Unplanned pregnancy...

8 replies

Ajjxx · 14/12/2020 20:42

So I have today found out I'm expecting baby no4.. we already have an almost 10 year old, an 8 year old and an 8 month old, this was completely unplanned and has come as a bit of a shock. I am in two minds and really don't know what would be best. I don't know if I could cope with 2 under 2's again (there's 21 months between my eldest 2, and there would be around 17 months between 3&4) I'm not as young as I was back then, which carries its own risks obviously. My oh is also in shock and has been adamant that he doesn't want 4 children, he didn't really want 3, was happy with 2 but he adores no3 and wouldn't be without her now, and I know he would be the same with no4, as I would but I just don't know what to do for the best. My 8 yo did not cope well when I was pregnant with no3 (he has ADHD and other issues) we recently relocated and he has settled amazingly and I worry that this would set him back again. I would love to have this baby but I'm just not sure it's going to be best for all of us... I'm really torn, can anyone sympathise/been in a similar situation? Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Nsky · 14/12/2020 21:08

Difficult to decide, only you know, and not only about your child with issues

shelbyrae · 16/12/2020 07:48

Purely from my experience I feel that once it's actually happened if there are no major issues I will go ahead, because all the logistics and practicalities sort themselves out and even if it's not the plan, once that baby arrives it's like you don't know what you would have done without them. Whereas making the decision not to go ahead can carry a lot of sadness and regret after.

Again I'm speaking purely from my own experience, it's every person's choice and I'm sure some people don't feel like that.

Girlmum91 · 16/12/2020 12:45

Sounds like you have and would have a lot to cope with but I think you have answered your own question with "I would love to have this baby" and "he adores no3.. I know he would be the same with no4". Good luck with making your decision. If you decide to continue, perhaps your husband could consider getting the snip?

Original poster

Ajjxx · 16/12/2020 17:55

He's been on the waiting list for the snip since no3 was born... He's been working a way but is back tonight so we are going to have a proper chat about our options etc later x

OP posts:

MsFrog · 16/12/2020 18:34

Sounds like a lot to cope with, and just because you probably could cope and because you'd obviously love the baby, it doesn't mean you have to go through with it. If you decide the stress would be too much, or you feel your family is best the way you are, then it's okay to end the pregnancy. Hope you're ok, OP, it's a really hard position to be in

Yoshinori · 16/12/2020 18:35

I really don’t understand how this happens. It’s probably besides the point but condoms???

kirinm · 16/12/2020 19:30

@Yoshinori

I really don’t understand how this happens. It’s probably besides the point but condoms???

It is besides the point. Why bother posting?

Disco91 · 16/12/2020 19:44

My parents had a similar age gap to you (9 year old, 7 year old and a newborn) and they regret sometimes not having a fourth. On the plus side a fourth baby would be a playmate for your youngest. Also if your eldest two leave home at a similar time to go to uni or get a job you’ll have someone to keep the third company. My brother (the youngest of the three) is still at home at 23 and throughout his childhood has been like an only child due to the age gap. He didn’t have half as much fun as I did growing up with a close in age sibling.

On the downside you’ll probably need a new car, need to pay another set of nursery fees if you work and another mouth to feed.

Really tough choice, you have my sympathy xx

Flip