don't let the stress get the better of you!
Also don't stress over the weight it's nothing you can change now so just embrace it your bigger than you once was don't mean you can't have a healthy pregnancy and look after your little pud any different to anyone else, I am over weight and my midwife has never said anything about me being bigger than what I'm 'suppose' to be she weighed me and wrote it down and that was that no more said lots of bigger women have happy healthy pregnancy's so try not to over think about it
Wishing you all the best & sorry for rambling on my partner was the same as I was like you and didn't want to tell anyone till I had my nhs scan, they try bless them

Aww I am so sorry you went through all this. I was over weight (obese) on my pregnancy (actually lost 3 stone in it) and it literally meant I needed two extra scans. Midwife was fine with me about it, explained I needed to eat right etc. Tbh it was a massive wake up call to me. You will be fine. My pregnancy was fine apart from morning sickness. Good luck OP xx

Unfortunately your miscarriage experience isn't unusual and it's normal to have no support afterwards. I also got a call on the day of my 12 week scan basically telling me off for not turning up.....I was in a different ward miscarrying and they hadn't communicated it to the other department 🤷‍♀️

You can't really ask them not to mention your weight though ....it is a health factor and may also mean you are required to have consultant led care which changes birth options etc. They are generally pretty sensitive about it though

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

That sounds like such a tough time, I’m not surprised you’re nervous about interacting with midwives and the nhs generally. I won’t lie, it’s been a bit chaotic where I am and I’ve had to be persistent with chasing appointments and paperwork. However when I have needed to go in (eg due to spotting at 12 weeks), I was seen by the early pregnancy unit no problem and the midwives were all so lovely. So if it’s the same for you, don’t let the ‘outside’ face of the nhs (chaotic, seemingly not very caring) put you off. Once you can actually see midwives properly they’re so caring and helpful. If I were you, I’d sort out my referral to the midwives now (depending on the area you might self refer or go via your GP). Given your last experience you should defo let your midwives and GP know that you’ll be needing extra reassurance after your miscarriage at 12 weeks. Ask them to note it on the system. Might be helpful later (eg your gp might call you to see how it’s all going/ it might help strengthen your case for more scans).

Re your weight, don’t worry at all sweetheart and don’t feel ashamed. I think nearly everyone is carrying extra weight due to the pandemic. It isn’t their job to lecture you about something you can’t change right now. They’ll probably just give you some info about healthy eating. Also, one very important point, you will probably need to be taking a 5 mg dose of folic acid. So call your gp on Monday, tell the receptionist you’re pregnant, your bmi and that you need extra folic acid urgently. They’ll sort it for you ASAP.

Lastly, just to reiterate, don’t feel ashamed about your weight at all. You’re just as important as any other patient and we all have different circumstances. Weight is just one factor and other mums will be feeling guilty about all kinds of things (eg smoking/drinking before finding out they were pregnant, those with very stressful jobs/relationships/home lives will worry about the impact on their baby, those with precarious financial positions or relationships will worry about that, etc). I reckon most of us pregnant mums are worrying and feeling guilty about something or other (when we shouldn’t)!

Except for the midwife call 6 months later, totally normal experience. It sucks. I think medics forget how devastating miscarriages can be because they are sadly so common.

During my second, I was so dizzy I could hardly walk, so went to see the gp to make sure that was normal. He literally uttered the words 'have more miscarriages' before they would offer me any sort of help. I still hope that gp suffers. Bastard.

When I was later struggling with depression because of infertility (a year after the second miscarriage), a different gp apologised to me for how insensitively the previous gp had spoken to me.

His message was correct, but how he said it was just plain wrong. I blame how it was handled partly for the depression that came on after.

I went on to have my daughter through ivf a year and a half after that second (early) mc. Currently 27 weeks with number two without any further miscarriages.

This is why we tend to say 'be kind to yourself' around here about miscarriage, because not all medical professionals will be... I'm sorry.

Agree that weight may play a factor in your pregnancy, and it would be irresponsible not to mention it from a medical point of view.

I don’t think that is a normal experience, I had spotting around 8 weeks. Called the surgery, a GP called me back and also saw me the same day. I also have mobile numbers for the midwife and pregnancy unit. Their should always be someone to advise, I’m so sorry it was such an awful experience for you.

