broken after Termination

[Lost118]

I'm so broken after termination, I cannot eat, sleep, watch t.v I just cannot do anything at all!
I would lie in bed everyday if I could, I mean I don't even bother having a wash or brushing my hair
I am struggling with work
I feel suicidal but will not act on it as I have 2 children.
I fell pregnant on copper coil it was a huge shock and just about coped after the termination.
But then I fell pregnant again as I couldn't access contraceptive services I really wanted this baby, but I had to have a termination as I had been really stupid. I mean really stupid! please don't judge me but I had been so all over the place I had been with someone else.
So I gritted my teeth and went through it, as he was married with a family and it would have been a disaster so I tried to dot he right thing. it was horrendous!
I am now desperately trying for another baby to put this whole situation right and move forward and its not happening. I feel like a vile person who does not deserve anything let alone the joy of another baby after what I have done. If it wasn't for my 2 beautiful children I would curl into a ball and die. I honestly don't know how to move forward, if I could just fall pregnant then I think I would be okay I would feel like I'm putting this right. But then I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like the most awful human being in the whole wide world!

I really don't think trying for another baby will help you mentally recover for getting rid of the other 2 pregnancies. You need help to sort your mental health first then maybe think about another baby.

I agree with the above comment. I think it's common to think things will be better if you could just achieve one thing. Usually, it doesn't fix the mental health issues. I think you should try to seek mental health services. Best wishes with going forward.

Try contacting mental health services, your GP can put you in touch with some. You really need to try to come to terms with the previous terminations, having another baby now is quite likely to make your problems worse and you’d be at a higher risk for PND

So sad, but another baby will not fix this and its not fair to bring a baby into the world while you are feeling like this.

Can I ask you something OP, why try for another baby after previous terminations, surely you should have been grateful that you got pregnant but now you feel guilty cause you terminated it? Selfish to want to bring a bag into this world to try and fix your problems

Hi op so sorry you are understandably feeling so rotten...

But you now need to Stop....no trying for another baby, why?

It will not take the loss away, you need counselling and time to gradually forgive and accept yourself. That is the only way to feel better.

You have 2 lovely Dcs who need their mum to focus on them, they deserve the best of you, and your first duty is to you, and then close behind to them.

If l were you l would stop having sex right now if you are not with anyone, make a plan of help from friends, family and a counsellor, for the next 6 months, and any spare time to do activities with Dcs, even if just a cuddle and movie, nothing taxing.

If you are not married then have 6 months off men, and work on yourself, your grief over the terminations, (remember you chose this for good reasons) acceptance and improving your MH, by good care for yourself.Then set your future boundaries, get iron clad contraception in place, before starting anything new.

I know how you feel. I had a termination after falling pregnant while using the coil too! I was 38 and had two pre-teen children. My husband was adamant he didn’t want another child and brought extreme pressure to bear in order to get me to terminate the pregnancy. He told me our marriage would not survive if I had the baby.
I knew it was the wrong decision but I went ahead with the termination. I have NEVER forgiven myself (or him) and I cried rivers of tears of regret. I didn’t protect my own baby.
Immediately after, I too tried my best to get pregnant again. I wanted to have a second chance I suppose. To put things right. In hindsight, I’m now glad I didn’t get pregnant again as that would have just made things messier and would have involved another innocent soul. I’m 64 now and I’ve never forgotten or stopped regretting my lost baby. But he has a name and a birthdate.
You have to accept that the decision you took was right for you at the time and for the situation you were in but, please, don’t chase the dream that another baby will heal the hurt. You need to let yourself heal first and then you can decide, rationally and calmly, if another child is the right decision.

@missymoo6 I teared up reading that, so sorry you went through that.

Sorry but having another baby isn't going to magically fix this? I hate to say it but you are doing the ones you terminated a disservice by trying to replace them so quickly? Not to mention presumably the NHS resources you accessed for treatment?

You need to take a break from all of this and remember why you made the decisions you did. Terminations aren't done instantly - you would have been given time and counselling before making the final decision to go ahead and you need to reflect on this.

@Lost118 I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I think the best thing to do, right now, is to come to terms with the last few months and accept that you've made some difficult decisions in less than ideal circumstances. Once you've done that, you can think about the future.

Hang in there

Jesus Christ you've just had two terminations and now you want to conceive again?! I'm pro choice but reading this... horrified.