Anxiety and needing advice...

[Snookers]

Hey,

This is quite a personal post and I suppose I'm posting this for two reasons. Firstly to voice my thoughts and feelings out loud and secondly to hopefully see that I am not alone...

I am now 26 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was very unexpected after contraceptives, that I've been on for 10 years, decided to stop working (and we have no idea why they stopped. The GP thinks it could have been a result of stress - no illness or medication was present around the time. But I didn't feel more stressed at the time than I have been in the past so who knows).

Before this pregnancy, I had never planned to have children. There are many reasons for this - personal freedom in life, environmental impact of increasing the human population, not really liking some children I've met, fear of being responsible for raising a person and the anxiety about who they could become... many other reasons.

Me and partner have also not been together that long really and I am worried about the strain on our relationship... We have now just moved in together and have now been together 1 year but still doesn't feel like a long enough time to me, to end up raising a child together.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was sure that an abortion was the right thing to do. But something inside me told me that I would regret it if I did get an abortion. So here we are, at 26 weeks.

But I still don't know if keeping him was the right decision. I have a lot of anxiety as I know nothing about children and have no idea really what to expect. I believe that after he's born, I'll bond and feel like it's all worth it but the anxiety now isn't eased by that thought. I don't feel like there is a bond with him at the moment and it still doesn't really feel real to me. I have heard his heart beat, seen scans and feel him moving but it still hasn't really hit me yet that I am having a child. And honestly, I keep waiting for a bit of a breakdown when it does hit me. I am scared about having him, scared about whats going to happen, scared about the idea that I won't bond with him after he's born.

I just wanted to ask if anyone has felt like this and how you have dealt with it. It feels quite overwelming and I kind of feel guilty for feeling this way. I have friends and know a lot of people who struggle to conceive and have gone through IVF and not been successful and yet here's me, who has ended up pregnant, completely by accident and I don't feel happy about it...

Is this just me? Any advice at all?

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and don't feel like I've properly bonded with her yet. We were actively trying and this is something that I've wanted for a long time but still don't quite believe I'm pregnant. Apart from making all the obvious changes diet etc I still don't always feel pregnant even though my bump is getting quite big. I'm sure that will change when shes born and we will bond. I think it's all based on expectations, I expected pregnancy to be different so don't really feel pregnant but I'm just going with the flow. I wonder if it's similar for you, you didnt expect this to happen so it's just taking time to adapt. I know this isnt really an answer for you, just offering my thoughts.

@Vicalam Thank you. It does help a little bit. That makes sense - I've been lucky and not really had any of the normal pregnancy side effects (no sickness, no cravings, etc). So just doesn't feel like much has changed. And as I never expected to be pregnant at all, it just doesn't feel real... x

I went through the same and dreaded the end of pregnancy. Then once I was over my due date and wishing her to arrive that's when I was like 'wow I want this baby now'. It will change- your hormones will see to that, even if you believe it won't change!