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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Surprise 4th pregnancy, struggling with next steps......

10 replies

katiessam66 · 12/12/2020 18:30

Apologies for the long post. I am 42 years old with 3 DC (3-9) and have just discovered I am pregnant despite being on BC. I am just getting back on top of full-time work and trying to finish the next level of certification that will allow me to continue in my job and DH is freelance, with work being precarious right now. I am just really torn as while we hadn't yet locked the door as it were(vasectomy apt on cards), we had just about closed it on having more DC. I feel like an idiot and am just worried about negatively impacting the DC we do have(through my health, money, etc.). It often feels like we are just hanging on as we have no family around and, while we have some financial stability, a 4th would be a stretch especially if we want to provide DC with good education (secondary school options crap) or support them with Uni later on. However, under different circumstances (more financial security, support, me being younger), this wouldn't be such an unwelcome surprise. I do also wonder about my ability to go through with medical termination as, having started the phone calls, I am so upset but I am sure the majority of women are. DH says he is supportive no matter what although I think he would be delighted with another(he is generally overoptimistic!). Just feeling heartbroken at the situation and needed somewhere to put this. Any perspective from those who have managed to juggle a 4th and work etc. and those who decided to keep their family at 5 would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Fartymcfart · 12/12/2020 20:05

Sorry, no advice

I am in the same boat, though my other 3 are slightly older (11-6). I go from thinking cute little squishy baby to om told old and fat to have another.

So far I've done nothing!

katiessam66 · 12/12/2020 20:24

Thanks for posting. It is some comfort to know I am not so quite alone!

It is hard not to feel a bit paralyzed by the pressure of it and the pure indecision. Squishy babies are so lovely but lord we are tired! Hoping we both get some clarity in the coming days!

OP posts:
Grumpy19 · 12/12/2020 20:45

Hi. I'm 37 (about to turn 38) and unexpectedly expecting DC4 in January. I was on bc so it was a big shock. My others are 7 -10 years old.
After a few weeks we decided that we could make it work for us and that the alternative, was not something we could have got passed.
We are all very excited about meeting our new arrival now but it did take time and we know it will be tough with 4.

We were going to build an extension, that has been scrapped for moving. My car, which was on its last legs, had been upgraded to a 7 seater.

Good luck with your decision making. There is no easy option sadly but I would vote for following your heart. A lot of our 'head/ logical/no ' reasons we have already worked around.

MrsDeadlock · 12/12/2020 20:50

Not the same at all, but...I have 2DC and have promised myself that there will he no third. I'm on the coil but if that failed I hope to gods I could go through with a termination.

I just couldn't have another DC, physically or mentally. Although we could cope economically.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision.

Izzadoraduncancan · 12/12/2020 20:52

We ended up in this situation with no 5. Unsure, self employed DH. We went ahead... in fact we chose to have no 6.

Aquicknamechange2019 · 12/12/2020 21:01

I'm 33 weeks with my surprise DC4. I'm 43, and my older children are 9, 6 and 3. I had just started a new job when we found out, so that's been a bit challenging! We went through the "can we afford another baby, what about the 3 children we have" etc discussions but in the end it was a fairly straightforward decision for us to go ahead.

I think you will know deep down what's right for you and your family.

Teakind · 12/12/2020 21:03

I think you have to follow your heart here. How would you feel if you miscarried? Relieved or devastated? I realise that's a blunt way of looking at it but could be quite telling.

katiessam66 · 12/12/2020 22:47

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply!!! It is really helpful to hear how you have processed the unexpected and the support to focus on finding a decision that is right for us means a lot. I think I am def still in panic/shock rather than problem solving mode in regards to how we might manage if we do go ahead and I think that makes it hard not to feel like if I miscarried at this point I wouldn’t just feel relieved but I know it would be mixed with sadness and what ifs. It all feels a mess but apparently not an entirely uncommon one as feared.
Telling work and their response to yet another maternity leave and the potential knock on effects is stressing me out
especially , It seems taking some deep breaths and breaking options down a bit more is the next step.

OP posts:
Fartymcfart · 04/02/2021 18:58

Hi @katiessam66 did you make a

Fartymcfart · 04/02/2021 18:59

Ops sorry... decision?

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