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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What is up with everyone asking whether this pregnancy is planned or not?

21 replies

ShalomToYouJackie · 16/12/2020 19:09

I'm 20 weeks pregnant, I've been and out of hospital a lot lately with kidney problems and nearly every member of staff who has seen me has asked me if my baby is planned or not. I've also had my GP receptionist ask me, in a friendly chatty way, but it seems such a weird thing to ask somebody? It doesn't bother me it's just something I've noticed is asked a lot.

Has anybody else experienced this?

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FTMF30 · 16/12/2020 19:11

I assume it's because we're in a pandemic. I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant and I'm actually dreading telling people and the questions it will bring.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 16/12/2020 19:13

Just say you aren't sure how it happened... One night your dh tripped and his parsnip just fell in.
*not disrespectful of your fanjo op..
**Parsnip is THE new penis description in our house!!

Original poster

ShalomToYouJackie · 16/12/2020 19:28

@FTMF30 congratulations! Yes, I think maybe you're right. I mean I could've absolutely waited until life had started returning back to normal to continue TTC but I was still struggling with a previous MC and didn't really want to wait.

I do think it's a bit of an intrusive question to ask, what if you're asking someone who's pregnant as a result of an assault or something whether their pregnancy is planned? Maybe I'm overthinking it.

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Original poster

ShalomToYouJackie · 16/12/2020 19:29

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Parsnip next time somebody asks I'll try 'I don't know how it happened'

OP posts:

HeyDW96 · 16/12/2020 19:29

I posted about this not that long ago. Seems to be the done thing that everyone asks you wether the baby was planned or not, wether you know them well or if they're just work colleagues. I find it infuriating to be honest and so invasive. I've never asked anyone that question, so awkward.

Emelene · 16/12/2020 19:33

I really dislike this question from acquaintances etc and agree it is rude and intrusive.

I think it can be relevant from midwives or health professionals in certain contexts as there is a potential emotional / mental health impact from an unplanned pregnancy.

SunnySideUp2020 · 16/12/2020 20:34

Never had anyone asked but this is such an intrusive question.
Unless it's your MW asking i don't see the point.
What difference does it make? Planned or not?
Like yeah we were having sex every other day for months trying 😊
Or
No not planned i really didn't want a baby

?! I don't get it.

FTMF30 · 16/12/2020 20:50

@shalomtoyoujackie Congratulations to you too😊.

You're not overthinking it. It is rude, no matter the current climate. It's weird that so many people don't realise that.

adogisforlife91 · 17/12/2020 05:11

What's annoying me more at the moment is 'ohh Lockdown baby!' or 'haha you've been busy in lockdown eh?' as if we've been at it like rabbits all day everyday for fun, rather than trying to get DP in the mood on the right day after 6 13 hour days!!

footprintsintheslow · 17/12/2020 05:59

@Emelene

I really dislike this question from acquaintances etc and agree it is rude and intrusive.

I think it can be relevant from midwives or health professionals in certain contexts as there is a potential emotional / mental health impact from an unplanned pregnancy.

Totally agree as it depends who is asking. I wouldn't count the receptionist as someone who needs to know though.

I would come up with a set reply to those who don't need to know and are just being nosey. Something that makes them squirm and think about why they asked.
Maybe "that's a funny question to ask me" and then just calmly smile and let the silence hang a little too long. Their toes will curl and you'll be laughing inside.

shelbyrae · 17/12/2020 07:26

That's such a weird question! What are you supposed to say? 'No still don't know how it happened..'

FrostedCupcake · 17/12/2020 08:49

I was asked this by everyone with my second. My first was IVF and I was open during treatment. my second one was natural and a surprise, I wouldn't say unplanned as we didn't think it was possible but decided not to use contraception and if it happens it happens, to say we were shocked is an understatement. So when I was asked that question I say no. It ends the conversation quite abruptly. Makes people feel awkward so hopefully they think twice about asking other people the same question! I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be struggling with an unplanned pregnancy and having people be so insensitive!!

EdithGrantham · 17/12/2020 15:00

I've been putting off having children for years and finally decided to take the plunge and now pregnant. We've not announced it to anyone yet but fully expecting this question, our theoretical responses so far are "No, it was an accident" (with sad/disappointed faces for maximum awkwardness)
"No, we only ever do it in the bum so no idea how it happened"
Or "I'd planned it but DH wasn't keen so I took a lover"

PurplePansy05 · 17/12/2020 15:04

No one's asked me yet and they probably won't as I'm a recurrent miscarrier.

I'd respond with saying "Would you like to see my ovulation diary and check yourself?", that would teach them nosey gits.

calimommy · 17/12/2020 15:16

I usually pause and say "pardon?" It gives them a chance to be embarrassed, which they should be and then scramble to explain themselves to ask it in a different manner, if they insist.
The person asking absolutely makes a difference: if it is a health care provider then yes it is part of their job. If not then I don't care if they think I am rude, they were much ruder by asking!

anniebu · 18/12/2020 03:38

@EdithGrantham Love your set answers!

Mochatatts · 18/12/2020 04:29

I'm 32wks pregnant with our first baby, aged 39. We both have 2 sons from previous relationships. I was asked if she was planned. If I remember rightly I was asked the same with at least one of my boys if not both, they're 12 and 9. I was in a long term relationship with their father.
People just become the noisiest when pregnancy is mentioned. Like some how they have every right to know the where and why of the conception. And most have an opinion then on your size, birthing choices, feeding choices etc like they have a right to an input. Its ridiculous x

EdithGrantham · 18/12/2020 10:14

Thanks @anniebu, DH has also suggested we just don't announce the pregnancy and wait for people to have to awkwardly ask then act all offended "No, I've just put on a bit of weight!"

JemimaTiggywinkle · 18/12/2020 10:19

Completely inappropriate question to ask anyone.

Are you quite young? Is that why they feel they’re entitled to ask?

I’m 30 and only one person (a friend) has asked me.. and I found that completely bizarre. Even if it wasn’t planned I might not want people to know!

grey12 · 18/12/2020 12:50

Got pregnant in January and people kept telling me to make the baby wait until 2021 were they suggesting an abortion???!!!!

TisTheSeasonToEatLots · 18/12/2020 13:07

The only person who asked this was my mil when we told her we were expecting our first child. It was so so rude. We’d been together for 10 years at the time and had just got engaged, we decided to have a baby during the engagement as we were already early 30s rather than waiting nearly another 2 years before even getting pregnant (we knew we’d ideally liked 3 children so we needed to get cracking, I had no idea if I could get pregnant or not as I’d never tried or been pregnant). I was just so taken aback, she actually said “how did this happen, was it planned?” like it was a terrible thing and other rather rude things, totally bizarre considering we were early 30s had bought a house together etc etc. I just didn’t want to tell her when we were expecting number 2 and 3 I said to my husband she’ll only have something rude to say or again ask how it happened 🤣. Maybe she needed a diagram or something?

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