When to start maternity leave?

[Ernestina]

I was planning to work up to 36 weeks but at nearly 28 weeks I'm constantly exhausted and have had enough. I have an office job with reasonable hours (8am-4.30pm) and a short, stress-free commute, but I just don't think I can go on much longer. Financially I'd be mad to quit now as I'll only get state maternity benefit and we're totally skint, but I'm just shattered, the house is a pit, I can barely summon the energy to shop for food and all I do in my spare time is sit on the sofa or sleep.

I feel pathetic that other women have long horrific commutes and high powered jobs and manage to work to the bitter end. Can anyone reassure me I'm not a complete wimp?!

I went on maternity leave at 29 weeks. I have a 2 year old and was very tired and just didnt want to carry on working. You get 39 weeks now instead of the 26 weeks you got 2 years ago so I decided to take advantage of that and get some rest before the baby came. Everyone is different but it was right for me. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Have you had your iron levels checked recently? Low levels may be causing the tiredness.

If not, leave whenever you feel ready to. Who is to say when you should or shouldn't leave. If it feels right for you and you can manage financially, then leave now.

I felt bad at 28 weeks but got better and managed to work until 37. It may just be a blip and/or you may be anaemic.

youve gotta do what you feel right but I know at 28 weeks I felt completely knackered but got a second wind (so to speak!) and worked uptp 37 weeks for both of mine which meant I had more time off with them once they were born.

I can't quite remember when I went, but it was about 29/30 weeks as I felt terrible. The health of you and your baby is the most important thing. Could you take a couple of sick days to see if it makes you feel better?

Hi Ernestina

Something i have discovered since falling pregnant is that a lot of the time your body knows best - if you are always tired then its your bodies way of telling you to slow down.

Would work consider letting you cut your hours. Agree about getting iron levels checked.

Don't feel like a wimp, do whats best for you and your baby.

It might be a good idea to take some sick days as crokky suggested and see if this is just a blip. I worked up till 37 wks but my work changed my job so it wasn't too stressful and i had lots of holidays to take so went in for short weeks.

Hope you feel better soon!!

Thanks for all your responses. I've had my iron levels checked and I'm not anaemic so it's not that. But it's reassuring to hear that this might just be a blip and I might feel better in a couple of weeks.

I guess I'll stick it out for a bit longer and maybe see if I can work shorter days...

Ernestina - I agree with all the other posters. Dont worry too much about home stuff, I got a surge of energy whilst on mat leave and sorted it out then. I only worked till about 32 weeks last time and am working till 35 this time as I am absolutely shattered, but you just gotta go with what you feel is right for you.

I felt the same at 28 weeks, I had low iron levels and the doc put me on iron tablets. I was planning on working up until 38 weeks but went off at 35 weeks as I just couldn't do it anymore. I am now 37+2 and am soooo ready for this baby.

If you are struggling to cope, go off when you feel you need to. You are not pathetic because other women can work until the bitter end and you dont feel as if you are able to. Everyone is different, you have to do what is right for you.

Ernestina

I am currently 19 weeks adn exhausted, so desperatly hoping I will start to feel less tired soon. Hope it all starts to feel a bit more manageable for you.

As others have said - I felt awful at about 28 weeks. Really tired and like I couldn't go onn. I am 35 weeks and am finishing next week. It has got better!

Hope you don't mind me jumping in but this thread has been really helpful for me too. I'm 27 weeks and on my knees with the whole pregnancy thing. I'm knackered and have been found sobbing in all sorts of corners, wondering how I am going to go on (and I have the luxury of working from home!).

I like the idea of cutting back hours and am lucky enough that I can do that. Ernestina, is that something your employer can help you with? Do you think that if you just worked mornings or afternoons for a while it would take off the pressure? Perhaps sick leave is the way to go too. Speak to your GP, get a week off and see how you feel then.

Most of all though, listen to your body, not the superwomen stories. If you can work until the bitter end fine, but if you can't don't beat yourself up about it. This is such an important time for you and the baby and that's what comes first.

Sx

Hello

Jumping in as well! I'm 27 weeks and am planning on finishing up when I'm 36 weeks but I've just been told I have SPD which I'm really struggling with - not sleeping at night because of it and I'm sore constantly!! I have a DS (5) and when i had him I finish up at 38 weeks (mind you I finished on the Friday and he was born on the Wednesday so not much time to relax ).

Finding this pregnancy a lot more exhausting - have a 20 min train journey and a 10 min walk to work. I've condensed my hours so that I'm only working four days but this seems to me making me more tired mon-thurs!!

