Scared of labour

[1990fran]

Hi all

Im 32 weeks, first pregnancy

All has been fine so far I am very greatfull however I have over last month had overwhelming feelings of anxiety around labour, stillbirth and other things that could go wrong, there is nothing I can do but look after myself and worrying isnt helping as mum says but I cant help it, when im online I have seen a few horror stories come up and its heightened the anxiety, I havent said anything to midwife about my anxiety but its quite late on I think to say anything I guess, I know people have had c sections due to anxiety issues, I really want a natural birth but so scared something will go wrong, i worried at all my scans etc don't think the worry will ever stop even when becoming a mum. I havent been to any classes etc all been a bit of a mess due to xovid and restrictions etc just wondered if anyone else has had anxiety around this and if so how did you cope? Sorry for the rant this is all new to me x

Plesse do speak to your midwife, they can help you.

Also, remember that your body is an intelligent design, it's built for this, and it is far more likely to all go right than all go wrong.

Speak to your midwife hopefully she will b able to help go thought it all with you . Also maybe look at some online classes instead of face to face classes xx

People are happy to share horror stories. The boring birth stories are definitely out there!!! Seek some out from friends, colleagues etc. People just generally don't share the boring stories as much as they don't need to 'process' the whole experience...

Have you had a look at the positive birth company? I've been doing the digital pack and it's really helped calm my nerves and help me feel in control, ready for birth. I really recommend it!

Totally understand how you feel.
I went from wanting an elective c-section to looking forward to giving birth and with the blessing of lots of luck went on to have a great vaginal birth.

Have you read the positive birth book?

Hiya, I can’t offer you any advice from the other side I’m afraid as I’m also pregnant with my first, but I’ve been doing hypnobirthing and found it really helpful. I’ve been doing mine over Zoom privately, but check out the Positive Birth Company - they have an online package for about £40 which is a lot cheaper than what I paid and I’ve heard good things. It’s important to be clued up about what can happen in birth including the things that can go wrong and decisions you may have to make if so - but so much of the internet and what you hear from other people is heavily weighted towards the horror stories, it’s no wonder so many people feel fearful of birth. What has really helped me is reading positive birth stories (there are lots on the Positive Birth Company website - including lots of different scenarios, from home births to inductions to C sections) and watching positive birth videos on YouTube. It’s shown me there’s such a broad spectrum of experiences beyond what you see on TV. I don’t know what kind of birth I’ll end up having but I feel quite calm about it and open to any eventuality now. Hope this helps and wishing you all the best for the big day and beyond x

I had a textbook birth (first baby) and I did the positive birth company’s hypnobirthing online course. I was terrified of labour too after being told my baby was measuring big and knew I had to get a grip. Really recommend it because it will make you feel a lot more informed about the process and even if things don’t go to plan you’ll feel more confident.

Please speak with you midwife and they will do their best to help you.

The team that will be there with you during your birth, do this day in day out, they are experts in their field and you will be in the best hands, but I'm sure rationally you know this but still struggling.

I can recommend hypnobirthing it was brilliant for me, so maybe see if you can do an online course and maybe look if there are any online groups you can talk to other expectant mothers to have a chat with.

I hope you feel a little more confident before the birth and everything goes well.

Try hypnobirthing. This link gives you a free audio track to listen to - I recommend the book too. I found the book in the library. www.mindfulmamma.co.uk/free-resources/free-downloads/.

Hypnobirthing can be great. But honestly what reassured me was all the lovely drugs you can get (if you want)! There are so many pain relief options for labour, you can have a really positive natural birth with an epidural if you want to. Mine was amazing.Or there are lots of other options too. Luckily we live on 2020(21!) and if you feel you can’t cope then you will be looked after.

There are a lot of positive you tubers (mostly american) that talk about great births that are more medicalised (by that I mean epidurals). I think exploring all options will put your mind at rest- even if you don’t end up needing it!

Yes, don't be led into thinking that the only cure for being scared of birth is to turn to natural, drug-free hypnobirthing in a pool. Honestly, that stuff just made me dig my heels in more. What reassured me was a consultant telling me he thought it was a good idea for me to have an early epidural, and that there wouldn't be an issue with availability. Horses for courses.

So do talk to your midwife. It's probably not too late for anything. At my hospital they wouldn't even talk to you about a birth plan till you were 34 weeks. And she will be able to talk through your fears, and refer you onwards if necessary.

@melisande99

Yes, don't be led into thinking that the only cure for being scared of birth is to turn to natural, drug-free hypnobirthing in a pool. Honestly, that stuff just made me dig my heels in more. What reassured me was a consultant telling me he thought it was a good idea for me to have an early epidural, and that there wouldn't be an issue with availability. Horses for courses.

Absolutely. I get it’s wonderful for some people and is essentially about being calm.

I did all that stuff, and bought some lavender oil... imagining my calm birth in a pool. Baby was back to back, it took ages. The only thing that helped was pethidine, tens, gas and air, and epidural. Just remember there’s no medals! It was an amazing experience because it was well managed.

I’m pregnant again and whilst I’d love a birth pool, breathe the baby out kind of birth. I am going in with a completely open minded as I know it’s not always that simple.

I've found hypnobirthing really useful in the run up to getting near my due date (38 weeks tomorrow).

I honestly can't tell you if it will actually come in useful during labour as I'm not on the other side of it yet but I've read the Your Baby, Your Birth book by Hollie de Cruz and it's definitely helped anxieties that I've had during pregnancy and I turn to it if I feel a bit wobbly still at times too.

I'm sure the concept of hypnobirthing is much the same across all the different packs and classes that posters have mentioned above but what I really like about this book is that it focuses on the idea that information and knowledge is empowerment and state of mind is key. I wasn't too sure about it at first but the book feels more like a step by step guide for what to expect x

I was terrified of labour too OP, ended up being induced and having a forceps birth but it still wasn’t anywhere near as scary as I imagined it would be. The midwives were wonderful and I had an epidural towards the end which meant the actual delivery was completely painless and I was mentally present for it. Do take some time to speak to your midwife as others here have said; knowledge is power and hopefully you will find it reassuring to know more about what your options are during labour. Good luck!

Speak to your midwife.

I was very scared about labour having heard horror stories from my mum and sister. So I decided knowledge is key:

1. read the positive birth book by Millie hill
2. took a parenting class
3. read loads on the internet about the process
4. lastly I watched tonnes of one born every minute. I wanted to see other people give birth and how it all worked. And often on the program - they will show a birth which is a bit scary at the end but it's over in minutes and mum and baby are fine. We have such good professionals at our hospitals.

@1990fran Highly recommend having a look at the digital pack by the Positive Birth Company. It really helped me to look at labour and delivery in a different way 😊

Please speak to your midwife! That's what she's there for!!
I had a traumatic labour and birth, however please be reassured that I was able to remain calm during the process and I took great reassurance that I had my DP right next to me and a huge team of medical professionals!
I also recommend reading and preparing! My birth plan was out the window but I was able to understand what was happening and why which helped keep me relaxed!
You can do it mummy!

@melisande99 the course I did prepared you for all kinds of birth - c section and induction included and was definitely not only advocating drug free births. It’s about giving you the tools to feel empowered to make the right decisions for you.