FTM and scared of the first night alone with the baby

[Emma5557]

Hello, my due date is getting closer and (apart being scared of giving birth in general), I am scared of not being able to take care of the baby if I stay one night in the labour ward. My hospital (St Thomas) allows partners to stay only for max 4h after birth and then few hours during the day due to Covid. I know midwives are busy so I am wondering if someone will help me? I plan to breastfeed, but what if there is a problem? Or if I cannot move from the bed because of a complicated delivery/ C-section? I am a FTM so i really have no idea of what to expect!

Honestly it is kinda scary when the midwives leave you alone with the baby, like, hello, do you not realise I don't know what I'm doing and can hurt this thing?!

But try not to worry too much. Yes the midwives should help you if you are struggling with breastfeeding or lifting etc. The ward can be busy but they will come when free. I had a hard time breastfeeding my first who was very sleepy and we got lots of help in hospital with positioning, keeping him awake, hand expressing and syringe feeding.

If you have a straightforward vaginal delivery you may even not get kept in. The hospital were happy to discharge me straight from the birthing suite with my first.

Oh I rang that bell so many times! My midwives were amazing. They are there to help you. You'll be put in a different ward to the labour ward, so they're there to support you. They may even have feeding experts. And there will be other Mums in the same boat.

No words of wisdom unfortunately. But just wanted to say I'm sharing the exact same anxiety currently. 38 weeks tomorrow and I think I'm more worried about that first night than I am actually giving birth!

I'm sure once we're there everything will just come naturally and there will be plenty of help on hand! Good luck x

I stayed 2 days with my last baby, in a private room (they put you in one until your COVID test comes back and they weren't busy so didn't need to move me onto a ward at any point). DH went home after I was settled in my room. Honestly, it was absolutely fine. They came to do obs every few hours anyway so it felt like there was always someone in there and they responded very promptly whenever I pressed the call button.

They're also better placed to help with breastfeeding than your DH will be, in all likelihood, so the hospital is actually the best place if you're struggling with that.

Ah OP it’s natural to be nervous. It’s been on my mind too and I’m hoping for an ELCS.

I’m pregnant with my second. When I was chatting to my midwife the other day about how the wards will be managed around my due date, she was very reassuring.
She said pre-Covid so much of their time was taken up dealing with visitors and birth partners (and the subsequent problems they can cause) rather than being available on demand for when a new mum needed their help. Since Covid with all the restrictions she said it’s been refreshing as they’ve been able to get on with their jobs more efficiently and that now if a new mum presses the button for help then they are able to go straight to her rather than keeping her waiting.
She was very reassuring and it made me feel better.

I was wiped out and weak after birth and couldn't lift my baby. My OH had to leave for the night, I rang the bell alot. I felt like a pain but they were always happy to help.

Hi OP

I became a first time mum in the first week of the first lockdown and all the joys that came with that. I had a difficult birth and had to have surgery afterwards. My husband was allowed to stay with the baby and then came back for visiting - not identical to your options but similar. The post natal ward (midlands hospital) was incredible. You would never have known we were experiencing the height of a pandemic. Every single staff member was kind, patient and eager to help me. I had a catheter in and had had to have a spinal block for my surgery so could hardly move.

Whatever I needed they helped me with, be it a midwife, health care assistant, feeding specialist, student nurses and midwives. They passed me my baby, helped me change my baby, bought me food and drink, helped me to the loo, one amazing lady even helped me put my compression stockings back on after my shower. One night when I was exhausted one lovely midwife offered to cuddle my baby in the chair next to my bed so I could sleep but my baby would still be with me. She even gave dh the heads up that visitor policy was changing the next day and to make sure he returned with an overnight bag as he wouldn’t be allowed back in if he left again.

These amazing teams have now had 9 months of practice at delivering the incredible care they do usually within Covid challenges. I don’t know your hospital and not everywhere is brilliant but I would say you should try not to worry - they will all want to make you comfortable and be willing to help, you only have to ask.

Hugest luck!

Thank you for sharing your experience! I guess the Covid situation makes me more anxious... I am trying to stay positive and hopefully everything will be fine