Scared to be first time mum?

[ChloeR12]

Hey guys. No judgement here please these are genuine concerns!

I'm 23, partner is 24. We're expecting our first child next year. I'm currently 12 weeks.

When we first found out we was very excited etc, I still am. However, I'm worried about so many things that I could just do with some advice on?

I'm worried that when the babies born I may not be able to bond with it? As this happens to some women!

I'm worried I won't be a good mother?

I'm worried that I'll just get annoyed and won't have the patience for them?

I know this all sounds so silly, because we do genuinely want to be parents! I'm just super stressed if what I listed above actually happens...

Did anyone else worry about this type of thing?

All replies appreciated, thank you :)

Congratulations on your happy news!
It’s ok to be a wee bit worried,all the what-ifs, pg it’s a big deal
Get a book,read up, think about names,look online for prams. And take it easy
In all likelihood you’ll be just fine. Honestly. It’s unusual to not bond, and even if it were to happen...it’s fixable

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee thank you!

I think I'm just so scared. I am so loving and want to love my child I'm just scared if I can't cope? Which I don't know why I wouldn't, but it's a worry! X

It’s natural to worry,the scale of it.all the what-ifs. You’ll be fine.It’s a scary,happy time

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee that's what I keep telling myself. I guess it's natural to worry it shows I want to do a good job right? I was at my friends this evening with an extremely naughty toddler so I think that's kind of given my anxiety about having a child also!! X

We have been doing this millions of years,and women are fabulous and resilient
You can do this. You’ll both step up as parents,you’ll learn as you go,you’ll get through it

You probably will feel all those things when baby arrives at some point or another but it will be ok because you just 'do'. Motherhood is very all consuming but it gradually becomes second nature and you won't be able to imagine life without your little one. Don't overthink. Take it one step at a time.

Totally agree @chubbyhotchoc

The one thing they don’t tell you, and you don’t get from all your prep before hand is that the first few months go slow - you have time to learn as you go along.

They check you can feed them ok via bottle or boob (either is fine) before you leave hospital and you can make sure you can do a nappy change before you go. If you’re not sure ask.

After that you have the first bath to contend with - obviously you’ll shit yourself and you and your partner will be terrified through out. And I a couple of weeks you’ll be doing it like a pro.

After that, that’s all it is for ages - feeding changing nappies and baths. In that time you’ll fine your feet, get to know the baby really well and slowly learn the next bits that you need to get a handle on way before you need to be ready for crawling etc. Reading a lot makes you feel you have to know everything before you give birth, just get a handle on the basics and build from there.

There is no reason why you won’t bond, but if it doesn’t happen, be bold in talking to your midwife she is there to support through all of it and will be on hand, you won’t be alone and this time next year you’ll be on here giving people tips 😀

Do not over plan,accommodate multiple options,as plans can and do change
Everyone has a birth story,and that’s their story,you’ll have yours
Don’t sweat it about bottle or breastfeeding. So long as you feed your baby it really doesn’t matter. Honestly

@ChloeR12

I am not the maternal type. Our baby was planned and having had a MC before we are even more aware of how lucky we are and how wanted this baby is.
But still, I felt like you at times but i have to say when we found out the sex and then we i started feeling her move everything changed.
It's like the love for her is growing daily and i know i will do my very best to make her happy and care for her and love her.
It's weird! Because as i said i am not normally that person but you will surprise yourself i am sure!

Also, at birth you might not feel the connection or rush of love and that's also normal from what I read. So don't panick if it happens...
And i think patience we will have to learn (well i will at least!)

I completely understand your concerns about bonding. My mother was very emotionally detached and my biggest worry is that I will accidentally be that way too - it’s all I know so what if I don’t even realise I’m doing it?!

After we decided to try, I actually had 3 months of counselling before we then conceived. It was incredible and has put so many of my worries to rest, if this option is available to you it’s well worth considering - this is a massive change to your life and sometimes you just need a little hand hold.

But mainly just focus on the fact that if you are emotionally aware enough to have the worries you’ve expressed now then you will also be aware if you do fall into the patterns you want to avoid. It sounds like you’re very honest with yourself, combine that with wanting to learn a different way to handle the situation and you shouldn’t have any concerns! Trust yourself xx