Hello everyone- so reassuring to know that other people aren't super women, my boss and her boss were super woman, working up until the evening before they had their babies, quick time out and were back to work before the stitiches healed! So I have felt utterly pathetic! I am 28 weeks now and have decided to start mat leave at 35 weeks, but for the next 7 weeks I am working 4 days a week instead of five and taking a days holidays, I currently work 8am-6pm Monday to Friday so having a day off in the week is going to be amazing! I agree about sick days though, I have taken one or two a month just because of sheer exhaustion plus work have been understanding am I limp everywhere due to the baby lting on my nerve! I would just sit down with your boss and air your views, they can't say no really and they would probably prefer to accomodate your needs then loose you on the sick altogether!- Good Luck

hello everyone! it is good to hear that not everyone is superwoman! I am 31 weeks and really really tired, and just can't cope with the commute anymore. SPD, a hernia and not sleeping aren't helping matters one bit. Ernestina you are not a complete wimp.

Work had two choices, either sign me off sick, or let me work from home 4 days a week. Unsurprisingly, they plumped for the latter- but I can still go sick if I need to, and frankly, there's not a damn thing they can do about it. Contracturally they can't force me to start my maternity leave until 36 weeks.

I don't want to be cheesey, but I was reading this morning a book which said that "every pregnancy is different, every baby is different". For some reason that really sprang out at me. We can spend way too much time comparing ourselves to other pregnant women, especially those sailing through blooming and glowing, then going straight from their desk to the labour ward (while frantically mailing from their blackberry in the ambulance!). My over-achieving boss, for example. I just have to keep telling myself- my pregnancy is different!

Another jumper-in!

I'm 29 weeks and am finishing at 34 weeks. When I was planning my dates back in June I thought I was finishing far too early but I am soooooo ready to leave this place. I drive into London so spend about 3hrs in the car every day, have to leave at 6.30am and get home at about 7pm. I also just flop onto the sofa to summon up the energy to crawl up to bed at about 9pm.

What I'm finding the hardest is not so much the physical tiredness but the fact that I don't have time to think. All of my books stress the importance of day-dreaming and I really feel like I'm missing out on that bit as there's no room in my head what with work and clearing out the tons of junk we have accumulated. I'm dying to just lie on the sofa and think about things!

second the every pregnancy is different school of thought, this is my second and the first was a breeze, i left early cos i just hated the job, but this preg is completely completely different, so it isnt even from woman to woman but quite literally every single pregnancy.

Anyone who did finish early - were you bored out of your mind or was it okay?

i was quite bored last time... used to just go for walks (10 mins round the block which took me an hour and a half..) spent the rest the time doing not much, so yes i guess i was bored, but very relaxed.

i cut to half days 4 weeks ago (I am 34 weeks) - it was great and allowed me to plan for the baby much more and have long baths etc. Gave up the half days last week: by which stage i felt pretty ready. (I am a manipulative physiotherapist so was bending over people all day.)
You ahve to do what is right for you, but I did find that cutting the days was very successful and would certainly e a good financial compromise for you by the sounds of it. I instantly felt that I was coping again, when before i most certainly was not.

sometimes the over-acheiving bosses are knackered and really want to give up too!

I'm nearly 30 weeks and feel awful, but as I'm running the company find it really hard to deal with the guilt of sick days, am so worried about how everything will go when I'm not here and I'm not even sure when I'm starting mat leave!

What I'm trying to say I think is that even if there are women looking like they are just getting on with it it may just be that they're not sure if they have a choice, they could be feeling utterly shite too!

am bursting into tears most nights at home - dp is co-director of the company so is under pressure too, and we're having a ton of building work done on our new house which has to be completed before lo arrives, currently the place is rubble...

aagh I'm so sorry to jump in just I really know what it feels like to be judging yourself for struggling - we're all doing bloody well just to get through the days at the moment ladies!

chunky, i feel for you- i run my own business and it was very difficult to step back. I mananged by offloading what i could and only doing the stuff i had to. I will still be keeping an eye on the admin and going in for meetings every week until the baby arrives.

I was off from about week 12 due to 'morning sickness' - my a**e, all day sickness more like. Anyway i was signed off sick by the doctor and following a discussion with HR dept felt it was best for my health to start Mat leave as early as possible ie 29 weeks.

Yes, there are times when i have been soooooooooo bored and crawled the walls, but now that i am near my due date a just don't know where the time has gone.

If you don't feel well get your doctor to sign you off for a few weeks. You are neither us nor ornament if you can't do your job properly IMHO plus your colleageues may resent you being there if you can't work to your full capacity.

thanks Suey! Your strategy sounds good. Think I really need to get something put in place so at least I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can get a bit of rest at some point.

It's just nice to have some people to talk to that understand what this all feels like - my first and none of my staff have kids to no experience of what its like x

I'm 33 weeks, have said I'll work to 38, and really regretting it now! I am a teacher so can't cut hours, it is all or nothing and cover has been arranged for when I go off. Clearly if I were to go early or have complications that meant getting signed off work they would find cover somehow, but right now I feel like I have to keep going. And the reason for working so late is financial, and that certainly hasn't changed!!
I'd say stop if you can and I'll just be jealous!
At 28 weeks though I would prob feel bored too, are reduced hours an option? Good luck!