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Original poster

Leaving hospital without car-seat....

136 replies

Dacdevdhi · 12/12/2020 12:08

Hello all
I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd, and with the 1st two I took a taxi home, and had them in a car seat.
This time round I wish to take the 3rd home in a baby carrier and get train back. As not only will it be quicker, its also a hell of a lot cheaper than a taxi/cab.
Would it be possible to do that, as don't want to have to get a car seat I won't be using again, as I don't drive.
Will be coming from St Mary's - Paddington

Thanks

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olderthanyouthink · 12/12/2020 22:34

I walked out of St Thomas's with DD in my arms and went to a taxi rank and DP held her on the way back. I held her on the blue light ride in. (Inner) London hospitals are used to people not having cars I think

Not ideal but both were legal (family was supposed to be buying and car seat and then were being arsey about it Hmm)

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 12/12/2020 22:34

A midwife didn’t even walk down with me. Healthcare wheeled my baby down in a cot thing. Saw my DH was waiting in car park (he was only allowed this far, cheers covid!) handed me baby and marched back up to ward again. No one would have had a clue how we got him home. (By car in a car seat as it happens!)

@Dacdevdhi what if you need major surgery section or tear? Would you be up for that journey? Is partner happy to sling baby? I would go that option I think? Borrow friends car seat on stand by just incase? There is no way I could have walked and carried my baby after delivery. Had a degree tear and a shit ton of stitches done in theatre. I did carry in a stretchy as soon as when nine though

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 12/12/2020 22:38

*It's your baby and you can go wherever the hell you like with it.

Not if it's deemed neglect, abuse, etc. You can't.*

Again, you are veering off topic to deflect from the point of your original statement. We aren't talking about abuse here, otherwise there would be grounds for calling in the duty social worker and relevant authorities and looking to go down a certain route in regards to the alleged abuse. However we are talking about the single topic (not pertaining to abuse or other issues) of the average parent wanting to take their baby home without a car seat. You state that they will be illegally depriving you of your freedom ie locking ward doors, and requesting court orders, police presence etc (as that would be the only way they could prevent you and baby from leaving the ward) all for mum not having a car seat. That doesn't happen. You can veer off course onto other topics ie troubled families where abuse and neglect all you like and obviously there would be justifications for safeguarding concerns being raised in regard to those issues. However that's a totally separate topic from that your average parent simply not having a car seat.

AurorasGingerbreadHouse · 12/12/2020 22:41

I never said they would be overly concerned about a pram. A pram in a taxi is acceptable at most hospitals, anyway. I said public transport/babe in arms/sling. The reason that's a risk is that you could fall on the tube, you could bang babies head if the bus jolted, etc. Also if mum faints etc. It doesn't look like good safety planning at all and could trigger it to go down the safeguarding root (which can be incredibly quick regarding newborns in hospital).

If another incident happened then that could look like a pattern to social services, which could lead to child protection meetings etc. Concerns can be very hard to shake. So why risk triggering them at all? Why start your child's life with a cloud over them if you don't have to?

AurorasGingerbreadHouse · 12/12/2020 22:46

Not having an appropriate way to take your baby home could be seen as neglect yes. And for the women I know who had negative experiences because they tried to leave without car seats, they were told they could not leave the ward and had follow up by social services. Not my opinion. I have also seen what happens when a parent raises their voice while disagreeing with medical opinions of a newborn (which could happen if they try to stop you leaving without a car seat or threaten social services). You can try to tell me that doesn't happen to nice normal families. Most nice normal families don't try to take their child home without a safe way of transporting them or go against hospital policy. I have experience of what happens when families do. As I said, maybe it's because they were younger mums and working class, but it did happen.

Sheera1 · 12/12/2020 22:49

No-one saw us leaving the hospital. Could have left carrying him in an inflatable banana. Expected to say bye but no-one about.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 12/12/2020 23:03

Goodness me. You really would argue black is white until you're blue in the face, wouldn't you? You're wrong. There is nothing else to say and there is no point in discussing anything further with you. Hilarious.

I suggest you work on your ability to admit or at least graciously back down when you're wrong, it'll stand you in good stead in life. Unless you're a politician...

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 12/12/2020 23:04

"but it did happen.". No, it really didn't.

AurorasGingerbreadHouse · 12/12/2020 23:18

What do you think I'm getting out of arguing? I was sharing my experience and that of women I know, not because I felt like a row but because I thought it might help the OP. Having realised that what happened in those situations was probably illegal (for 3 women in 3 different hospitals btw) I am realising just how wrong and unacceptable those situations were. I hadn't thought about it in a long time. Probably too late for complaints etc. now but wow, there really are some situations where staff will lie and bully people aren't there?

By all means if it helps you to sleep at night thinking shit like that doesn't happen, I envy you. I would love to live in a world where I could blindly trust that safeguarding isn't weaponised against some women on the basis of social profiling and car seats. That the state doesn't lie to or mislead mothers about their rights to leave hospital with their baby.

