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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Having another baby

3 replies

Dad840 · 27/12/2020 05:21

Hello, my wife and I are both 37 and we are blessed to have a beautiful nearly five year old son. We’ve probably had more challenges than many families (although almost everyone has challenges 😊) for example we moved countries before having our first child, my wife has battled anxiety and depression and OCD. Until a few years ago money was hard to find (I’m the only breadwinner but my income is now finally very good) and our first kiddo has sensory issues, mainly relating to eating. When he was younger he was very active and found it difficult to interact with the other kids (due to language but also sensory issues). So basically it was difficult. Fro my point of view, I did my part, for example I got up at night for all of the feeds whilst my wife slept and she watched the baby until he was 3.5 and I could finally afford a good day care. I also did all of the cooking and watched the baby on weekends. My wife was and is still resentful that I had to sometimes work late till about 7 or 8pm leaving her with a busy child. She also would not let me watch him on my own which added to her tiredness. Now, since about a year ago, most of our problems have gone away despite the Corona challenges everyone has at the moment. Before having our first child my wife was reluctant to have any kids even though we always had talked about two, but she loves and cares for our kid so well and couldn’t do without him. As a mom, the most important thing is she is always there for our son and does fun activities with him every day. She has always been “unsure” of any decisions due to her anxiety and gets into a limbo. We have been talking for 5 years about having another which we both at times have said we desire. Whenever I suggest we should have the second baby, my wife is not sure though in the same way she has been, for example, not sure to do her drivers license for the past ten years. I know her well and when she wants something she does it immediately (for example she bought her second dog without two thoughts and without discussing with me no issue about that for me just giving an example.) The problem for me is that I know the decision to have another is more on her and has to be her own decision too and I can understand why she is reluctant to have more kids. At the same time I’m absolutely burning for a second child and feel like we are missing out on a great opportunity. Today she told me she is happy with one (on other days she suggested we have a second one) and I will accept that decision but feel it will chop and change on her side but never materialise in a second baby due to constant uncertainty on her side. Knowing my wife she will get to her 40s and then be devastated she did not have another baby as she does, in my opinion, also wish for another but is scared. From my side, I know that I will regret and be very sore that we won’t have another as I feel this will be another area where our marriage and family misses out on a great potential / opportunity due to my wife’s anxiety. Any ideas or suggestions on how to process this?

OP posts:
FestiveStuffing · 27/12/2020 05:28

I think you've hinted at some wider relationship problems here which would not be helped by adding another child to the mix. She got a dog without discussing it with you? She's resentful of you- were you the reason the family relocated?

I would advise you hope she continues to choose to stick at one and drop the subject. Sounds like another would be bad news for the family unit as a whole.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/12/2020 05:46

From what you've shared, I would not recommend that your wife has another child.

SunnySideUp2020 · 27/12/2020 08:55

Agree with previous comments.
It's sad, but from all that you shared everything points towards the fact that a second baby would make everything very difficult practically speaking and emotionally for your wife and potentially you and your son.
I think you should enjoy your little family and definitely not jeopardise the stability you both worked hard to achieve.

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