Gambling help

[Lou1011]

Hi ladies. I need people to talk to. My partner has always been a gambler but when we met it wasnt much. Last 2 months hes contributed nothing to the house and borrowed from my savings. I just need people to talk to. Im so down, i dont want us to split up because i feel when the baby comes he will settle down as when he isnt gambling hes lovely. His family go on about getting him help but then dont even speak to us much. I cant tell my family as its embarrassing. Weve only been together 10 months and i got pregnant after 4 after being told im infertile, yet when hes angry he says i trapped him. Ive bought his and his families presents but hes got me nothing for xmas. Im getting so down and feel so alone, hes mentally abusive everyday when hes betting. Are there any ladies i can just vent to please, a lot of my friends abandoned me when i got pregnant so im so alone x x

Gosh I’m so sorry. That sounds like a lot to deal with. Hope your pregnancy ok. Can you contact one of the gambling charities? They may have helplines you can call:

However, you won’t be able to fix your partner’s problem - you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t fix it. He will need to recognise he has an issue and get help.

Until he does, and he might not ever get help, you might need to consider that you and your baby would be safer without him.

Check he doesn’t have access to any of your money, or it will be spent.

This does sound really hard - I don’t know your BF, but some of what you said I think are some serious red flags (borrowing from savings, no contribution to house and telling you you’ve ‘trapped’ him, mentally abusive) none of that is right and you shouldn’t have to be dealing with this.

Gambling is an addiction and he will need help to get over this & change his ways and hopefully his perspective on how to treat you.

It must be really hard if you feel like some of your friends have abandoned you and especially at a time in your life when you need support... but it seems like you can’t relay on your BF at all for the support & help you need. Are your family supportive? I know you said it’s embarrassing, but you need to try and build yourself a support network.

I know this will be hard to hear, but not splitting up with him on the basis that you think he will settle down when the baby comes, sounds like a really bad idea to me. He needs to prove this to you BEFORE the baby comes. You need to put yourself and your baby first.

I think like the above post says, you should look at gambling support charities and maybe even somewhere like Women’s Aid so you can get some support for yourself?

Sorry you are going through this. Xx

He is a gambler. He isn't happy about the pregnancy. If you think once the baby comes that he'll suddenly turn over a new leaf then I'm sorry but you're in for a disappointment.

Cut your losses. Put your child first. Otherwise, you'll be the person still posting here in years to come, wondering why things are still bad and you have no money and he's in debt and gambled your rent or mortgage away from you. He won't change. Walk away and focus on your baby.

Get rid

Of the man not the baby (should have made that clearer lol). Focus on you and the baby and get rid of him x

Nothing is improving until he realised it's a problem and then wanted to get help for it.

It's an addiction - there is no way of him being able to gamble sensibly, it's just not part of the condition. It's all or nothing I'm afraid - he needs to want to give it up and accept the work involved to do so and then take it one day at a time from there.
I know a (former) gambler and even he says, even though it's been over 10 years since he gambled even a penny, he's only ever one day from gambling.

It's absolutely not something he can just switch off when the baby arrives and suddenly be ok, it's just not that simple with addiction.

You need to work out whether you want to stay with him until he (hopefully) realises and then support him through help, all the while knowing he may well not, or walk away and make a new life for you and your baby.

IME this only ends one way. With a break up. But usually one as a single parent, in mountains of debt and homeless/vulnerably housed because of the debts he's got you in. Get out now before it's the roof over your babies head he's gambling

Oh OP I’m so sorry, but he’s not going to change when the baby comes. If he’d been happy and excited about the pregnancy there would have been a chance, because he would have wanted to. If he’s saying he’s feeling trapped then he’s going to feel some kind of escape through the gambling. You are best off getting away from him in order to protect yourself and your baby’s future.
Have a look on the pregnancy boards for other ladies due around the same time as you, you’ll make new mum friends in no time

I’ve been there. I got rid. This sounds so familiar to what happened to me. The “borrowing” money from my savings to help fund his addiction (it progressed to stealing money from my purse and sneaking out my cards to withdraw money from my bank) and being mentally abusive etc. Only difference is I was married to the guy. It took every bit of strength I had to leave. You’ve been together for 10 months - get out while you can. Having a baby won’t suddenly make him change, and nothing you do will ever make him change. You need to put your baby first. Sorry to be so blunt but it will prevent a lot of heartache in the future.

Speaking from experience, he will not change when baby comes, sorry! My ex was the same, I was with him 3 years and things just got progressively worse .. but i feel like I could have wrote your story, the "borrowing" savings, not paying into the house, no care for anyone but himself... or where he was going to get his next bit of money just to blow on another losing bet & constantly having his debts worrying me while he hadnt a care in the world! I always had the "he'll change when..." in my head. Thankfully, there is no baby involved in my story & I am rid of him 3 years, with a new partner & we are expecting our first baby together and Ive never been happier! Please do whats right for you and your baby and leave him while you can, gambling is one of the worst addictions to overcome & its all to readily available for people now. And unfortunately it will be you left with the mess to sort out because he probably doesnt think he has that big of a problem, its not worth the stress xx