I didnr think what I was saying was radical or contrary, they are just facts for me. I can't make them not so to conform to the hive mind narrative. Sorry

Topseyt · 12/12/2020 23:24

@AurorasGingerbreadHouse

They can't physically restrain you but they can lock the doors!
Nonsense. Maternity wards are not prisons. Locking the doors like that would risk accusations of false imprisonment and would be a very sticky wicket indeed.

You do make it sound as though midwives are racing around locking doors and seeking emergency court orders by every 5 minutes. They aren't.

Nobody paid even the slightest bit of attention to how I was transporting any of my three even though my youngest was slightly pre-term and apparently they just liked to keep such babies until 6 weeks post-term. There was nothing whatsoever wrong with either DD or with me so I insisted on going home.

Midwives were not racing around willy nilly locking doors and phoning lawyers.

Hospitals have no power to stop you leaving and it is only under fairly uncommon and very specific circumstances that they might try to keep the baby

AnneElliott · 12/12/2020 23:29

I agree they can't stop you - but yes some HCPs will try and tell you they can.

They either need a court order or a police officer of Inspector rank or above to take the child into police protective custody.

Locking the doors is unlawful deprivation of Liberty and I can't imagine them trying this without significant other concerns

AurorasGingerbreadHouse · 12/12/2020 23:32

I never said it was common. But it can happen.

In the hospital where I had one of my children you had to be "beeped" out the ward doors and could not take baby off the ward until they had been approved by the Doctor. The Doctor had been called to emergencies, so I had to leave my newborn in order to use my phone outside (no signal in the ward). That was pre covid so they allowed a midwife to watch my baby. Even once baby was signed off by doctors, I tried to leave the ward with baby in the car seat and they wanted to know my travel arrangements before "beeping" me out. Because of my friends' experiences I assumed I was not allowed to leave without following those policies. Maybe I was wrong. But certainly everyone there thought you had to have a car seat and could not leave the ward with the baby if they hadn't been approved to by medical staff.

AurorasGingerbreadHouse · 12/12/2020 23:32

They wouldn't discharge us until I explained our home journey and that I could use the car seat either. That was with my third child and I was not young!

AurorasGingerbreadHouse · 12/12/2020 23:36

I believe most maternity wards are Locked for security and privacy. So it's not just about them being able to lock the doors, but them being difficult about opening the doors IYSWIM.

When I had my first baby my midwife told me to bring a car seat and have a lift planned to get home (as she knew I didn't drive). She explained to me that this would cause problems otherwise (no other risk factors of whatever, but I was told it could trigger referral to the hospitals social work team, which is what happened to my friend 6 months previously)

pinkpetal2 · 12/12/2020 23:41

When I had my last baby in December 2019 they wouldn't allow us to leave until my husband brought the car seat up. That's in St Helier Surrey.

Bromeliad · 13/12/2020 06:15

I carried my baby out in April this year, no-one said anything and we were waved off by the staff. No drama, even in Covid times!

ReadySteadyBed · 13/12/2020 08:52

@ivfbeenbusy

Also not sure about taking a newborn on public transport......
I’m reading this thread for gems like this ⬆️ 🤦🏻‍♀️
Grumpy19 · 13/12/2020 09:05

@AurorasGingerbreadHouse which hospital were you at?

Queenbee95 · 13/12/2020 09:05

With my 2nd born (in 2018) I had trouble leaving - my brother was supposed to be coming to pick me up (he had my car seat) but he was really late. The midwife offered to call me a taxi and ask if it would be ok for me to hold baby in taxi as I didn’t have a car seat with me... so I’d say they probably wouldn’t mind you leaving without one

ivfbeenbusy · 13/12/2020 09:14

@ReadySteadyBed

Yeah not like we are in a pandemic or anything! Where people are advised to stay home and travel only when necessary???? 🤔

DappledThings · 13/12/2020 09:15

Where people are advised to stay home and travel only when necessary????
What part of getting home from hospital is unnecessary?

OllietheOwl · 13/12/2020 09:18

We walked DD home after a 2 week NICU/SCBU stay in her pram on a warm September’s day, it was lovely!

ReadySteadyBed · 13/12/2020 09:21

[quote ivfbeenbusy]@ReadySteadyBed

Yeah not like we are in a pandemic or anything! Where people are advised to stay home and travel only when necessary???? 🤔[/quote]
Do you hear yourself?! 😂

She can’t live at the hospital until the pandemic is over so in a world where common sense prevails (you’re clearly not part of that world).....travelling home would be necessary...no?!

Clearly the cost of a taxi is an important factor to the OP and that of a car seat so public transport is her mode of transport.

You know people all around the world have been taking their babies home on public transport since day dot? Before, during and after pandemics.

ivfbeenbusy · 13/12/2020 09:27

@ReadySteadyBed

No but 99% of parents have a car or at least a family member/friend with car who would collect them from the hospital? Where is the father in all this anyway?? Failing that get a bloody car seat and get a bloody taxi

Doublebubblebubble · 13/12/2020 09:31

Sorry if its already been asked but what about a sling? That would make it even easier to manoeuvre