Abortion regret

7 replies

TC21 · 10/12/2020 21:16

Hi ,
I recently had a surgical abortion at 12 weeks
And I’ve regretted it ever since.
I’ve been with my bf for three years
And when I told him I was pregnant he said he wasn’t ready and it broke my heart.

I didn’t want to have a abortion but at the same time I hate the thought of doing something someone doesn’t want me to do and his opinion kept weighing down on me
So in the end I went through with it

It’s been a week and I can’t sleep and I constantly break down daily .
My bf has been there but now I automatically feel like I hate him and find it hard to express how I’m feeling because deep down I feel he’s relieved I’m no longer pregnant .

All I want to do now is he pregnant and I can’t stop thinking about how I made the worse decision in my life .
Has anyone else been in a similar situation and how long does the regret last :( x

OP posts:

Lostyoungsoul · 10/12/2020 21:54

Hi poster, I apologise in advance if I'm not much help , I never comment on posts.

I have also had a surgical abortion and regretted it, I cried endlessly with regret. I still think about it three years on but I very much so put it to the back of my mind now. It will get easier , you've been through a traumatic experience its all not long happened and is difficult to mentally and emotionally get your head round being pregnant and then not being. The days will get slowly easier please hold in there. My mum massively influenced my decision rather then my partner in your case so I understand your hatred I did towards my mum but I had to accept that I had made the final decision in the end not her. I feel upset for you that it seems you were adamant you didn't want one though...whether you will be able to get past these feelings with your partner I guess time will tell,. Its a huge decision to make and him solely being your decision I feel may crumble your relationship. But who is to say the same wouldn't of happened if things had continued and your partner felt so strongly about not wanting a child yet.... who knows. I have a newborn and it puts a massive amount of pressure on a relationship.. but this time me and my partner were ready . I believe everything happens for a reason. Stay strong x

Original poster

TC21 · 11/12/2020 12:52

Hi , thank you so much for your response .
It made me very tearful but also really comforting.

It does help to know someone has been through something similar and that there is a light and the end of the tunnel .

I guess I can’t expect to feel better straight away I just wish the guilt would disappear
I spoke to my doctor who has adviced maybe I should speak to a therapist So maybe I’ll give that a try .

Thanks again for your words of encouragement.
And congratulations on your new born xx

OP posts:

Lostyoungsoul · 13/12/2020 21:37

Thats okay I hope I didn't come across as rude or cold I have anxiety. I would definitely take your doctors advice and speak to someone though , I wish I had. There definitely is , I hope you pull through this with partner intact, stronger together . Thankyou , take care x

Bluefairy88 · 13/12/2020 21:45

Hi,

I’ve not been through exactly the same, but I did have an abortion when I was 21 and then 2 years ago when I was 13 weeks pregnant, we found out baby had severe abnormalities which were not compatible with life, so I had a medical termination. I really struggled with this & think I can relate to how you are feeling, although I know circumstances are quite different - but I wanted to let you know that having some specific counselling around this was really helpful. I struggled to find somewhere, but I actually ended up phoning the miscarriage association and they helped me find a local charity who could provide support, so maybe this is something you can look in to too? Also, your hormones will still be affecting you at this point in time.

I’m really sorry you are suffering with this & I hope you can find some support & peace- the charity who helped me also gave us couples counselling too which really helped.

shelbyrae · 14/12/2020 12:08

Hi,

I had two when I was younger and I know how you feel, I've had times of regret but also I've had to realise that at the time I went ahead and did what I felt was the best thing at the time. I can't go back and change it, I was in a different place then and at that time it was the decision I made.

We can't change the past, only look to the future. Now maybe you're in a better position to know what you want in the future, which is a good thing. It's ok to look back and think you would have done things differently, but now you can do things differently in the future.

Good luck xxx

Vikimichelle · 14/06/2021 11:13

@TC21

Hi , I recently had a surgical abortion at 12 weeks And I’ve regretted it ever since. I’ve been with my bf for three years And when I told him I was pregnant he said he wasn’t ready and it broke my heart.

All I want to do now is he pregnant and I can’t stop thinking about how I made the worse decision in my life .
Has anyone else been in a similar situation and how long does the regret last :( x

Hello hun I’m just wondering how u are now Ive just done this at 11 weeks and I feel the same my bf wasn’t supportive I hate him for it and now all I want is another baby. I hope your better xx

Stevieree · 23/10/2021 13:19

I can't lend advice but Im seeking advice or just someone to share with. My bf said he would leave me if I kept the baby and I feel weak as a female I couldn't just do it alone. But my regret eats at me every day . 4 weeks on and it does not feel any easier. Im Not sure if I have lost love for my partner. How did you cope.

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