Re weight, you know what you need to do already, and it’s not drastic so try not to worry too much about that.

You can also book a private scan from about 6 weeks if you’re feeling anxious x

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your answers and reassurance. Feeling a lot better this morning.
I'm so sorry to hear everyone else has experienced such a rubbish time whilst going through a miscarriage.
Good luck to everyone in future pregnancies and thank you for your help xxx

In regards to your weight, what I have found helpful for me is owning it. So when talking to them I may say something like ‘I know there are other additional risks due to my high BMI’
As a result of this, they don’t mention it!
At my booking in appt was the only time it was mentioned about diet - and that was to advise me to change to brown carbs, watch my sugar intake to avoid gestational diabetes.

I’m 40 weeks on Sunday - and I have put on 1.7kg (3.7lbs) since the start of my pregnancy!

@Raspberry681 Thank you so much for your reassurance and reply, it has really put me at ease. Feeling a lot better this morning about everything. I will contact my GP re Folic Acid asap.

@wishingwomen Thank you so much for your reply! I'm really sorry to hear you had to go through that it is awful. You have put my mind at ease re the weight - I really need to stop reading Instagram horror stories about it all haha. Take care x

@Holliej - Thank you very much, that's great to hear xx

@ivfbeenbusy - Thank you for your reply, I am so sorry to hear you had to go through that!

@physicskate Thank you for your reply. I am so sorry the Dr said that to you - that is awful . Congratulations on your daughter, and second pregnancy. That is wonderful! Take care x

@Snally82 Thank you for your reply, I will defo keep that in mind x

@Milkshake54 Thank you for the great advice, I will definitely keep this in mind. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Take care! X

Just wanted to add, as have read my post back, I know the Drs and Midwives must mention the weight as it's obviously a health factor. One of my best friends is a Midwife (in another part of the country though ) I spoke to her this morning. She basically told me to stop being stressy & to take one day at a time. She said it is a health factor but to stop obsessing over it and the horror stories about body shaming I have read online are not common AT ALL. She told me off for reading them haha. I feel much better now.

Sorry you went through that with your miscarriage!
I had no clue what to do with mine so called the GP surgery the next day and she just told me to test in 2 weeks.
Sorry you got sent everywhere. Must've been awful!

As for this one, I have been overweight for all 3. More so this one than others, quite bigger than you. You get the odd person who will lecture you on your weight, for me it was the guy doing the ultrasound but he has pretty much been the only one.
You'll be sent for GD test and also probably be consultant led and not midwife led.
Midwives have always been nice though! Obviously they will bring up the weight and tell you the extra complications that can happen ect

@akm123

Just wanted to add, as have read my post back, I know the Drs and Midwives must mention the weight as it's obviously a health factor. One of my best friends is a Midwife (in another part of the country though ) I spoke to her this morning. She basically told me to stop being stressy & to take one day at a time. She said it is a health factor but to stop obsessing over it and the horror stories about body shaming I have read online are not common AT ALL. She told me off for reading them haha. I feel much better now.

I agree.. They're not common at all!

@Milkshake54

In regards to your weight, what I have found helpful for me is owning it. So when talking to them I may say something like ‘I know there are other additional risks due to my high BMI’ As a result of this, they don’t mention it! At my booking in appt was the only time it was mentioned about diet - and that was to advise me to change to brown carbs, watch my sugar intake to avoid gestational diabetes.

I’m 40 weeks on Sunday - and I have put on 1.7kg (3.7lbs) since the start of my pregnancy!

I have found this too! Like with my ultrasound, they usually apologise for having to press so hard ect, and I always say something along the lines of "It's fine, do what you need to do, I know it's more difficult because I'm bigger"

Hi op, similar happened to me. I had a termination, to only receive a call from a midwife to book me in, was horrible.

My friend was very overweight with both of her pregnancies, she did slimming world first time round and second did nothing. Both pregnancy's were exactly the same and funnily enough the same birth too. She was consultant led for being over weight so you may be too, but she never got gestational diabetes.
Good luck with your pregnancy.