Sex in the first trimester

[pringlebells]

Hi,

But of backstory, I have a DS conceived via ivf with icsi (4 years trying, DH had poor motility and low sperm count and poor quality) doctor said our chances of conceiving naturally were 3%

Fast forward to 2020, we had our son last year and subsequently we've conceived naturist twice. Our last pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage. I don't know why, happened at 9 weeks and baby was measuring 6

This time I'm now 4.5 and would love to DTD with DH but he's terrified I'll have a miscarriage. Obviously he's still affectionate with me, but sex seems to be off the cards.

I don't want to harm the baby, do you think it's fine to have sex?

My midwife appt isn't until January

NHS says it's fine - you should look it up if you want a reliable source. But I guess you both have to want to? Also I've read that there's a chance you could get a small amount of bleeding after due to irritation - it's not a problem for your pregnancy but could be worrying to you or DH. Honestly I felt so sick and bloated that this wasn't even a consideration for me!

Of course it's fine unless a doctor or midwife specifically tells you otherwise due to bleeding or risk factors. How do you think sex could harm a baby, actually an embryo/foetus?

As PP said, the guidance said its fine. I also asked the midwife if it was fine and she encouraged it - she said it maintains the bond with your partner and also helps soften the cervix which should ease childbirth.

Up until the early second trimester, I bled a few times after having sex. The first couple of times was scary and whilst I was less worried as time had gone on, I still couldn’t rule out in my head that the bleeding was sex related rather than something wrong with the baby.

I’m 8+3 and both times I’ve been pregnant i had weird cramps after sex so I’ve only done it twice this time around as last time ended in miscarriage. I know science says it’s not a cause but the cramps make me nervous.

We DTD during my first pregnancy after we'd seen a heart beat on a 6 week scan, but after what happened with the second pregnancy we feel uneasy. That said, I feel like we need the intimacy and it will be good for us

It will almost certainly be fine but if one or both of you are seriously apprehensive then perhaps best not to for now. Imagine the emotional fallout if, god forbid, something did happen, even if it wasn't caused by you having sex. There are plenty of ways to enjoy intimacy without having full penetrative sex.

I doesn’t harm the baby but many people feel weird about it. At first I had weeks of cramps and so that put me off and I think DH was happy about that as he did feel weird about it but didn’t want to admit it. Then when I started to have less cramps I had some spotting and that made me the paranoid one. Although I know it doesn’t hurt the baby I still can’t feel normal about it, plus it can irritate your cervix and cause spotting. After the stress I had over spotting the first time I just don’t want to have that again through my own doing.

Maybe I will feel better about it in the second trimester but who knows.

I just don't get what you cant not have sex for a few months? Is it really worth the worry? Never understand this, with everything else going on in your body and mind early pregnancy that having sex is so much of a priority.

It's fine to have sex but if he doesn't want to that's also fine!

It won't hurt the baby at all. I can understand you both being nervous about it though. Have you talked about different positions? Not to get into TMI territory but does he think he's going to squish the baby if he's on top or something (I'm cringing asking this, I'm sorry!)? If that is the case, perhaps try another position where you're not so 'close together' would make you both feel more comfortable? A bit of foreplay could be a good way to ease into things too!

@sundowners I don't have to justify myself to you

If he's not fully happy maybe try other things instead of full blown sex, lots of oral ? Work ur way up 2 penetration, he may feel better after you've had ur first scan xx

@sundowners

That is an extremely unhelpful comment.

There is nothing wrong with having sex when pregnant, and if a couple want to, then they can and should. I’m sorry that your sex life sounds like a chore, but you don’t need to be so negative to others.

@sundowners what a stupid comment sex doesn’t cause harm in pregnancy (unless a doctor / midwife has specifically advised against it) and intimacy is important for most couples.

OP I am 7w pregnant and have the same worries after 2 miscarriages earlier this year. We did have sex those times so ofcourse we are worried about it this time, even though the Doctors and midwife say it's not related. It's normal to be worried about having sex during the first trimester. We haven't yet this time but that's not for logical reasons but just so we can rule it out as a cause if I miscarriage again. Xx

Hi OP, totally understand the worry and how difficult it is not to be on the same page as OH.

I had lots of bleeding with my first pregnancy so we ended up avoiding sex the entire way through, even though doctors told me early on all should be fine. (And the dry spell carried on for nearly a year after due to discomfort with stitches...!)

I’m now in third trimester with no. 2 and although I’ve had no bleeding (and issue that probably caused it was treated pre-pregnancy), DH still not comfortable trying so again facing a year + of nothing. Does nothing for the confidence or the relationship generally, but don’t want to pressure him into it when he’s clearly unhappy 🤷‍♀️ and TBH by this point I don’t think I’d be up for it anyway

Hope you and your partner find a better resolution than we did!

My poor OH, i haven't felt like doing anything like that for weeks. I initially said that I wanted to wait until six weeks so that if I did bleed, we could have everything checked out at the EPU.

My midwife told me on the phone that it's fine to have sex but if I bleed she would ask me to refrain from doing it again until after the end of the pregnancy - but this is the first i've heard this advice.